Val: He was just a fling of mine.
Me: What constitutes a fling?
Val: When you don’t only do them, but hang out with them as well?
Me: But.. Would you consider Cole a fling? He is a friend and a client whom I F and hang out with. But would you consider him a fling?
Val: Umm.. No, Cole isn’t.
Me: Then what about Nate? He’s Cole’s friend, we all hang out together, I have dinner and lunch dates with him, we F..
Val: That’s.. Uhh.. Complicated..
Me: We hang out with LEON and his friends. I F Leon, he’s a F-Bud though we aren’t exactly friends. Are we flings?
NOTE: Cole and Nate are besties whom I have been F-ing alternately, and separately. They don’t know that I’m doing the both of them. I’ll write about them soon enough 😉
THE SOCIAL HIERARCHY
Okay so I totally made that one up! But hear me out..
THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER
Yup, your boyfie/girlfie, hubsie/wifey, fiance is no doubt at the top of the food chain.
Who else are you going to confide your deepest darkest secrets to if not them, right? Why else should they exist other than to procreate?
These are your go-to’s when your S/O is unavailable. Or when the problem is your S/O.
The people who would be there for you so that you would not have to face this terrifying world alone. They have possibly seen you through puberty too!
Everybody needs friends. Be it the girls you party with weekly but have no idea what they do for a living or your colleague whom you spend every lunch hour bitching about your boss.
They aren’t your BFFs but they sure as hell are around you a lot. Or at least a phone call/text away when you are in need of some entertainment.
Yeah, that chic who’s always at the same bar. You acknowledge her but ain’t sure if her name is Michelle or Mandy.. You get my drift. You know them, but you don’t know them.
The GREY Area
Now this is the topic of discussion.
Who belongs in this category?
The F-Buds. The Friend with Benefits. The Casual Dates. The Flings. The No String Attached. The One Nighters. The Hook Ups.
Oops. No. Not the One Nighter. I guess you can slot that one in to the Acquaintance category. Acquaintances who F-ed. Sounds about right to me.
It’s true when Phil told me that my F-Buds are ranked even lower than my friends. If you’re sad and in need of a shoulder to cry on, you’d be calling your friends. Your F-Bud wouldn’t give you the time of their day if it wasn’t for the F’s.
But how can you even differentiate these people?
Does a F-Bud mean you mainly F and be a little bit of friends because you have no choice but to talk, while a friend with benefit mean you’re friends who F occasionally? How would casual dating differ from flings and no strings attached to hook ups?
There are a million articles on the Internet about putting a label on a relationship. But what are these labels exactly?
Say, I’ve been F-ing and/or dating a dude for 2 months straight and I’d like to put a label on it, not to be in an exclusive relationship per se, how do we identify which segment of the Grey Area do they fit in to?
So back to my conversation,
Me: What about KURT? Is he a fling?
Val: Okay, you win Tess. I don’t know anymore!
Christy: Flings and casual dating are pretty much the same. But I’m inclined to think that flings are purely for sex. If you date them for reasons apart from sex then you go one level up. But it’s still casual. You definitely dated Kurt, because you had the case of feeeeeeeels!
Me: No way in hell would I consider myself to have dated Kurt. Surely we texted a shit load. I don’t even text my boyfriends as much. But we never spend any one on one time together besides supper and F-ing that ONE time.
How should Kurt be categorized? A one nighter? No way, I know him way better than an acquaintance. A casual non-date? He’s definitely not just another guy, from another week considering how he’s been occupying a space in my head rent-free for the past couple of months! He’s not a friend because we don’t hang out. Is he just.. a guy I text? *gasp* That’s a whole new sub-category! *rolls eyes*
.. And so I have concluded that there can only be two categories of ‘romantic’ relationships in my life – A boyfriend and a F. An ex boyfriend, or an ex-F. But okay, I suppose I could sub-categorize them into a F-Bud or a One Nighter for argument’s sake.
If you landed on this post because you Googled on how to label your relationship, I’m sorry I did not answer your question. But while you’re at it, include this in to the spectrum of this generation’s dating culture for when you’re ready to hop out of the Grey Area and into the S/O category –
Whatever happened to the good ol’ days where people go on actual dates instead of Netflix and Chill? Oh wells, welcome to the 21st Century, boys and girls!
I can’t wait to see how the dating culture is going to continue to evolve. People are probably going to stop reproducing. Or maybe because us millennials are so afraid of commitment, humans would eventually go extinct.