The House Mate

I’d like to think of myself as a sentimental person. I think of my old F’s, ex-boyfriends from time to time but it is no biggie considering I’m still friends with (almost) all of them. I could just pick up the phone and text them at any given time. Or stalk them on Facebook.

I thought of HUGO today and did a Google search to see how he was doing. He wasn’t on Facebook anymore. He has not logged into OKCupid for more than a year. What I did find was his TripAdvisor reviews for his recent vacays with his girlfriend.

Ouch. I could only imagine them F-ing all day long in their 5-star suite.

I wonder if I ever cross his mind. I know my ex-F’s and ex-boyfriends randomly sends me photos of things that reminded them of me.

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Two nights back, my ex F-Bud, AARON texted me at 4am when he couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t a booty call. He has a girlfriend and we are just good friends now.

I finally admitted to Aaron what happened 2 months back.

Me: I’m about to sleep but I’ll entertain you with a bedtime story. 
Aaron: Okay?
Me: Remember when I stayed over that night and couldn’t sleep?
Aaron: Yeah. You F-ed Sam?!!

Name: SAM
Origin: Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 5″10. Buff
First impression: Asshole
Age: 6 years younger

I met Sam at the same time as Aaron more than a year back. They were house mates and were everywhere together.

Sam hooked up with Jane, one of the girls I hung out with soon after.

I pretty much hated his guts from that moment. Jane would be sobbing in the club, complaining bout how Sam was cheating on her, ignoring her. He was such a pain in my ass that I even got him thrown out of the VIP once.

But when I started hooking up with Aaron, it wasn’t an option if I wanted to be near Sam or not. He was just there. Like all the F-ing time.

I never saw Sam as hot. Sure he was good looking and had a muscular, lean body but I was never attracted.

 

2 MONTHS BACK

I was out with Aaron and his brother, hooking them up with a place to rent. Yes, that is my job. We had some time to kill so we dropped by their place before heading out for the next viewing.

The look of shock on Sam’s face when he saw me at their place was priceless! I haven’t been there since Aaron and I stopped F-ing half a year back.

I was chasing the very hyperactive kitten all over the house when I walked past Aaron’s room.

The door was open and Sam was ironing his shirt on the bed.

Topless.

Sam looked amazing with those huge biceps and washboard abs on display. He looked like he was in the midst of a photoshoot!

His body is even better!

His body is even better!

All I could think was, “Stop F-ing staring! Go play with the kitten!

We left soon after Sam did.

After dinner, Aaron’s brother wanted to grab some drinks but Aaron insisted on going home to be on the phone with his girlfriend.

A’s Bro: Wanna come over and hang out? It’s been awhile. You can play with the kitten!
Me: Err.. Sure. But how am I getting home after?
Aaron: I’ll send you home in the morning when I go to work.

When we got back to their place, Sam was in Aaron’s room playing Dota on the PC. Topless.

Oh God. He changed his work out routine and.. His body! He grew a beard. Got really tanned. I was very very attracted!

I’d usually be hanging out with Aaron, but he was on the phone in Sam’s room and I had absolutely nothing to do. Pretty much planted my ass next to Sam yabbering away about Tinder and random drunk nights with the boys.

I paid Sam more attention than I usually do and I’m pretty sure he was aware of it.

But when Aaron came back to his room, the boys left and I was stuck with just the 2 of us.

Aaron: What do you wanna do? Wanna watch a movie?
Me: Sure, why not?

I was contemplating if I should get Sam’s ass back into the room. But if I did that, Aaron would know what I was up to.

Me: I’m sorry but there is no way I would be able to sleep with all these on. It’s nothing you’ve never seen before anyway *strips off shorts and bra*
Aaron: Do what ever you want.

I fell asleep 10 minutes into the movie.

Aaron stripped down to his underwear and joined me in bed but I woke up from all the commotions. When I went out to get some water, I noticed Sam’s lights were still on.

Aaron and I chatted till he was about to doze off when I decided it’s finally time to sneak a peek at Sam.

Me: *puts on shorts*
Aaron: Where are you going again?
Me: Water!
Aaron: You just took water!
Me: I’m getting MORE water!

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The lights in Sam’s room were on and his door was left slightly open. That’s new to me. His room was always tightly shut.

Me: *peeks inside* You’re still awake!
Sam: Yup! Uninstalling some stuff.
Me: I can’t sleep!
Sam: Of course you can’t *points and laughs at my crazy hair*
Me: Oh no no! I did not F Aaron!
Sam: I’m hungry! Wanna eat?

So Sam made me some bread with awesome Arabian cheese spread (which I’m still looking for every time I’m at the mall), sat around for a smoke and hunted down alcohol all over the house before we decided that doing shots would not be such a great idea!

Sam: Wanna watch a movie?
Me: Sure, why not?

We watched Ace Ventura. Initially we were watching it on his desk. Sam turned the air conditioning on so cold, no sane person could possibly survive in there.

Sam: Are you cold? *holds blanket over me and kept his arm on my shoulders*
Me: My ass hurts though. Do you usually watch movies like that?
Sam: No, actually.. *puts laptop on the chair and moved to the bed*

Sam spread his arms out wide but it moved it aside.

Half way through the movie, Sam pulled me over and cuddled me, stroking my arms.

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Oh shit. Oh F. What am I doing?!

5 minutes before the movie was to end, my mind started racing;

  • What should I do?
  • Should I F him?
  • What if Aaron woke up in the middle of the night and found me gone?
  • What if I fell asleep in his room and Aaron finds me there in the morning?
  • What if Jane finds out about this?
  • What would Aaron think of this?

I jumped up as soon as the movie ended and lighted up a cigarette. We chatted for a bit and Sam looked like he was gonna dive in for a kiss any moment now.

F my life! Decide NOW!!“, I thought to myself.

Me: I’m hungry. Let’s make more bread!
Sam: *makes bread*
Me: You’re not eating?
Sam: No I’m on a diet *lifts up shirt*
Me: Where are the abs?
Sam: *lifts up shirt again and flexes*

Ah there it is! So he was flexing every inch of his body while ironing his shirt earlier! I knew it! I knew he did it on purpose!

We sat at the couch for another cigarette.

Sam: So you and Aaron..
Me: We stopped F-ing for a long time now.
Sam: How come?
Me: I don’t know. We just did. He’s got a girlfriend now anyway.
Sam: Are you guys gonna F again? *leans closer*
Me: I doubt it.. OMG it’s 4am! Bed time! *runs back into Aaron’s room*

I woke up feeling all sorts of F-ed up.

Sure I did not F Sam. Jane was no longer dating Sam and I was no longer F-ing Aaron. But it would be just.. weird!

 

 

Me: You didn’t know this?
Aaron: Booo! Nooo I thought you guys banged! Damn that was interesting!
Me: Common I’m not so horrible! I know you expected the end of the story to be that I F-ed him. But that would be.. Sick?
Aaron: Yea. No you are not. And yes that would be kinda weird! Why didn’t you tell me?
Me: I don’t know. I was.. embarassed? But now it’s just funny.
Aaron: Don’t worry, you don’t have to see him again.

 

VERDICT: Be careful who you make memories with. Those things can last a lifetime!

 

The Rules Broken: Part II

Me: You know how Aaron used to be like a puppy to me? Follows me around, always wants my attention..
Phil: Yup. I see it all the time.
Me: He turned from a puppy in to a world class asshole. How did that happen?
Phil: The tables have turned. You’re now the puppy.

I am no one’s puppy!!

Aaron and I have been F-Buds for more than a month now. He used to be sweet and adorable. Read about Aaron’s transformation into an asshole HERE.

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TWO WEEKS BACK

Come Wednesday, it was ladies night.

Christy, Violet and I headed out for dinner and drinks at the bars in town.

Initially Aaron texted Violet that he didn’t want to party anymore but would join us for drinks. We told him no. We would meet him at the club.

I was a beer and 3 tequilas in when we arrived at the club. By the time Aaron got there, I was a goner after uncountable Vodka cranberries.

Initially I found a German-Jap who took my number and left early. Then there was another big buff Persian MMA fighter who glued himself to me.

Violet greeted Aaron when he arrived but all he did was look at me even when they were talking. Christy saw him looking at me funny and asked what was up with him. All he said was nothing, he didn’t want a relationship or to commit and it looked like I was having fun anyways.

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We left to our usual joint soon after.

I was flying by the time we got there and ditched the Persian guy who followed us for an English dude who found me on the podium. He was gorgeous!

After some time I left with the English but unfortunately his friends were a bunch of asswipes and they stayed in a hostel that did not allow extra guests.

I tried calling Aaron in hopes for him to pick me up since he was on the way anyway.

After 8 calls and still no answer from Aaron, Phil got me an Uber and I managed to get back to the club when Aaron was still at the entrance trying to get it.

Me: Why didn’t you answer? I called a million times.. I was stuck at xxx and was hoping that you could come pick me up on the way here!
Him: Oh sorry, I was making out with a girl.
Me: Where is she now?
Him: On the way over.

Inside, I found Phil and had more whiskey. By the time Aaron found us at the bar, I looked like I could really use some sobering up as much as I was still alright. Aaron gave me some water and did not allow me to have the beer Phil had while I continued to drunk dance till Phil came back and told us that he got booty called and left me with Aaron.

Aaron decided that we should go to the dance floor. But I jumped up the podium immediately. Down on the dance floor, he was watching me while picking up chics.

When he went missing, his friend, Sam found me and took me to the dance floor where Violet pointed out a hot guy next to me.

Name: SVEN
Origin: Turkey
Ethnicity: Turkish-Lebanese
Height: 6″. Lean
First impression: Gorgeous
Age: 6 years younger

Towards end of the night, Aaron texted asking me to leave with him. I told him to wait while I gave Sven my number.

When I pointed at my cheek for a kiss but I kissed him on the lips instead, Sven didn’t allow me leave. Violet wanted to follow his friend and pleaded that I go with her.

I turned back to see Aaron looking at me and it hurts like a bitch to do that to him. As much as I wanted to be in his arms, it had to be done. I hate playing games but the kid needed to know that I will always have options and my sex life did not revolve around him.

Violet and I left with the guys soon after.

Well Sven was hot so I really did not mind. But he was a model who was obviously an airhead and sucked in bed. I came to conclusion that all models have got no skills in the sack. No kissing, no foreplay, no stamina and a very small ding-dong!

I checked my phone after we were done F-ing to find that Aaron had called a total of 5 times and when I didn’t reply his messages on Whatsapp, he texted me on Facebook.

Me: Did you get laid? I found a model his body is awesome!
Him: No I can’t think of sex right now.
Me: Why not?
Him: I’ll tell you later. Where are you?

Oh and the next day I checked the time stamp of when I called him and when he arrived at the club, it was impossible for him to be making out with a girl and get to the club that fast! It was a total lie!

 

The next day, I tried to booty call him. I was after all an ass to him the night before. I wanted him to know that I still wanted to F him;

Me: You couldn’t think of sex last night. Would you like some now?
Him: No thanks 🙂 I’m getting some now.

Fine. Be an ass.

I whined to Seth no end bout it cause I needed an asshole’s advice.

He’s F-ing 25 what do you expect? He’s emotionally attached to you. He’s jealous and is showing you that he’s getting some too.”

I was wondering if he’d ever bother with me again..

 

LAST WEEKEND

I invited him to party with us and he didn’t reply till late at night.

I decided if I saw him that night, I would play nice if he did the same.

Initially he told me he’d come, but ended up at our usual joint with Phil instead.

I went on getting smashed and while trying to wing Christy, I turned and got the shock of my life when I saw him in my face. I immediately grabbed him and made out on the podium, the highest and brightest point of the club.

Apparently, he came to look for a girl but he was pretty much with me the entire time.

Me: You’re mine tonight.
Him: I’m booked tonight.
Me: Right. It’s not a choice.

When Aaron told me that he was going to run off to look for the girl, I saw him standing alone at the dance floor. Alone!

He could have at least hid somewhere less obvious *roll eyes*

We left to our usual joint soon after he left and when I got there, my night was a complete blur. I wish I remembered more but I guess the gist of it was that he was with me the entire night, very well behaved.

Every time I talked to someone else, he would stand around taking care of me, hug me from the back or be standing nearby watching me instead of his usual jumping around like a mad man.

Everyone agreed that it wasn’t F-bud behavior at all.

Obviously I left with him. He was too smashed to keep it up and we ended up dancing naked in bed. Weird shit.

Oh and probably cause Phil asked us to slap him in the club (yup, I have a very emotional friend), I told Aaron to slap me while F-ing but he just couldn’t do it. Even the hardest was a light slap. “No I won’t do it! I’m not a violent person!

As he played DJ in front of the PC and told me to make myself comfortable on him, we ended up cuddling with him planting little very passionate kisses on my head and cheeks, slow make outs, fingering..

Him: I’m sorry I’m too F-ed to F. I owe you a F-ing good F!
Me: It’s ok, I have no intention to get laid tonight. If I did, I would have been on the dance floor. I don’t even know why I’m here!

And he hugged me so tight! So soooo tight! He was just adorable!

We talked and we danced around till around 8 or 9 in the morning and F-ed for the longest time. I was literally out of juice and had multiple orgasms but he still couldn’t finish.

Eventually we gave up and cuddled to sleep.

But the first thing he did when he woke up at 3pm was stare at the pile of clothes on the floor.

Him: What’s that?
Me: Your clothes?
Him: What’s it doing there? I can’t remember anything I did or said!

Right!

I call bullshit because later on when I asked him random questions of the night at random times, he could answer everything to the dot. I know this because I have already asked Phil.

Aaron acted all normal but it wasn’t normal at all. His normal self was usually cheeky and flirty.. it just didn’t feel like his usual self.

It felt like it was a mutual understanding that the both of us were trying to withdraw from that lovey dovey act earlier that morning.

We had our late lunch together with his brother and got home by 6pm.

 

TWO DAYS BACK

He did not text me through out the week.

Come weekend, I made a bet with Phil that he would not turn up at our usual joint.

I lost my bet by evening.

Seth was out with my friends and I at another club and he promised to show up in front of Aaron to get to him. All I needed was for Seth to stand next to me.

When we got to our usual joint at about 2.30am, we found Aaron by the wall waiting for his friends.

Aaron: Is that what you found tonight?
Me: No. He’s the guy in the video playing with the baby I showed you. Remember?
Aaron: Oooh he’s Seth?!

I have previously told Aaron about my weird ass relationship with Seth and how I think I’d never be able to get over him. Read about Seth HERE and HERE.

I introduced the boys.

 

I could totally see the grin on Seth’s face that he wanted to laugh his ass off at me. I usually went for tall, big muscular guys like himself and Aaron was totally the opposite of that.

Aaron stormed off to look for his friends soon after with me chasing after him and Christy trying to drag my ass back but I was a very stubborn drunk.

The rest of the night was as usual, a blur.

There are memories of Aaron holding my hands and dragging me all over the club, being on the dance floor, more tequila shots and we left at about 4am for breakfast before we headed back to his place.

As we waited for our food at McDonald’s, even in my intoxicated state I could tell that Sam was interrogating me about feelings and relationships. I’m pretty sure Aaron put him up to it considering I hardly spoke to Sam at all. If anything, I totally hate his guts for being an ass to my girlfriend who’s totally heart broken right now.

Aaron and I cuddled up on the sofa and made out a whole lot with Sam telling us to get in the room.

F-ed and woke up to yet another round of cold Mr Aaron.

By the time I finished the Subway his brother brought back for lunch, I was dying to go home.

I could no longer tolerate the hot and cold behavior Aaron had towards me.

Called an Uber and as I walked out the door, I decided I was done for good.

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Me: I’m guessing everyone knows I’m F-ing Aaron?
Phil: Rumors spread and it spreads fast. He was holding your hands around the club as if you guys were exclusively together.
Me: Ahh whatever, it’s not like I hide my F’s. What else did you see? I can’t remember jackass.
Phil: I saw 2 commitment phobes in love. Its weird but cute! You guys are adorable together.

I love what we had before it turned weird.

The passion when we were together. The easy conversations. The fun we had partying. When we are apart, he doesn’t require any attention and I am free to F anything else.

But there is just no way I was going to be in a relationship with a 25 year old kiddo who only has MYR7 in his bank account till the next payday and spends every cent on alcohol, drugs and girls.

I’m done with the games. I am done with him. What was meant to be a one nighter had turned into some awkward shit and I have absolutely no time for that.

My usual routine was to hunt on Fridays and get wasted on Saturdays. Aaron had turned into my designated Friday F and because of that I have lost a couple of hotties due to one too many rejections.

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VERDICT: I am only human. I too have emotions and I am definitely way past the age of mind games.

The Broken Rules

Name: AARON
Origin: Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 5″2. A little buff
First impression: Cute
Age: 4 years younger

One faithful night around the mid of 2014, I met Aaron through a friend at the club. I still remember the moment he walked towards us. I exclaimed out loud, “Wow he’s so cute! Who is that?“. “My best friend.”, one of my girlfriends said.

Owh. I really don’t like F-ing guys from the same group of friends. Things always turn messy.

Friendship

 

Throughout the months of partying with him, friends would always try to hook us up.

I’m guessing it’s because Aaron is an asshole and I’m the definition of an asshole stuck in a female’s body.

I was very interested in him initially and every time he turned up at the club, he would try to chat me up but I was either not in the mood to party, too smashed to give two hoots bout what he has to say or out on the dance floor grinding some random guy I found.

Eventually, I lost interest.

A night before Halloween, a girlfriend of mine, Jane decided to take things further.

Jane: Aaron really likes you. Aren’t you interested at all?
Me: He is really cute but I find him a little too shy for my liking.

Next thing I know, Aaron dragged me out on the dance floor and kissed me. It was soft, gentle kisses that didn’t excite me one bit. When the short lived kiss ended, I smiled at him, made my way back to my friends and told Jane, “nice try, but I don’t feel any sparks“.

He texted me the next day but I pretty much ignored him.

Aaron was a chatty drunk. Every time I saw him at the club, he would yak continuously and I would find ways to get rid of him.

Him: What is it with you that guys would always come up to you? I have been watching you.
Me: How the F would I know? Why don’t you ask yourself that? You come up to me all the time too!

Endless attempts to chat me up, making me dance went on for months till..

 

EXACTLY ONE MONTH BACK 

I was smashed at the club. Jane wanted me to get them in for free and for some strange reason, I felt an extreme instant attraction the moment I saw Aaron that night. My hormones were probably the main culprit.

We hugged, went to get some tequila shots and he just grabbed me and we made out. If the first kiss was spark-less, this one had fireworks exploding above our heads!

By the second round of shots, I was way floored. All I could remember was that I pushed Aaron to the bar, grabbed him by the shirt, kissed and told him to stand still while I grinded him to a good hard on and stuffed my hand into his pants.

I guess my drunk brains registered him to have a good enough size because I automatically followed him home that night.

To be more detailed, I went missing for a good hour with some other friends and Aaron was begging Jane to get me out of the club. No one could find me and he decided to go in and dragged me away from another guy. I have no memory of any of these.

Back at his place, he was CRAZY in bed. The tossing around, hair yanking, dirty talking.. He is too young to be this experienced!

Aaron is pretty lucky below the belt too. An almost 7 inches hanging on that small 5″2 frame. Wow, just WOW! I literally went all, “OMG you have got to be kidding me!

Me: Enough! No more sex, I’m sore!
Him: You don’t get to tell me what to do! *tears my legs open!*

We F-ed twice that night.. and all of the next day when we woke up. He knew just what to say and what to do at the right time.

“So from now on, when I text you, REPLY!”

Aaron tried to cuddle, but I pushed him away. I don’t do cuddles with anyone other than my boyfriends. When I thought he was to send me home, I was held hostage for lunch!

Oh sweet Lord, why did he have to do that to me? Yes, there was absolutely nothing wrong with spending just a little time on a free meal, but then I’d be forced to look at the guy as an actual human being who could be nice and intelligent and not just a good looking, breathing sex object!

Aaron’s sober self was really down to earth, entertaining, funny and sweet as opposed to his continuous blabber and jumping around like a mad man after he had alcohol in his system. He also tried to hold my hands but I pulled away.

A good F, free meal and a ride home; what’s there to complain, right? Nope. He kinda got into my head.

RULE BROKEN: Communication.

 

A WEEK LATER

The same night I met Finnigan and ran away from him, Aaron called at the end of the night and picked me up from the club. Read about Finnigan HERE.

Instead of going back to his place for a boom-boom session, I felt like I was kidnapped back to his boss’ place to hang out and by the time we got back to his place at 9am, he was too tired to F and pinned me down and cuddled to sleep.

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RULE BROKEN: Cuddles.

We F-ed twice when we woke up but it was horrible! He was just too hungover to do any good.

“I’m sorry, I know I brought you here but I’m too F-ed up to F you right now”

I decided I was done with him when he sent me home that evening.

 

THE FOLLOWING WEEK – FRIDAY

Aaron turned up unannounced with his boss and a few other friends and we made out for a little till I noticed his hot friend.

Him: Come back with me later. But I’m going to another club now.. Do you want to follow me or I could come pick you up after?
Me:  OK, but for now I want your friend.
Him: Sure no probs. Good luck!

Towards the end of the night however, I met Ethan. I was undecided if I should wait for Aaron or to just try out fresh Danish meat and when Aaron did not reply after 10 minutes, I went ahead with Ethan. Read about Ethan HERE.

When I was done with Ethan and checked my phone, there were 9 missed calls from Aaron and multiple texts from him asking me where I was and to answer his calls.

Him: Babe answer my calls, I can see you’re online.
Me: Dude I’m with a guy. I’ll text you tomorrow.
Him: Oh OK. I won’t bother you then. Have fun! *lots of kiss emoji*

By Wednesday he tried to booty call but I was out for with my friends so I didn’t bother with him.

 

LAST WEEKEND – SUNDAY

It was a day after Valentine’s and he texted me in the afternoon making small talks. By night however,

Me: What are you doing for Chinese New Year?
Him: I’ll be in town as far as I know. Want to do something?
Me: Like what? F all day?
Him: Yeah, but I was thinking of doing that tonight.

I was undecided for a long time. I wasn’t sure what sober sex with him would be like. His hungover sex was beyond bad. It lasted all of one minute.

After a whole lot of persuasion, we settled with him sending me an Uber, a pizza for supper and to send me home in the morning when he goes to work.

NOTE: He lives really far and there was no way in hell I’d drive all the way for sex. Also the reason why I have been held hostage at his place and was not willing to take a cab home.

Aaron’s brother and Jane’s fling, Sam was there when I arrived.

Sam: Wow you’re here on a Sunday.. and sober?
Me: Yeah, I’m here for the pizza. Where is it?
Sam: Ha! Right.. all the way here for a pizza!

We F-ed and he F-ed me good while sober. I was totally addicted.

 

When the pizza arrived, we all gathered in the hall and chatted and laughed the night away till the boys called it a night at 2.30am.

I felt like I was in college again. Hanging around him made me feel young. All the guys I F-ed in the past year lived alone and did not allow me to smoke in the house.

RULE BROKEN: Hanging out with his friends.

We went back into the room and F-ed another two times before falling asleep at 4am with a lot of pillow talks, cuddling, playing and running around the room like kids in between F-ing.

I did try to push him away from cuddles but he pulled me back going all, “don’t you push me away!“. Eventually I just decided to give in and enjoy the moment.

I woke up to his boss leaving him voice notes on Whatsapp telling him to work from home.

Went out for breakfast, came back for more sex before he planted his ass at the PC designing some kinda social media post and having me delay his work further with endless font suggestions.

Me: I don’t usually hang out all day after sex. You’re an exception because you live on another planet!
Him: No, I don’t want you to go. Stay. It’s not that bad here. I’m not that bad to be around either..
Me: Yeah, you’re not too bad..
Him: You’re so arrogant!!

More cuddles and sex when he was done with work.

Aaron sent me home at 3pm. A full 15 hours spent together, minus 4 hours of sleep.

I was in bad emotional shape.

 

5 DAYS BACK – WEDNESDAY

It was CNY eve. I texted Aaron;

Me: What are you doing tonight?
Him: I’m not sure but I’m out for now.
Me: I’m thinking of partying and have you F me hard after. *Sends a screenshot of the group chat with my friends where we said that it was good luck to have a good F on the first day of CNY because Chinese believes that the first day of the new year would represents the year”.
Him: Ok, I’ll let you know.

I did not hear from Aaron for the rest of the night. Come 3am, he asked if I was at the club and showed up completely wasted.

I too wasn’t walking straight and all I remember was at the end of the night, I saw him standing at the table doing nothing alone, attempted to drag him to the dance floor where he pushed me to the wall and kissed me.

Him: Come back with me. My friends are waiting outside, I really gotta go! *drags me out of the club*
Me: But I need to tell Phil!
Him: You can tell him on the way out.

Aaron passed out as soon as he got home, with a lot of puking the entire journey back.

You know, I really love you guys.. among so many of my friends, you are the only ones who stayed to take care of me. You (his brother) have no choice, but you are awesome, thank you!“.. Ahh don’t we all love drunk talks?

He woke up the next day to a massive hangover. He couldn’t even lift his head up for a drop of water but managed to turned over, spooned me and F-ed me from behind while planting soft, passionate kisses on my head the entire time.

spooning

Compared to the usual hard F-ing, that was totally not cool!

RULE BROKEN: Slow passionate sex!

When Aaron finally managed to sit up, he gave a big and wide cheeky, mischievious smile, “Damnnn, look at what I brought home!” and smacked my ass.

He didn’t remember how I ended up in his bed but his brother reminded him that they threw him into the car, drove off and he demanded to go back in to get me.

With that, he got up, and we all went for lunch at the nearby mall, hung out for a bit with him trying to hold my hands and hugging me in public.

Long story short, we spend the entire day sleeping, cuddling, talking, more cuddles and 3 rounds of amazing orgasmic sex till 9pm! I have never spent that many hours with a F-bud!

RULE BROKEN: Too much time spent together

You’re going to have an awesome year. You had a good F today!

Yup. Multiple good F’s.

Did I also mention Aaron has multiple F-buds and has been F-ing his almost girlfriend, a Russian blonde for the past 9 months?

The dynamics of this F-bud relationship is exactly like Seth. We talk about everything under the sun and it scares the daylight out of me that we could be so open and comfortable with each other. Read about Seth HERE and HERE.

 

TODAY

My girlfriend, Violet wanted to check out the club Aaron usually goes to and so did I. She texted Aaron and somehow we scheduled for a group sex session when his friend gets back in 3 weeks. Violet totally digs him!

I’ve never put much thought into group sex but its kinda intriguing so I agreed to it. But that’s besides the point.

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Aaron totally turned from a puppy fan boy into a world class asshole.

We planned on heading to the club tomorrow night.

Him: We can start drinking at my place before partying if you want..
Violet: You gotta convince Tess. She’s driving. And she wants to go to *insert bar name* before that..
Him: If she wants to go, let her.. Why is she forcing me to go?
Me: Tess here. I totally did not ask you to go!
Him: Well, I’ll be drinking at home. Tell Tess she can come if she wants to.

Wow. Baby, you totally turned a 180 degrees from worshiping the ground I walk on to being God’s gift to women?

This young boy needs to be booty trained and no mercy shall be given.

If Aaron wants to play the game, bring it on! There is no way he is gonna walk away smiling, I’ll have him begging for attention again in no time!

To be continued HERE.

 

VERDICT: I went through one heart break after another trying to figure out what keeps me from falling for a guy and I broke it all with Aaron.

The Shagging Machine: Part II

My past many posts were about my awesome shags or bad drunken decisions. I’m not sure why I’m posting this; Perhaps I want to get it out of my system. Or maybe I just wanted to show that I still have emotions hidden somewhere inside of me.

Seth and I had started out as a F-buddies whom I started dating casually. We were also co-agents and eventually, it was like we were in an open relationship. Our friendship blossomed through out the months and even after we stopped F-ing, we confided in one another. Our relationship evolved into such a weird place that it could no longer be defined.

Read about Seth HERE.

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When it all ended, we continued hanging out as friends. Seth was always there for me be it for work or my many boy-dramas. He always had a word of advice. Though at times he would take forever to reply my texts;

Me: *rant rant rant*
Him: *goes online but doesn’t reply*
Me: Jendeh! Don’t ignore me, I can see you online!
Him: Jende I’m out drinking right now and you’re talking about Fifty Shades of Grey? *sends a video of him in a bar*

NOTE: Jende means bitch in Persian. That’s pretty much what we call each other ever since I learnt the word.

Months came and went. Although we partied together occasionally, Seth always sent me home when the night ended. Perhaps it was cause I never gave the vibe that I still wanted to sleep with him, or maybe he was just done with F-ing me. I was dying to get into his pants but I didn’t want to ruin things.

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It came to a point where I did not want to see him anymore for the fear of getting hurt. Clearly I had developed feelings for Seth.

 

2-3 MONTHS BACK

One night as I was about to enter the club, Seth texted. He called when I refused to reply and told me that he was there too and so I brought him in with me.

Seth stood right beside me the whole time, keeping me entertained and never left my side to pick up the many hot chics available that night. I was amazed. He even started flirting and dancing with me. It was something that did not happen since the first time we partied together.

A girl walked past and I pointed her out to Seth.

Me: I don’t like her. She’s really annoying.
Him: Why?
Me: She’s got no friends here. Always bugging us to drink and dance with her. I just don’t like her.
Him: OK

Seth did not bother with her.

But later on that night, she came up to Seth and started chatting him up. I was tipsy and annoyed but Christy dragged me off to the dance floor before I could do anything about it. I went up to the podium where I had the perfect view of them. I saw them exchanging numbers and made out a little.

Seth has a habit of ignoring the girls after he has gotten their number. It’s like he collects their digits to keep himself entertained when he has nothing to do so what ever they were up to, it did not bother me one bit cause I know at the end of the night he would always send me home.. and when he sends me home, he would never put another girl in the car with me.

When I got back to the table, Seth started dancing with me. After a minute, the chic dragged him away from me.

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I was furious!

Never in my 10 years of partying has a girl ever took MY guy away from me. At that point of time, I just did not want to deal with it and left for another room (where I found and made out with this madly adorable French mixed Brazilian dude and totally forgot about the incident with Seth).

I wasn’t as pissed with Seth as I was with the girl. I had afterall done the same to Seth with Pier but who is she to take him away from me? Read about Pier HERE.

 

SOME WEEKS LATER

It was 2 days before the day I was to celebrate my birthday and we had a club launch to attend. I invited Seth.

Him: I’ll come, but I have to leave by 1am.
Me: Whyyy?
Him: Because I gotta be up at 6am for my Master’s graduation!
Me: OK fine. Come pick me at 10.30pm

The launch was boring and a whole different level of awkward when Aiden’s ex-girlfriend appeared. Read about Aiden HERE and HERE.

Me: See that girl? This is awkward. I made out with her ex-boyfriend and she found out.
Him: *points* That girl? Come lets go to the bar, I’ll buy you a bucket of beer for your birthday.
Me: OK. I also F-ed him but she doesn’t know. Now I’m invisible to her.
Him: Do you want me to F her so you guys would be even? *smirks*
Me: Don’t you F-ing dare!!

By the time we were done with the beers, Phil and the rest of them were dead beat bored. Though it was already 12.30am, I managed to convince Seth to come to our usual club with us.

I was highly intoxicated as the night went by and started being unreasonable when he wanted to leave. Eventually he left at 2.30am. I was pissed but too drunk to care.

 

2 DAYS LATER

It was the day I was celebrating my birthday and I texted him in the afternoon;

Me: You coming for my birthday tonight?
Him: Yes 98%
Me: Where’s the 2%?!!
Him: If I die.

I was smiling from ear to ear. But I woke up to his texts later in the evening after a nap;

Him: Can you get another guestlist for my girlfriend?
Me: No. I don’t have enough. Why don’t you just stay home with her.
Him: Then I’ll just pay for cover charge. Is that OK?
Me: No. I don’t need any more girls.
Him: It’s just this one time that I want to bring a girl with me.
Me: And you choose to do so on my birthday? You got an option to stay home with her or go to other parts of the club.
Him: It’s not gonna make any difference!
Me: Are you trying to annoy me on purpose? You know damn well that I like you although I don’t do anything about it. I enjoy hanging out with you that’s why I invited you. I do not need to see you with a girl on my birthday. If you don’t like what I said, feel free to ignore me.

After 2 hours, Seth finally replied, “I’m not ignoring you darling. It’s just that my girlfriend took MC after a month to spend the weekend with me. This is a F-ed up situation for me. If I don’t come, you’ll be pissed. If I ignore her, she’ll be mad“.

All I could reply was, “It’s OK. Don’t come. Really“.. and I burst into tears.

I don’t know why, but it was the first time I ever cried because of Seth. Was it because I finally admitted my feelings? Or was it because he bothered to reply at all?

 

I did not bother texting Seth ever since. In weeks to come, he texted me about work and I’d reply with a sentence or 2, but never a conversation.

He did the same.

Me: Regarding XXX property *sends a picture*
Him: Oh OK. Thx.

It hurts. I could not comprehend that we were strangers again. I came to realization that I have always had feelings for him but it never bothered me because I knew that he was always there for me.

I was crushed by the coldness.

Last week, with the whole Jacob situation (Read about Jacob HERE), work stress and Seth being a total stranger, I had an emotional meltdown. I texted Seth;

Me: Why are you being so cold?
Him: No I’m not. I’m just busy.
Me: Really? I’d say you’re crazy if you’re being cold just because I said the obvious out loud.
Him: No it’s nothing really. Just busy. I’m going to Iran tomorrow.

The next day I was off to Bangkok for my long awaited weekend vacation. I texted him when I got back and have been texting him everyday since.

Every night Seth would send me photos and videos of him partying. We’d have long conversations about everything and it was something that has not happened in a long time. Did he finally come to realization of his feelings for me too? Or does he only treat me as a buddy?

We even spoke of going to Iran for a 10 days trip in Spring where it wouldn’t be too cold but still be able go skiing and a 2 hour flight to the beach. As much as I know it ain’t gonna happen, I was happy.

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Seth is somewhere in the air on his flight back to KL right now..

What is going to happen when he is back in town?

With us being so similar in every way, could there even be a possibility that we could end up working things out? I know that he’s not interested in F-ing me anymore, he probably doesn’t like me that way now. All I know is that I was so devastated when he treated me like a stranger, I know I cannot possibly bare losing him as a friend.

Whenever people asked why I’m single, I have always answered, “If I find a guy who could make me happier than I am right now, I don’t see why not!“.

I have not been happier than when I’m around Seth.

 

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.. to be continued

 

VERDICT: I still have emotions and I think I’m in love (not quite something I’m willing to admit!)

The Stingy Cunts

I did 2 ‘dates’ in a day! Woot woooot!! Are you proud of me?

If you did not read my last post, I’m on a 5 first date challenge because I’m outright terrified of dates. I hate the thought of sitting down with a guy and listening to him yak. I definitely do not enjoy telling my life stories to him either.

Read about my disastrous Date 1 of 5 HERE

 

DATE NO.1 aka THE MID DAY BOOTY CALL

Name: MACK
Origin: Tehran, Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 6″1. Toned
First impression: Beautiful!
Age: 1 or 2 years younger

Some weeks back I matched with Mack on Tinder. We chatted on and off for 2 weeks before I eventually bumped into him at the club.

Everybody who knew me knows that I only go to that one club every weekend and Mack knew too. He was out partying elsewhere but came over at around 3am and texted me. Being a little too exhausted from all the drama that was going on with Phil and his girlfriend, I ignored his messages.

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I was lazing at the lounge/bar outside the club, completely sober when I turned and our eyes locked as Mack walked past me! Oh man, he’s gorgeous! Well to be fair, he is a model after all.

Speaking of models, I’m totally hating myself for not replying this dude on Tinder. We matched, he said hi and I totally ignored him for 3 months only to realize he is totally drop dead gorgeous in photos other than the ones he put up on Tinder. If only I had checked out his Instagram earlier! (I did so cause he was a mutual friend with Mack)

Anyways, back to Mack. We hugged and chatted for a little before he decided to rejoin his friends. Right before he left, he tapped on his cheeks, motioning me for a kiss. I shook my head but he did it again. Ahh, what the heck!

When I returned to my table, my girlfriends gave me the wiggly brow, ‘who’s the new guy’ look. I tried to contain my laughter but I burst out laughing as I texted him to join me at the other side of the club.

I decided I wanted a sober first kiss.

I know that was a weird statement but you see, I counted the number of guys I made out with which totaled up to about 45 (not that many.. but it isn’t a small number either) and the last I had a sober first kiss was 8 years back!

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So anyways, our hands intertwined as we entered the club and he grabbed on to me as we danced. 10 minutes flew by and I decided I should get back to Phil and his girlfriend who were arguing at the bar outside (they were my ride home and Phil told me to make it quick).

We kissed right after I screamed into his ears that I have got to get moving before a war starts outside though truthfully, I just very much wanted my bed. But yay! One off the checklist; A sober first kiss!

Mack tried to booty call me the day after but unfortunately it was the time of the month (again) and Mr Hot & Sexy Model would just have to wait a week.

 

YESTERDAY

I didn’t have much work to do. By 3pm, appointments were done and I was too lazy to continue working. I texted Mack;

Me: Hey baby what are you up to?
Him: I just got home. Doing some work. Wassup?
Me: Want me to come accompany you?

.. and with that, I drove a whole freaking 30 minutes to his place. “This F better be worth the distance!” played like a broken record in my head the entire journey.

I have not had anything to fill my growling stomach all day and we ordered me some pasta as soon as I arrived.

The doorbell rang, the delivery guy passed him the food and he just looked at me blankly as I ran to him with 20 bucks.

Excuse me, you’re already getting a free F delivered to your door. Can’t you at least have the courtesy of paying MYR14 for my food? Every body can afford MYR14!

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After my stomach was happy, we cuddled on the bed over an episode of Game of Thrones.

Of course we had sex but I’d rate it.. 4/10?

Mack is large and all but is it me or is it that Persian men do not bother with foreplay at all? He is the third one by now and it seems to be common with them. If he had bothered to fool around for a bit, I’m sure it would not have hurt as much!

We actually F-ed twice before I decided it’s time to make a move. I was bored. I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say. I did not want to fall asleep. I definitely did not want to stay after sex for any more sex.

Mack is gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. I’d rate his ass 15/10! Like really, he has gotta have the roundest, firmest ass I have ever seen on a guy.

But fact that he lives like 40 minutes from home, the lack of foreplay and that he could not even be bothered to pay for lunch was quite a major turn off. Oh and the lack of biceps too!

OK fine, I lied. A booty call isn’t a date!

 

 

DATE NO.2 aka TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM!

Name: ELI
Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Malay
Height: 6″. Skinny with a huge belly
First impression: Rich dude
Age: 3 years older

Eli is one of the guys we party with. One of the VIPs in the club who orders bottles after bottles of whiskey for as long as there are still people at his table.

Not that I’m judging, but I always have the opinion that people like them have no friends. They spend week after week at clubs paying for every body’s drinks so long as they have company.

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But free drinks? What is there to complain?

Even if there were 10 other gorgeous girls at the table, Eli would always try to get my attention. Most times I’d avoid him but the guys are always going, “take one for the team!”.

In other words, just lead him on.

Eli had asked me out for dinner for weeks now and finally, he told me;

Him: You know I’m going to see you again right?
Me: Yeah of course!
Him: Not in a club. I want to take you out for dinner.
Me: Why?
Him: Just to hang out..
Me: Hang out? Oohhh there’s this awesome pizza place.. Let’s all go together! *signalling Phil and his girlfriend to join the conversation*

Then I begged them to come with me.

Like really, I have nothing in common with Eli. I definitely am no where near physically attracted to him. How could I survive yet another date? Take one for the team, remember? What if I pissed him off too?

 

YESTERDAY

We headed to that awesome pizza place and like every fast food outlet, you will need to order at the counter and pay before you get your food.

To summarize the evening; Phil and Eli went to place our orders. Eli was looking grumpy while we waited for our food. Food came, we stuffed our faces and Eli became chatty again. All he talked of was himself and truth be told, if Phil and girlfie wasn’t there, I’d probably have pissed him off too!

I really do hate show offs. So what if you are a VIP in every other club and spend like a millionaire wannabe? Do you really need to announce that to the world?

During part of the conversation when we spoke of the club that Lance owned, Eli kept going, “I can afford it, but why should I bother? I don’t get VIP treatment there!“. Well darling, if I went to that club I’d be VVIP cause the owner wants to get into my pants. But did I announce that to the table? Obviously not! *rolls eyes* (Read a little about Lance HERE)

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When Eli went to the washroom, Phil told us that Eli only paid MYR20 off the total bill and Phil paid the rest. What guy asks you out to dinner but does not at least pay that 15 lousy bucks for your pizza? Again, it’s not that I cannot afford the MYR15, but it is common courtesy! Well, at least in Malaysia.

Eli is definitely not getting a second date and definitely not gonna get into my pants (not like he ever had a chance). Perhaps Christy can take one for the team from now on.

And yeah, this too wasn’t exactly a date. A double date more like it but also yet another awkward failure!

UPDATE: Eli asked me out again. Why don’t they just get a hint?

 

VERDICT: I have no idea if I have developed a habit of pissing men off or if my tolerance has became so low that I nitpick at every little thing they do or say! All I know is I am terrified of the potential outcome of my 3 upcoming first dates.

The Male Dumb Blonde

I was going through an almost two month dry spell and was beginning to question if there was anything wrong with me after my two encounters with the Italians that did not end with a happy ending. I blame my fascination with Tinder. All chatting and no meeting turns you into Sahara!

It even came to a point where I made a bet with Lucca on who was gonna get laid first.

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Seth, my previous F-Buddy texted me at 12.30am regarding work and I was dead beat bored (Read about Seth HERE).

As tired as I was, I wanted to hunt.. and if all else failed, I could attempt to seduce Seth. Yeah, beggars can’t be choosers. Then again, it’s not that much of begging with that level of hunky-ness and knowing for a fact that satisfaction is guaranteed!

The night before was a disaster. I found a hot Syrian guy, with a solid toned body on the dance floor. We made out a little.. no fireworks. Big boohoo! Went back to my friends.

Me: What are you doing? I’m bored! Let’s go for some beers.
Seth: Really? I’m so tired. Come pick me up.

We went to my usual hang out cum hunting joint, a local club where foreigners frequented with many rooms that played different music. The place was packed filled with hot young things. Seth was in heaven. But not a single hot guy was in sight. I began turning grumpier as the minutes ticked.

Seth: Look at that ass! I’m gonna bang that tonight! *smirks*
Me: If I continue hanging out with you, I’m gonna turn lesbian. I wish there were half the amount of hot men in here as there are hot chics!
Seth: With your taste, you need to go to the gym, not a club!

To summarize it, I was bored. Seth was keeping me entertained but I wanted some fresh meat. We went out to the lounge, found my friends.. and that’s when I saw him seated with a girl.

Me: OMG OMG! He’s so hot!!
Seth: Him? *waves at the guy*
Me: OMG you know him? He’s Persian too?
Seth: Yeah he is. We were sleeping with the same girl at one point of time and that’s how I met him. I don’t remember his name though.
Me: Owh.. He looks European. Is that his girlfriend?
Seth: Nawww.. He’s just like me.

The night was getting better after all!

Silhouette of people dancing at a disco. Image shot 2008. Exact date unknown.

We went back into the club and did not see him for a long time. The table we were at had more than 20 bottles of champagne but there was still nothing I fancied.

I gave up my hunt and started plotting ways to seduce Seth who was pretty much still right by my side the entire time. I was surprised he did not leave me to chat up the many hot young things around us.

Then the hot guy came around for a chat with Seth. I did a quick head-to-toe scan of the both of them. He had biceps way larger than Seth, a little shorter but definitely bigger in every other way.

He was about to leave when I smacked Seth hard on the ass.

Seth: Meet my friend, Tessa!
Guy: Oh hey! I’m Pier *shakes my hand*

Name: PIER
Origin: Tehran, Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 6″. Buffed
First impression: He is HUGE! Bad ass gorgeous with a large tattoo on his arm
Age: My age

As we started talking, I noticed Seth was immediately out of sight. I scanned the room and noticed him chatting up some girls. I thought to myself, “Aww how sweet, he stayed with me till I found some entertainment!”.

I found out that Pier had been in KL for the past four years doing his Masters and was a part time model. Seth hangs out with a bunch of really good looking Persians. I was at one point eyeing on a well known Persian model friend of his. I met the guy twice but only through his cousin (a close friend of Seth’s) who insisted that I introduced a girl or he would not let me get to him. I ain’t no pimp, baby!

After some small talks and dancing, we got closer. He didn’t dance much, or more like he did not have the moves. He was pretty much a straight forward guy with no humor. All in all, he was all looks, no charms.

Him: Let’s go somewhere else. I have tequila at my place.
Me: *laughs* No way. You don’t want to give me tequila.
Him: Now I want to even more!
Me: Hand me the tequila and I’ll jump on you, then puke in your face!
Him: Beers then!
Me: You need to give me a better reason.

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He kissed me.

He was a good kisser and for the rest of the night, we were pretty much flirting and making out.

When Pier went to the washroom, I went to Seth. He was getting pretty intoxicated and started smacking my ass while dancing.

Me: Hey stop that! Your friend will be back soon!
Seth: Where is he? Let’s go, I’m getting drunk.
Me: Washroom. If he doesn’t come back, we’ll go home. You taking anyone home?
Seth: I got 2 girls numbers but not tonight I guess.
Me: Your friend is so HOT! *squeezes his biceps* You know what I always say bout huge biceps!
Seth: Go for it!

When we finally decided to leave, we found Seth on the way back from the dance floor with a girl.

Me: Let’s go! Are you taking her home?
Seth: No. Another girl.. wait, I’ll go get her.
Me: Make it quick, I’m tired!
Seth: *returns from the crowd* She’ll be driving over, let’s go!

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With Pier at the back seat sitting in silence and Seth driving us back, I was laughing and singing and chatting with Seth about everything and anything the entire journey.

I realized how much I wished I was following Seth home instead of that male version of a dumb blonde. If only I had not bothered with Pier. I had a pang of jealousy that some chic was gonna get that fabulous drunk animalistic sex that night and it wasn’t gonna be me.

Seth dropped himself off;

Me: Good night darling, you have fun!
Seth: I definitely will baby! You too! *winks*
Me: Love ya, byebye!!

Yes, I love Seth, not in that romantic way.

Back at Pier’s place, I ran to the washroom as soon as I got in and when I came out,

Me: So where’s the beers?
Pier: What beers? Why do we need beers?

He carried me to the couch where we made out before heading into the room. When he took his top off, WOW! He was definitely a sight for sore eyes! He had an extremely huge package too!

Pretty much sums up his body (including the chicken legs!)

But when he fumbled with removing my bra and struggled to put on a condom for a good amount of time, I was rolling my eyes in my head thinking of how bad the sex was gonna be.  It hurt big time for at least a minute, and truth be told, I think I enjoyed the view of him more than the sex itself.

It was alright, nothing mind blowing. But seriously, all that looks and no experience to go with it?

One could say the guy might be bored and wanted to get the sex over and done with. That could explain the lack of performance. But no one could possibly fake (or think of faking) the inability to remove a bra or putting on a condom effectively. Some things comes naturally with practice.

I left after a cigarette, glad that the dry spell was finally over.

My sexuality has been reaffirmed and by an extremely hot stud. As much as he had a personality of a log, I might just turn him into a F-Buddy for his good looks and rainy days, a.k.a The Dry Spell.

VERDICT: I have long admired the looks of Persian men. Their beautiful features, gorgeous body and extremely well endowed package. As Seth always told me, “Once you go Persian, there’s no other version!“. I’m think I’m beginning to believe it!

The Shagging Machine

A month into single hood after Luke (Read about Luke HERE), I was keeping myself busy with work.

The only thing I F-ed was an old F-Bud from 3 years back, Cody (Read about Code HERE) and truth be told I was bored outta my skull. I probably would not have been if he stayed in shape. I was going through a dry spell, but I still didn’t wanna do him. I was belly-phobe.

One day, I had to meet an agent to pass a set of keys. When I saw her, my inner Goddess came to life. Next to her was a tall, tanned, muscular dude.

Me: Heyyy sorry I’m late. Is that your client?
Her: No. He’s my friend.
Me: Owh. Your boyfriend?
Her: No babe, my good friend.

Yes, his bod looked like this with slightly less toned abs.

Yes, his bod looked like this.

Turns out that he too was an agent and we were working on the same area. We exchanged pleasantries and our name cards and I was well on my way back to the office.

Name: SETH
Origin: Tehran, Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 6″2. Buffed
First impression: Tall, gorgeous, well built. Wow! He looked like a Bollywood star!
Age: 3 years older

As soon as I sat down, I texted him regarding work. We were all formal about stuff and when I complimented his Whatsapp profile photo, all he said was “Thank you“. Not even a ‘you too‘? How rude! How could he not be even slightly interested? Could this guy be gay?

Later in the evening, when I texted him to inform that I was unable to schedule the appointment, we started talking about random stuff. People in Japan, Tehran.. and while we were talking about profile photos;

Me: You should change your website photos to your Whatsapp photo. You’d attract the sugar mamas. You look gay in it though..
Him: I’m definitely not gay and you’re pretty. You’re not safe!

WOOHOOOO!! He is interested afterall!

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Me doing the victory dance

By then I was running late for Gina’s surprise party and told him that I gotta get going.

Me: Do drop by if you can make it. You could be my date
Him: I’d love to. I’ll be late, but I’ll definitely be there.

My mind was about to explode; YESSSSS!! I’m finally gonna get laiddd!! *does another round of victory dance*

I texted the agent I met one last time. Babe, you sure Seth isn’t your boyfriend?. The last thing I needed was an enemy at work. She gave me her blessings.

When Seth arrived at the party, he got along with everyone just fine. Turns out he didn’t only have the looks but a personality to match it! He was funny and charming and he drank like a fish.

Seth: *Talks to the very drunk birthday girl*
Gina: Shut up! I don’t wanna talk to you. Kiss Tess now!
Seth: *Immediately turns and kisses me on the lips, lingering long enough to show he wanted more*

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As the night continued, we danced, we drank, we made out a whole lot. I wouldn’t define him as a good kisser but he definitely knew what he was doing and he had the balls to make the moves.

When the night ended, I was about to drive him to his car which was parked further down the road when we started making out.

Him: Come to my place.
Me: No. It’s 4am and I’m tired.

We ended up F-ing in the car at the side of the streets with cars driving by and a guard opposite the road who was most likely watching us.

Him: Please come to my place.
Me: Whattt? You can still go on?
Him: *Smiles cockily*
Me: I’d love to but I’m tired. The last thing I need is to drive home at 6am. If I come, do you promise I can sleep after?
Him: Yes, I have an 11am appointment but you can sleep in. I promise.

Seth cooked us instant noodles for supper, we sat around for a bit and we did it again at his place. He is by far the largest D I’ve ever had and it felt so good! I knocked out right after.

I have a thing for hot men in jeans

I have a thing for hot topless men in jeans. And YES!! His body looked just like this!

I woke up to him getting dressed for work. Taking in the gorgeous body as he zipped up his jeans, Seth sat down next to me. He had biceps that could turn an otherwise smart girl into a bimbo.

Me: Go away. Shooo.. Go to work. You need to stop being topless in front of me!
Him: Go back to sleep baby. I’ll be back before you know it.

When he returned, he wanted to go at it again.

Me: Noooo.. I’m sore! You’re so huge!
Him: I can make you want to…

Of course we did it again. I dressed up to leave when we were done. I wanted to sleep, I was very sore and very happy. But I just didn’t want to seem like I was that into him and I definitely did not want to lie around talking and cuddling after sex.

Him: Where are you going?
Me: I’m hungry. Come if you want.
Him: I’m sleepy. Let’s sleep.
Me: No. I’m going with or without you.

Annoyed, Seth got dressed and followed me out. During lunch, we spoke of random stuff. He was shocked that I was just freshly single. Perhaps he was afraid that I’d emotionally latch on to him.

I did not see or speak to him till the end of the week when I just finished an appointment and it was raining. Not wanting to brace the traffic home, I called him, “Do you have beers at home?“. Within 10 minutes I was at his place.

After sex, we talked for a bit before we headed out for dinner. I realized I was beginning to enjoy his company a little more than I should. I decided to meet him less.

But during the next 2 weeks, I had to meet him a couple of days throughout the week due to work. I began to realize how much every sentence always had the word ‘no strings attached‘ attached to them. Clearly he was making it obvious that he wanted nothing more than to F me and still be able to work together. No problemo, baby! It was what I wanted after all.

That week Seth outright ignored my advances to hang out. He did not even bother to reply. I figured he must have been occupied with his many other chics or that he just didn’t want to see me anymore. After 2 attempts, I gave up.

The next week, he attempted a booty call. I told him I was headed to McDonalds to meet Jenna and he could join me if he wanted.

Yes, food and friends are far above sex on my hierarchy and this dude needed to be booty-trained. I never entertain booty calls for when I eventually want the sex, they’d be readily available.. and it works every single time. Its like little boys being handed a candy when they are well behaved. Until they’re well trained at least!

Seth never ignored my advances since and always had a legit reason or apologized if he couldn’t make it.

Over the next 2 months, we met up for our weekly sexcapades. This guy was a F-ing machine. Seth would skip all form of foreplay and bang for a full hour without stopping. He was a pornstar when sober while the animal in him comes out to play whenever he was intoxicated.

Seth would greet me at the door with a condom in his pocket. We’d immediately start making out and before I knew it, I’d be totally undressed. Seriously, this guy must have went to college with a class that taught boys how to undress girls within a second! We F-ed at every corner of the house. He gave me a good Christmas F and we ended the year with a bang on New Years Eve. We even brought beers and F-ed at our client’s house!

*Clears throat* OK, You probably don’t know, but I’m a real estate agent.

Seth started being more open and comfortable around me. When we weren’t F-ing, we’d sit around talking about our promiscuous ways. How he picked up random chics at bars/clubs, how annoying some girls were while showing me their messages. I did the same. I would ask for advice on how to rid of men I was no longer interested in, showed random photos of men whom I wanted to F.

We spoke of work and culture, relationships and sex, family and friends.

Me: You’re so huge!!
Him: I am not! It’s average. Some white girls even find it small. Seriously!
Me: But I bet every Asian girl thinks you’re huge..
Him: Yup! *smirks*

We went for appointments together. Bitched about our clients. We did our work together at his place. Seth would subtly flirt and touch me whenever our clients were not looking.

We would have beers and watched TV indoors. Lunch, dinner, beers while checking out the opposite sex..

Him: Check out that chic.. *points* She’s Korean.
Me: Nah.. You have bad taste!
Him: Yeah I have bad taste *stares at me intensely* You definitely have a good taste *winks*
Me: *face palm*

We even went partying and hunting together! We would go our separate ways in the club, did our thang and went home together for a good F. I witnessed how Seth could put the guys featured in “The Game” (the book on pickup artists) to shame when he went straight up to gorgeous girls and got their number in literally under a minute.

Seth taught me Persian, though I just can’t seem to pronounce most words. I taught him Chinese and Malay where he picked up really fast.

Me: How do you say ‘how are you’?
Him: Chatori. Cha-to-ri..
Me: How do you say ‘bitch’?
Him: Jende. Jenn-dehhh
Me: Oh salam chatori, jendeh!

It was the perfect relationship. Seth was the perfect F-Buddy. He was a very happy guy. Never grumpy, always smiling, singing and making a joke about everything. I felt alive every time I was out with him. But we were similar in one too many ways, namely, we got bored fast.

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Eventually, it felt like we were in a relationship whenever we met. He became predictable. Kinda boyfriend-like except that after he’s out of sight, we don’t communicate for anything other than work. We started being OK with hanging out with each other’s friends. He would nag about my smoking and eating habits while I got annoyed every time he did not clearly specify certain details about work.

Me: Geeezzz.. READ my messages carefully! Read it again!
Him: You grumpy granny. Lost all your patience with me huh? *smiles charmingly*
Me: *feeling bad* Sorry, I’m very hungover.

I realized that we went into a routine, it was no longer the earth shattering sex we once had. Seth was now an open book. He was no longer a mystery. I used to drool at the sight of him, but I no longer take a second look when he goes topless. Even his big bulging biceps no longer had an effect on me.

Ultimately, I got bored. I’m sure he did too. And when he started dating a girl regularly, I decided to stop F-ing him.

I did not mind that Seth was banging every other girl in the club. Afterall, he was readily available every time I called.

But when Seth starts to date a girl and goes “Yes baby.. No baby. OK baby.. Sure honey“, it got annoying.. and I sure did not enjoy being No. 2.

Was I jealous? Yes, cause I never got that kinda treatment but no because Seth was still picking up random chics and F-ing me. I know for a fact that even if he ‘baby’ me all the while, it would not be real. He had been real with me and I really appreciated that.

Do I want to be in an ‘exclusive’ relationship with Seth? Definitely not. We both can’t stay loyal to save our lives.

Was my heart broken? No, I don’t think so. Actually, not at all. I just got very agitated that I now had to hunt down a new F-Buddy and it is not gonna be an easy task!

 

A MONTH LATER

Me: So what’s the deal with this chic. I still can’t picture you in a relationship.
Him: I’m a good boyfriend! I really like her. I’m not in a relationship with my girl. I’m dating her.
Me: What is the difference?
Him: Dating is F-ing but still being able to F other girls. Relationship is all the serious stuff with friends and family involved.
Me: We F-ed. But we weren’t dating.
Him: *after brief thoughts* No, we were dating. We went out a lot, we spent time together..
Me: How’s that different from open relationships, F-Buds, no strings attached, friends with benefits..
Him: We were F-Buds too! Hmm.. Whatever, it’s all the same meaning..

We stopped F-ing and went back to being co-agents. We still have appointments together but we hardly hang out. I miss having him around but this one’s very emotionally dangerous. If I wasn’t careful, I could have gotten burnt big time!

He was awesome in many ways. He was a good friend, a great co-agent and definitely a freaking awesome shag. I’d definitely do him again anytime when he turns available again. I truly enjoyed the 3 whole months I spent being with him.

To be continued Part 2 and Part 3.

VERDICT: He was my very first foreign man and I kept wondering; He is so different from all local men and if he’s an average Persian as he claims, how amazing would an experienced Persian be? In fact, all foreign men could be a wonderful new experience!