The Disappointment

Now why am I disappointed?

I’ve never been with a Hungarian man.

According to THIS article, Hungarian men has the largest ding-dong in all of Europe.. and I quote Cosmopolitan, “The average reported length of Hungarian men: 6.5 inches“.

And THIS article states that Hungarian men lead the pack in sexual prowess.

Flag_of_Hungary.svg

Long story short, its the end of the year and gorgeous foreign men are flocking into the country. I decided that I wanted to try going on a date with a passerby. A tourist. It’s not everyday that I come across hot men based in KL after all.

Swiping through Tinder, I matched with Keith. He left me a message soon after and when I finally checked, he was already out of the country. I did not bother to reply.

After Halloween, I uploaded a Tinder moment of me in my party costume. Keith messaged me again.

I learnt that Keith was a flight attendant with a major airline and would be having a layover in KL in a week. I thought to myself that this was my chance of doing a passerby! The dude would not permanently be in KL but I might just be able to see him again if I liked him enough!

We chatted over Whatsapp for the entire week. Keith was a chatter. The amount of texts he sent was quite frankly overwhelming. I now understand how men feel when we flood their screen with messages.

YESTERDAY

It was the day we planned to meet. Keith wanted to check out Marini’s 57 at KLCC. It was a high end bar on the 57th floor of an office building right next to KLCC with the perfect view of the Twin Towers. Needless to say the drinks were way over priced. Not a place I particularly fancy.

I braced the insane traffic into the city hoping that it would not be yet another disaster date. He did not have roaming nor does he have any Internet as soon as he leaves his hotel so we chose to meet at Starbucks. Little did I know that KLCC had a total of 3 Starbucks including the one at Aquaria.

When we finally met, we had an awkward hug and exchange of kisses on the cheeks. I was dying of hunger (what’s new?!) and decided on a place to eat.

Name: KEITH
Origin: Hungary
Ethnicity: Hungarian
Height: 6″2. Normal, a little buffed
First impression: Very good looking
Age: 2 years younger

Conversation was smooth (but rather boring) throughout dinner and drinks at Marini’s. We took turns to pay for our rounds of beers. Took some photos and selfies with the Twin Towers at the background before we left for another bar near the hotel he was staying cause I was simply dying for the pizza.

dating-couple

While sending him back to his hotel after more beers, we got lost BIG time!

Although it is a freaking 5 star luxury hotel, I was not able to search for it on my Garmin. Waze took us right next to the hotel and said that we have reached our destination while we were still on the highway with no turning into the place. We tried searching for landmarks nearby on Google maps to key into my Garmin but still we couldn’t find anything!

We got lost driving around for a whole hour! I was infuriated but had decided to remain calm. I had after all spent MYR 90+ for the night and with all the driving around (when I could have easily dropped him off somewhere and asked him to take a cab), I HAD to try this Hungarian man! I ain’t gonna go hunting for another one.

When we finally found our way to the hotel, I was exhausted, extremely sleepy and very, very thirsty.

Him: I’d invite you up but you would need to park your car.
Me: If you have water up there, I’ll park my car.

Got up to the room, had a couple of ciggies while making stupid small talks till he finally said that we should move to the bed.

To be honest, Keith is really good looking but I really wasn’t sexually attracted to him at all. I blame the 2 articles for my curiosity!

When Keith kissed me, initially I thought it was funny. He kept circling his tongue in circular motions around my lips. Then I realized he wasn’t teasing me, that was just the way he kissed! Man, it was frustrating.

bad-kisser-tongue-face-licking

I wish I could ask him why he kissed the way he did but obviously something like that would break his ego or offend him or something. Keith had after all been telling me all night that most female flight attendant are hitting on him. I expected him to be more well experience.

As I unwrapped the package, I was dumbfounded! Was it fully awake? Were the undies too tight that maybe I did not get a full grasp of it?

I have always said that undressing a man is like tearing open a present. You never know if it would be a happy surprise or a shocking one, and not in a good way.

Turns out, either the article was full of shit or that I’m just lucky to have found one of the minorities in size. It was probably no larger than 4 inches and not much of a girth too. I might as well have F-ed a Chinese boy! Let’s just say Keith has a size that you would love only if you were deeply in love with him (then even his farts would smell good!).

6″2 and tiny? Oh well, I guess God is fair. Keith has gotta be the smallest packaged foreign man I have experienced thus far. And there I was bragging to my friends that all foreigners are way larger than us Malaysians. I guess I have just been lucky this whole time. They were all at least 6 inches!

Oh and the performance? Lets just say I wish I could roll over and sleep. I was so afraid that I would actually doze off!

Me: Did you just cum?
Him: No. I usually don’t cum fast, or not at all after I drink and with a condom on.

Damnit!

What Keith lacked in size, he made up for it in endurance (or was it cause it’s so boring that it felt like it was taking forever?) but it was really.. for the lack of better words to describe it, it was mind numbingly boring!

I now totally appreciate Finn, especially after blowing up at him multiple times and he’s still sticking around. I’ll save Part II of Finn’s story for another post. Read about Finn HERE. I think I’m gonna text him tomorrow!

Then again, Keith’s endurance could also be caused by the cock ring he sneakily slipped on expecting me not to realize. I honestly can’t be arsed.

Him: I’m too tired, I’m probably not gonna finish. We’ll continue when we wake up.
Me: I kinda need to leave after this.. and I’m reallyyy sleepy!

wave

And so I left.

P/S: Did I mention that Keith ditched Tinder date #2 to hang out with me longer? 7 hours of chatting that leads up to boring sex is just a massive waste of time. If only I passed him over to her instead.

VERDICT: I have been fooled by the height of men for the second time now. Tall dudes does not equal large package.