The GoodBYE

Name: ANDY
Origin: Brazil
Ethnicity: Brazilian
Height: 5″10. A little buff
First impression: Charming
Age: Same age

Exactly a year ago in March 2014, I matched with Andy on Tinder.

We spoke for a bit but never really made plans to meet up other than him inviting me over to his pad. *roll eyes*

Like seriously, as much as I F around, I ain’t gonna show up at a stranger’s home just cause he’s good looking in his photos.

What if the dude turns out to be a serial rapist, and worse, an ugly one with rotting buck teeth, bulging belly, baby penis and smells like rotten fish. Ok, I could go on forever with what disgusts and freaks me out, but you get my drift.

After awhile, I pretty much moved on from being bothered to even reply Andy.

brazil-flag-waving

 

JANUARY 2015

I met Paul, a Mexican-Brazilian one night through my then regular ToyBoy, Aaron. Read about Aaron HERE and HERE.

I was immediately in love with Paul.

No, not that way. Paul is gay.

Good looks, the life of a party, entertaining. Paul and I hit it off immediately. He even stayed away from Aaron when things started to get weird.

Anyways, I spotted Andy in some of Paul’s Facebook photos and told him about it.

Turns out Andy was Paul’s boss!

Paul told me of how charming, nice, friendly, successful and gorgeous Andy was in person and how I should get to know him.

I guess Paul painted the same picture of me to Andy from the way he described their conversations. “I told Andy.. Tess is craaayyyyyzehh! About the tequilas, how we partied like there was no tomorrow and that we made out.. He looked like he was soooo jealous he missed out!

Oh God yes, I made out with a gay dude. One drunken night as I was whining about Aaron, Paul just grabbed me and we made out. In fact, it was so intense I questioned his sexuality!

Paul: I like making out with girls for fun and when I made out with Tess, it was on fiyahhhhh! 
Friends: So Tess kisses like a guy?
Paul: No, it was gentler but it was craaaaaaaazyy!!

We planned to meet up with Andy weeks after weeks but it never happened even when Andy turned up at my usual joint. It was either I left early, was too wasted or did not check on my phone.

Guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

3 WEEKS BACK – SATURDAY

I attended a pool party. It was Paul and Andy’s farewell. They were leaving for Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Yes, I just met Paul and he was leaving. I’m still moping about it!

Paul: You’re late!! Come I have a surprise for you upstairs!
Me: I’m pretty sure I know what that surprise is.

Andy was no where to be seen when I got there so I mingled around with a whole bunch of strangers after Paul made me down half a glass of pure Vodka.

As I turned to get my beer, Andy appeared.

Me: *points at him* YOU!! You said you were coming to XXX yesterday and you only got there when it was closing?!
Him: Babe I even took photos to show you I was there! Anyways, it’s nice to finally meet you.. but only when I’m leaving?
Me: Fine let’s take a photo!

Our friends demanded that we took a kissing photo and we did after we took a decent one.

Yeah, I collect photos of guys I F! Some day I’ll print my very own Little Black Book. Plus, if I don’t F them that night itself, I could look back at them photos and decide if I still want to. I also like showing my friends how gorgeous my new F’s are. I’m sick like that.

A bunch of us were just talking when a really, really drunk girl latched on to Andy. She wanted to kiss him but he looked genuinely uncomfortable and when his friends laughed at him, he told them that he didn’t want to offend me. I figured he was quite a gentleman.

When I finally had enough of just talking, I strutted past Andy and he followed. We made out at the private hammocks away from the pool. Andy was a wet kisser. I had to stop in between just to wipe my mouth. But the make out was so intense we almost had sex there and then.

That's the exact place

That’s the exact place

Actually, we did have sex but it was just two humps and I decided it was a bad idea.

Me: No, stop! 
Him: Why?
Me: Let’s keep this for tomorrow or the day after. You’re the star of the party. Someone is going to come looking for you soon enough!

Then Aaron started texting and Christy came to pick me up soon after and I left without saying goodbye.

The boys were leaving on the following Saturday.

 

Andy and I planned to meet on Sunday but I bailed on him.

On Monday I flipped at him for getting off work at 2am (it’s true they worked odd hours. Even Paul gets off work at 3am at times) and he had to calm me down saying we’d meet on Wednesday for drinks instead.

 

WEDNESDAY NIGHT

It was Andy’s last day of work and his friends took him out for dinner and drinks. I, as usual turned up fashionably late at midnight to join the drunkards.

While Andy disappeared for a good long time chatting with his colleagues and left me with his friends, I had a couple of dudes trying to hit on me. I wasn’t interested at all. I was on a mission and those boys weren’t close to my type. When I told Andy about it,

Him: I know baby, I saw. You’re my girl. I’m not jealous.
Me: Confident much?

Many Jager shots and uncountable Vodkas in, everyone was highly intoxicated.

Andy’s blonde colleague was literally all over him. I even overheard him saying, “No babe, I’m an asshole. You should stay away from me” while trying to keep a distance.

Every now and then, Andy would come up to me, dance and reassure me that he was mine for the night. Or marking his territory. I had like 4 guys trying to pick me up by then and Andy watched it all happen.

BUT at about 3am, I was smashed and started getting agitated with how Andy was paying so much attention to the blonde and decided that I was going to leave with or without him after my cigarette.

Just then, this brunette chic, a friend of the blonde came up to me;

Bitch: Babe, I don’t want you to leave with Andy.
Me: Don’t worry about it. I’m about to leave anyway.
Bitch: No, really. I really don’t want you to leave with him. He’s a close friend of mine and he was heartbroken. There was this girl……
Me: Fine, I’m leaving now!

I wish I did that!

I wish I did that!

I was raging and I stormed off.

I not only stomped off but left a bunch of nasty drunk texts to Andy along the lines of ‘F you, you’re sucha F-ing waste of my time‘.

I ranted to Paul who just got off work. He called me all worried and goes all, “was Andy oblivious or was he being an asshole? Tell me! I won’t allow that, it would really piss me off!”

 

Later on, Andy texted me when he was leaving;

Him: Baby, where you?
Me: F off!
Him: *voice note* Baby I don’t know, I mean.. right now I’m heading back home and you’re like that.. what happened?

Andy called and eventually calmed me down.

Him: Why did you even listen to a girl you don’t even know?
Me: I don’t know. I was drunk and raging. What would you have done?
Him: I would have stayed and asked for an explanation!

Fair enough.

It wasn’t Andy’s fault that the chic was a bitch. If I had been sober, I’d have took Andy with me in her face. Least I did not throw a bitch fit in the middle of the bar!

But when Andy woke up, he had completely forgotten about the phone conversation and all he saw then were my nasty texts!

He was absolutely mad at me for insulting him.

I spent the day trying to get him to understand what happened and by 7pm, he called.

Me: *explains the entire night to him*
Him: Wow! She really told you that?
Me: Yes! Why would I lie about something like that?
Him: I believe you. I mean, she’s my friend and colleague and I love her but she’s crazy. Everyone knows she’s crazy.

I was to meet Paul that night for the very last time before he leaves and told Andy that he could join if he wanted.

Paul on the other hand thought it was ridiculous that I was still in talking terms with Andy, let alone inviting him out with us. He wanted no part of that.

 

THURSDAY NIGHT

I spent the night partying with Paul and his 3 Mexican friends who were in KL for holiday. I was absolutely floored within 3 hours of tequila, vodka and beers.

At about 3am, Andy texted.

Him: Where are you?
Me: I’m at XXX. Come!
Him: I’ll come but I’ll just pick you up is that ok?
Me: Sure

There was no way I could drink anymore anyway.

I got into Andy’s Uber and the driver had to stop mid way for me to puke.

When I got into Andy’s home, I ran straight for the toilet and puked my guts out.

I passed out on the sofa. Or was it on the bed?

At 5am, Andy woke me up.

Him: Babe wake up! I think you should get a cab.
Me: WTF? Seriously? F YOU!

I got up, grabbed my heels and stormed off.

Him: You know you could wait in here while you wait for the cab?
Me: F OFF!

I sent him an essay of drunk text telling him how he’s such an asshole for throwing a girl out at 5am just cause she’s drunk and how I wish I never met him.

 

FRIDAY

I deleted his number. I just did not need to rage text him anymore.

I was on the way to dinner with Lucca when Andy called.

Him: Baby, are you mad at me again?
Me: Why shouldn’t I be? I’m busy now.

Then I texted him;

Me: I cannot believe you have the balls to call me. You take me home and throw me out at 5am just because I was drunk? Are you even a man?
Him: Let me know if we can talk?
Me: I will not talk to you. I have nothing to say and I don’t wanna listen to any of your bullshit
Him: You were drunk what I supposed to do? You were not good Tess
Me: What guy throws a girl out in the middle of the night!
Him: What I supposed to do?? You were vomiting and drunk. I’m sorry for yesterday. I didn’t planned that. I just wanted to stay with you. But in that condition, I would never take advantage of a girl that is drunk. I respected you in that sense Tessa. And I’m really sorry. Hope you can understand. And I’m really sorry because you’re a nice girl.
Me: You couldn’t just let me sleep and sober up?
Him: I wouldn’t forgive myself to take advantage of that. You were vomiting Tessa. You also have to understand that.
Me: Whatever. BYE
Him: I’m really sorry Tessa but you have to understand I didn’t want to take advantage of that situation.

ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME?

I decided I was done with him. I had nothing left to say and he did not deserve another reply. Andy was after all leaving the next day anyway.

Never in my 10 years of debauchery had a guy or a friend ever throw me out for being too drunk.

Andy did not even need to take care of me. I was passed out sleeping.

A friend reckoned that Andy wanted to get laid and I was clearly out so he might have called in another booty call and wanted me gone. He probably thought he could deal with me the next day. I really have no idea.

Or maybe he was just a douche. Who really cares?

All I know is that Andy was a massive waste of precious time.

 

VERDICT: I blame it on the alcohol. With alcohol, drama follows. I woke up the next day to an epic hangover and swore to stay off alcohol for at least a month.