The Shagging Machine

A month into single hood after Luke (Read about Luke HERE), I was keeping myself busy with work.

The only thing I F-ed was an old F-Bud from 3 years back, Cody (Read about Code HERE) and truth be told I was bored outta my skull. I probably would not have been if he stayed in shape. I was going through a dry spell, but I still didn’t wanna do him. I was belly-phobe.

One day, I had to meet an agent to pass a set of keys. When I saw her, my inner Goddess came to life. Next to her was a tall, tanned, muscular dude.

Me: Heyyy sorry I’m late. Is that your client?
Her: No. He’s my friend.
Me: Owh. Your boyfriend?
Her: No babe, my good friend.

Yes, his bod looked like this with slightly less toned abs.

Yes, his bod looked like this.

Turns out that he too was an agent and we were working on the same area. We exchanged pleasantries and our name cards and I was well on my way back to the office.

Name: SETH
Origin: Tehran, Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 6″2. Buffed
First impression: Tall, gorgeous, well built. Wow! He looked like a Bollywood star!
Age: 3 years older

As soon as I sat down, I texted him regarding work. We were all formal about stuff and when I complimented his Whatsapp profile photo, all he said was “Thank you“. Not even a ‘you too‘? How rude! How could he not be even slightly interested? Could this guy be gay?

Later in the evening, when I texted him to inform that I was unable to schedule the appointment, we started talking about random stuff. People in Japan, Tehran.. and while we were talking about profile photos;

Me: You should change your website photos to your Whatsapp photo. You’d attract the sugar mamas. You look gay in it though..
Him: I’m definitely not gay and you’re pretty. You’re not safe!

WOOHOOOO!! He is interested afterall!


Me doing the victory dance

By then I was running late for Gina’s surprise party and told him that I gotta get going.

Me: Do drop by if you can make it. You could be my date
Him: I’d love to. I’ll be late, but I’ll definitely be there.

My mind was about to explode; YESSSSS!! I’m finally gonna get laiddd!! *does another round of victory dance*

I texted the agent I met one last time. Babe, you sure Seth isn’t your boyfriend?. The last thing I needed was an enemy at work. She gave me her blessings.

When Seth arrived at the party, he got along with everyone just fine. Turns out he didn’t only have the looks but a personality to match it! He was funny and charming and he drank like a fish.

Seth: *Talks to the very drunk birthday girl*
Gina: Shut up! I don’t wanna talk to you. Kiss Tess now!
Seth: *Immediately turns and kisses me on the lips, lingering long enough to show he wanted more*


As the night continued, we danced, we drank, we made out a whole lot. I wouldn’t define him as a good kisser but he definitely knew what he was doing and he had the balls to make the moves.

When the night ended, I was about to drive him to his car which was parked further down the road when we started making out.

Him: Come to my place.
Me: No. It’s 4am and I’m tired.

We ended up F-ing in the car at the side of the streets with cars driving by and a guard opposite the road who was most likely watching us.

Him: Please come to my place.
Me: Whattt? You can still go on?
Him: *Smiles cockily*
Me: I’d love to but I’m tired. The last thing I need is to drive home at 6am. If I come, do you promise I can sleep after?
Him: Yes, I have an 11am appointment but you can sleep in. I promise.

Seth cooked us instant noodles for supper, we sat around for a bit and we did it again at his place. He is by far the largest D I’ve ever had and it felt so good! I knocked out right after.

I have a thing for hot men in jeans

I have a thing for hot topless men in jeans. And YES!! His body looked just like this!

I woke up to him getting dressed for work. Taking in the gorgeous body as he zipped up his jeans, Seth sat down next to me. He had biceps that could turn an otherwise smart girl into a bimbo.

Me: Go away. Shooo.. Go to work. You need to stop being topless in front of me!
Him: Go back to sleep baby. I’ll be back before you know it.

When he returned, he wanted to go at it again.

Me: Noooo.. I’m sore! You’re so huge!
Him: I can make you want to…

Of course we did it again. I dressed up to leave when we were done. I wanted to sleep, I was very sore and very happy. But I just didn’t want to seem like I was that into him and I definitely did not want to lie around talking and cuddling after sex.

Him: Where are you going?
Me: I’m hungry. Come if you want.
Him: I’m sleepy. Let’s sleep.
Me: No. I’m going with or without you.

Annoyed, Seth got dressed and followed me out. During lunch, we spoke of random stuff. He was shocked that I was just freshly single. Perhaps he was afraid that I’d emotionally latch on to him.

I did not see or speak to him till the end of the week when I just finished an appointment and it was raining. Not wanting to brace the traffic home, I called him, “Do you have beers at home?“. Within 10 minutes I was at his place.

After sex, we talked for a bit before we headed out for dinner. I realized I was beginning to enjoy his company a little more than I should. I decided to meet him less.

But during the next 2 weeks, I had to meet him a couple of days throughout the week due to work. I began to realize how much every sentence always had the word ‘no strings attached‘ attached to them. Clearly he was making it obvious that he wanted nothing more than to F me and still be able to work together. No problemo, baby! It was what I wanted after all.

That week Seth outright ignored my advances to hang out. He did not even bother to reply. I figured he must have been occupied with his many other chics or that he just didn’t want to see me anymore. After 2 attempts, I gave up.

The next week, he attempted a booty call. I told him I was headed to McDonalds to meet Jenna and he could join me if he wanted.

Yes, food and friends are far above sex on my hierarchy and this dude needed to be booty-trained. I never entertain booty calls for when I eventually want the sex, they’d be readily available.. and it works every single time. Its like little boys being handed a candy when they are well behaved. Until they’re well trained at least!

Seth never ignored my advances since and always had a legit reason or apologized if he couldn’t make it.

Over the next 2 months, we met up for our weekly sexcapades. This guy was a F-ing machine. Seth would skip all form of foreplay and bang for a full hour without stopping. He was a pornstar when sober while the animal in him comes out to play whenever he was intoxicated.

Seth would greet me at the door with a condom in his pocket. We’d immediately start making out and before I knew it, I’d be totally undressed. Seriously, this guy must have went to college with a class that taught boys how to undress girls within a second! We F-ed at every corner of the house. He gave me a good Christmas F and we ended the year with a bang on New Years Eve. We even brought beers and F-ed at our client’s house!

*Clears throat* OK, You probably don’t know, but I’m a real estate agent.

Seth started being more open and comfortable around me. When we weren’t F-ing, we’d sit around talking about our promiscuous ways. How he picked up random chics at bars/clubs, how annoying some girls were while showing me their messages. I did the same. I would ask for advice on how to rid of men I was no longer interested in, showed random photos of men whom I wanted to F.

We spoke of work and culture, relationships and sex, family and friends.

Me: You’re so huge!!
Him: I am not! It’s average. Some white girls even find it small. Seriously!
Me: But I bet every Asian girl thinks you’re huge..
Him: Yup! *smirks*

We went for appointments together. Bitched about our clients. We did our work together at his place. Seth would subtly flirt and touch me whenever our clients were not looking.

We would have beers and watched TV indoors. Lunch, dinner, beers while checking out the opposite sex..

Him: Check out that chic.. *points* She’s Korean.
Me: Nah.. You have bad taste!
Him: Yeah I have bad taste *stares at me intensely* You definitely have a good taste *winks*
Me: *face palm*

We even went partying and hunting together! We would go our separate ways in the club, did our thang and went home together for a good F. I witnessed how Seth could put the guys featured in “The Game” (the book on pickup artists) to shame when he went straight up to gorgeous girls and got their number in literally under a minute.

Seth taught me Persian, though I just can’t seem to pronounce most words. I taught him Chinese and Malay where he picked up really fast.

Me: How do you say ‘how are you’?
Him: Chatori. Cha-to-ri..
Me: How do you say ‘bitch’?
Him: Jende. Jenn-dehhh
Me: Oh salam chatori, jendeh!

It was the perfect relationship. Seth was the perfect F-Buddy. He was a very happy guy. Never grumpy, always smiling, singing and making a joke about everything. I felt alive every time I was out with him. But we were similar in one too many ways, namely, we got bored fast.


Eventually, it felt like we were in a relationship whenever we met. He became predictable. Kinda boyfriend-like except that after he’s out of sight, we don’t communicate for anything other than work. We started being OK with hanging out with each other’s friends. He would nag about my smoking and eating habits while I got annoyed every time he did not clearly specify certain details about work.

Me: Geeezzz.. READ my messages carefully! Read it again!
Him: You grumpy granny. Lost all your patience with me huh? *smiles charmingly*
Me: *feeling bad* Sorry, I’m very hungover.

I realized that we went into a routine, it was no longer the earth shattering sex we once had. Seth was now an open book. He was no longer a mystery. I used to drool at the sight of him, but I no longer take a second look when he goes topless. Even his big bulging biceps no longer had an effect on me.

Ultimately, I got bored. I’m sure he did too. And when he started dating a girl regularly, I decided to stop F-ing him.

I did not mind that Seth was banging every other girl in the club. Afterall, he was readily available every time I called.

But when Seth starts to date a girl and goes “Yes baby.. No baby. OK baby.. Sure honey“, it got annoying.. and I sure did not enjoy being No. 2.

Was I jealous? Yes, cause I never got that kinda treatment but no because Seth was still picking up random chics and F-ing me. I know for a fact that even if he ‘baby’ me all the while, it would not be real. He had been real with me and I really appreciated that.

Do I want to be in an ‘exclusive’ relationship with Seth? Definitely not. We both can’t stay loyal to save our lives.

Was my heart broken? No, I don’t think so. Actually, not at all. I just got very agitated that I now had to hunt down a new F-Buddy and it is not gonna be an easy task!



Me: So what’s the deal with this chic. I still can’t picture you in a relationship.
Him: I’m a good boyfriend! I really like her. I’m not in a relationship with my girl. I’m dating her.
Me: What is the difference?
Him: Dating is F-ing but still being able to F other girls. Relationship is all the serious stuff with friends and family involved.
Me: We F-ed. But we weren’t dating.
Him: *after brief thoughts* No, we were dating. We went out a lot, we spent time together..
Me: How’s that different from open relationships, F-Buds, no strings attached, friends with benefits..
Him: We were F-Buds too! Hmm.. Whatever, it’s all the same meaning..

We stopped F-ing and went back to being co-agents. We still have appointments together but we hardly hang out. I miss having him around but this one’s very emotionally dangerous. If I wasn’t careful, I could have gotten burnt big time!

He was awesome in many ways. He was a good friend, a great co-agent and definitely a freaking awesome shag. I’d definitely do him again anytime when he turns available again. I truly enjoyed the 3 whole months I spent being with him.

To be continued Part 2 and Part 3.

VERDICT: He was my very first foreign man and I kept wondering; He is so different from all local men and if he’s an average Persian as he claims, how amazing would an experienced Persian be? In fact, all foreign men could be a wonderful new experience!