The Magic Fingers

Have I ever whined about how much of a love-hate relationship I have with random hook ups?

Wake up with a whole load of negative emotions; anger, disappointment, disgust.. And worst of all, I’d yearn for more. I’d want to be F-ed by a real man.

That post coitus glow with that dorky smile plastered on my face all day. Except, I’d also be sad and disappointed for I’d most likely never see him again.

I know a couple of posts back I said I’d never do another drunken hook up but I reckon it’s kinda like waking up with a massive hangover and going all, “I’m never drinking again” and getting hammered the following weekend.

Couple of nights back, it was the eve of a public holiday. I was out in the club with an old friend, Carrie.

Three years younger than I am, Carrie used to be a model, event and pole dancer. She was way more promiscuous than I could ever be. I was in a 4 year relationship with LEO when we first met 9 years ago and more than anything, I craved her lifestyle.

I was envious of the endless tales of men and how she had multiple F-buds at her service while all I had was a boyfriend whom I did not even bother F-ing no more.

Two years back, Carrie got hitched wanting to start a family. She swore to be loyal and stopped modelling and dancing. Still, every now and then, Carrie would ask about my boys.

Carrie: You did what?!
Me: Hahaha I know right. Do you miss being single?
Carrie: I think about it sometimes. Of course I miss it.. but.. I chose this path..
Me: I wonder if I’ll ever get bored of this.
Carrie: Probably never.

So back in the club, there was this good looking, tall, buffed Middle Eastern dude standing right in front of our table at the VIP zone. The bouncers wanted him out but I told them he could stay. Obviously he started chatting me up right after, thanking and offering me drinks.

I did however got the whole group of his friends thrown out for being a pain in my ass. Literally. When his fat friend grabbed my ass, I wanted to punch him in the face but decided it would be way more embarassing for him to be kicked out by the security.

But I have this habit of ditching the men I picked up right after for the FOMO ( Fear Of Missing Out). Hey, I could always go back to him after if I dont find anything else worth my time right?

As the night went on, I spotted a group of white boys near by. I was pretty intoxicated by then.

White boy: Cheers!
Me: I like your stubbles *touches his beard*
White boy’s friend: Hi!

Origin: Spain
Ethnicity: Spanish
Height: 5’7. Normal
First impression: Cute
Age: No clue

So white boy’s friend, David came around and started chatting me up. Turns out he was studying in Singapore till December and was in KL for holidays.

I wish I could describe the night in greater detail but I was smashed.

I’d say David wasn’t usually my type. At all. But he was smooth and wasn’t the typical douche who would latch on to you and not let go. He played that fishing game well.

Or maybe I was extremely pissed that my super hot Tinder date bailed on me that night and I really, really wanted to get laid.

Either way, David convinced me to leave at around 3am.

David checked us in to a 4-star hotel downtown as he lived in that same dumbass hostel every other guy tried to take me back to. They did not allow extra guest.

David. Was. Absolutely. AMAZING!

Is there a better word for amazing? He was magnificent. Fantastic. Extraordinary. Marvelous. Incredible.

David didn’t have a massive P, in fact, it was average.

But what David had were magical hands that got me squirting over and over and over again! Out of my many F’s, only SEAN had ever managed to make me squirt.

I swear I have never screamed that much, or that loud in bed ever!

The bed was soaked and David showed no mercy. He just kept going at it. I had no idea I was able to squirt continuously. It was insane!

Me: Did you just figure that out or do you know what you’re doing?
Him: I know what I’m doing *looking ridiculously confident as he went on to make me squirt again*

We F-ed and he F-ed me real good! He did it so effortlessly, I was in pure ecstasy.

When we were finally done at about a little after 5am, David had to leave. He was holding the room keys to the hostel he was sharing with his friends.

Him: I gotta go. You can stay. Its all paid for. You just need to check out in the morning.
Me: Really? Will I see you again? I want your number!
Him: Maybe.. *keys in his number*

Woke up feeling happily sore, on those mad fluffy pillows. Had the best after party shower of my life and Lucca came to take me out for lunch.

This was a case of the latter. The perfect hook up.

The only glitch was that the reception initially wanted me to pay the MYR 548 for the night when I checked out though they had already swiped his card for the MYR 700 deposit. I threw a fuss and they eventually manually charged the night to his card.

It was the GOOD F. I’m still hungover that there is a 99.8% possibility that I would never get to see David again.

Carrie: Did you have a good night?
Me: Definitely! He was amazing! I still want more.
Carrie: Good for you!
Me: I’m jealous you get to have regular sex. 
Carrie: Frequency vs Variety. You choose.

That is.. The hardest question. Ever.

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Which would you choose? Regular, repetitive F’s *yawn* vs a whole lot of spiced up, full on passionate, raw sex with a whole variation of hunks.

Like sex education, colleges should start a class for men on how to please their women. A whole chapter on squirting. There are articles on it after all, so why aren’t all men masters at it already?


VERDICT: I heard Spaniards are awesome in the sack. PABLO definitely was and David had definitely made his people proud. He sure made it into the Top 5 most memorable F’s.


The Spanish Salami

Origin: Spain
Ethnicity: Spanish
Height: 5″7. Toned
First impression: Short
Age: 6 years older

As I was getting bored of OKCupid, Lucca told me to give Skout a try.

It was an app filled with men of all age and ethnicity, displaying the ones closest to you first. The first thing men would say to you is, “Can you send me a picture of you?“. Like, seriously? The quality of men on Skout were below average.

I was about to delete the app when I saw Pablo’s profile. He had a very nice smile and looked really pleasant. We started chatting and did not stop till 4am!

We chatted over Whatsapp for the next whole month. Unlike Hugo (Read about Hugo HERE), all we ever spoke of was how drunk we were the night before, our smashing hangovers, my new nail polish obsession, my black hole of a stomach with an appetite for 3.. You get my drift. Though it was fun, we chatted about a whole lot of nothing.

Jolly young woman sending a text lying on a sofa

Pablo had invited me out for beers, coffee, lunch, dinner.. you name it. I declined every single invitation.

Bored one evening, I decided to booty call Seth (Read about Seth HERE)

Me: Burgers later?
Seth: Sorry, I can’t. I just finished my appointments and have gotta rush over to my friend’s place.
Me: Blehh.. I’m bored. Maybe I should go on an actual date. Spanish or German?
Seth: Go for the Spanish. They fuck like me, even better!

I’m not sure if it was the suggestion or the rejection, the hormones or the loneliness.. I had the sudden urge to meet Pablo.

Not wanting to meet a complete stranger alone, I begged Jenna and Kyle to come with me.

Pablo hangs out at this street of bars in KL packed filled with expats. I told him we’d meet there.

When we arrived, Pablo was no where to be seen. He was drinking at another bar down the street, refused to come over and asked us to head there.

Jenna and Kyle were pissed. I told Pablo to forget it. If he wasn’t gonna turn up, we’d be hitting the club after our beers. He made a huge fuss about how he was disappointed with me and that he’s not the kinda guy who would follow a girl around like a puppy. Whatever. I gave him a good sounding stating that I went there cause of him and had to deal with the shit my friends put me through having to go there so how dare he be disappointed with me.


We went on with our night and after Jenna and Kyle left at about 3am, Pablo texted me saying he was gonna come meet me at the club. Clearly the guy was drunk.

When I finally met him, he was not as good looking as he was in pictures. Just a wee bit taller than me with my heels on, small sized, though fit. He was fun to be with, dancing, acting silly.

He was a true gentleman. Not once did he touch me even on the waist, and even on the dance floor which was rather a shocker to me.

I did my usual routine of trying to seduce him while dancing. Did not work. Went up to the podium with guys literally drooling at my feet. Still did not work. What was wrong with him?

Finally the night ended and Phil, my buddy and ride home for the night asked if I was leaving with him. Phil wanted some alone time with his date and I agreed. But what baffled me was how was I going to do it?

I leaned on the bar, puffed on my e-cigarette, while passing it to him till he got nearer and nearer. Very much like luring a puppy in with treats. Eventually the gap between my lips, the e-cigarette and his lips were so close, he moved in for a kiss.


He was a fantastic kisser! And when he had a hard on, it felt so hard it wasn’t funny. After lots of making out, and getting shoo-ed out of the club, we finally got back to his place in a cab.

As soon as the pants got off, my eyes almost popped outta my skull. His package was large beyond believe! It was not even proportionate to his body frame at all.

It hurts and it hurts real good! His dirty talking and roughness in bed was to die for. Initially he was going slow and steady, the romantic kinda pace and asking, “You like that?”

No baby, I want you to fuck me hard and fuck me fast!”.

Immediately he slapped me lightly on the face, grabbed my hair back hard, kissed me roughly and banged even harder. I was immediately squealing in ecstasy!



Woke up, went for another round and Lucca came to take me home.

Over the next couple of days, we were still texting. I made it clear that I did not want a relationship and he agreed.



I was in the club and with no hotties in sight, I texted Pablo to come.

We were dancing and grinding and making out when all of a sudden he started giving me the cold shoulders. He left alone not long after.

He stopped texting and when I did, the replies were cold. After two days, I could not for the love of my life understand why.

Me: What’s your deal? Why are you so cold all of a sudden?
Him: I might be wrong to judge, but I get the feeling you’re really playful and you flirt too much.
Me: Yes, I am. Nothing you did not know about though, so why suddenly?
Him: When I came back from the bar, I saw you hitting on a big guy who walked straight past you.
Me: *thinks for a loooong time* Oooh you must me referring to Matt (Seth’s friend). I know him!
Him: Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake then.
Me: Well, first of all, you’re right. I am flirty. But I am not that dumb to be flirting in front of you.
Him: That’s not very reassuring.. Does that mean you’ll be flirting behind my back?
Me: There is no nice way to way this but yes. If I had a boyfriend, he’ll be getting my full loyalty. But until then, I am free to flirt with who ever I want.
Him: Sorry I’m being demanding without realizing it.

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We made plans to meet over the weekend. But by Friday, our conversation revolved around feelings yet again.

Him: I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t liked you. I’d also be lying if I told you I want a relationship right now.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Him: What I’m saying is I really like you and I’m not sure if my feelings will continue to grow. If it happens, what can I do?
*after lots of talking*
Me: *Sigh* I much prefer simple thoughts. Like.. eat, sleep, fuck, repeat. I don’t like complicated stuff like this.
Him: Sleep on it and we’ll see if you still want to meet up tomorrow.

When I woke up the next day, I was completely turned off by the conversation. I’ve only met Pablo twice and he’s talking about feelings? That in my dictionary was insanity. The last thing I needed was another guy demanding to know my whereabouts and the number of tequila shots I downed over the weekend.

He did not message me through out the day and since he told me to sleep on it, I decided to make my own plans for the night instead.

As I was picking Seth up for beers, Pablo texted me and started arguing over Whatsapp. Eventually all I had to say was, “I don’t owe you anything. Good bye, Pablo“.

Pablo was an extremely good shag and he was fun to be with. I still feel bad about it but I really can’t commit to a relationship, especially not with one who was so extremely demanding. I was not going to compromise my carefree single hood lifestyle no matter how good the sex was.


VERDICT: They say Spanish men are great lovers and it cannot possibly be more accurate. He did not fail the reputation of his people. If he did, I cannot imagine how awesome a typical Spanish would be.