What are you looking for?

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

That is the question asked by most, if not every man on Tinder (or real life).

Me: Why must I be looking for anything in particular?
Dude: You don’t. But people are always looking for something, whether they realize it or not.
Me: Fine. I’m looking for chemistry.

I’m talking about erotic novel’s kinda scorching hot sexual chemistry.

You see, despite all the partying, I have always been a closet nerd (an introverted extrovert?) and a novel junkie, ranging from stuff like Enid Blyton, Sweet Valley and RL Stine when I was a kid to various romance novels in my teenage years. I used to binge read those stuff!

These days I try my best to stay away from novels and read em useful psychology books to learn something useful instead. But still, every now and then, erotic fictions are my guilty pleasure.

It’s like watching porn, but all in your imagination. Imagine being the director, with the script to this amazing love story cum porn, being the heroin in a movie where you’re free to fantasize of this seductive, Godlike hero who would fall out-of-this-world in love with you AND F you into oblivion.

Psstt.. It is also a platform for reallyy interesting sex ideas that can be incorporated in real life F-ing. Ones that can never be found in Cosmopolitan articles on ‘how to turn your boyfriend on’ or porn itself. Christy often question where I get my ideas from.

I’m not talking about Fifty Shades. Sure, Christian Grey is every girl’s dream come true. But really? How often are we going to come across a multi billionaire who owns an empire, a private helicopter, who is young, drop dead gorgeous, has a huge junk and is amazing in bed? No. Just.. no!

50shadesofgreycoverart

But then again, Anastasia is a virgin who seems to be socially inept while Mr Grey is psychotically insecure. In real life, that is just.. a tad bit unrealistic. Ah common, it’s ridiculously unrealistic!

In terms of erotic romance novels, my personal favorites has gotta be Samantha Young’s On Dublin Street series and Christina Lauren’s Beautiful Bastard series. I am currently on Book 2 of Nikki Sloane’s Three Simple Rules series and I absolutely adore it!

Three Hard Lessons evolves around a heroin who works as an escort and gets bored of men way too easily until she met the hero of the book. This, I can totally relate (other than the group plays that I don’t particularly fancy). It is so unlike the infinite typical romance/erotic novels that centers around F-Boys who eventually falls head over heels for the good girls who orgasms at a flick of a finger.

How her skin tingle at the mere touch of their partner or how legs turn into jelly when he came in close proximity in these novels are not completely fictional.

13509103

I have experienced sexual chemistry as intense as described in these books with AARON and for the love of my life, I can never understand why. I disliked him in every other aspect but turn into mush just as soon as he touches me. The feeling was mutual. We just gravitate towards one another no matter how it pissed the hell outta the both of us. Trust me. It. Is. Real. I’d go into details but I don’t want to make this post about him.

If you have read any sort of erotic fiction, then you’d completely understand the phenomenal sexual chemistry that oozes out of these books.

But if you have never in your life laid hands on a copy of erotic novel, start with one of those 3 series for starters. On Dublin Street is considerably milder and the male lead is to die for. Be sure to have a vibrator and a box of tissues (for the waterworks due to the roller coaster of emotions it’s gonna put you through) on standby. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya! You’re welcome 🙂

772249

So yeah. What am I looking for?

Chemistry.

Because without chemistry, nothing else matters. Not even friendship.

What are YOU looking for?

 

Putting A Label On It

Val: He was just a fling of mine.
Me: What constitutes a fling?
Val: When you don’t only do them, but hang out with them as well?
Me: But.. Would you consider Cole a fling? He is a friend and a client whom I F and hang out with. But would you consider him a fling?
Val: Umm.. No, Cole isn’t.
Me: Then what about Nate? He’s Cole’s friend, we all hang out together, I have dinner and lunch dates with him, we F.. 
Val: That’s.. Uhh.. Complicated..
Me: We hang out with LEON and his friends. I F Leon, he’s a F-Bud though we aren’t exactly friends. Are we flings?

NOTE: Cole and Nate are besties whom I have been F-ing alternately, and separately. They don’t know that I’m doing the both of them. I’ll write about them soon enough 😉

 

THE SOCIAL HIERARCHY

hierarchy

Okay so I totally made that one up! But hear me out..

 

THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Yup, your boyfie/girlfie, hubsie/wifey, fiance is no doubt at the top of the food chain.

Who else are you going to confide your deepest darkest secrets to if not them, right? Why else should they exist other than to procreate?

 

THE BFFs

These are your go-to’s when your S/O is unavailable. Or when the problem is your S/O.

The people who would be there for you so that you would not have to face this terrifying world alone. They have possibly seen you through puberty too!

 

FRIENDS

Everybody needs friends. Be it the girls you party with weekly but have no idea what they do for a living or your colleague whom you spend every lunch hour bitching about your boss.

They aren’t your BFFs but they sure as hell are around you a lot. Or at least a phone call/text away when you are in need of some entertainment.

 

ACQUAINTANCES

Yeah, that chic who’s always at the same bar. You acknowledge her but ain’t sure if her name is Michelle or Mandy.. You get my drift. You know them, but you don’t know them.

 

The GREY Area

Now this is the topic of discussion.

Who belongs in this category?

The F-Buds. The Friend with Benefits. The Casual Dates. The Flings. The No String Attached. The One Nighters. The Hook Ups.

Oops. No. Not the One Nighter. I guess you can slot that one in to the Acquaintance category. Acquaintances who F-ed. Sounds about right to me.

It’s true when Phil told me that my F-Buds are ranked even lower than my friends. If you’re sad and in need of a shoulder to cry on, you’d be calling your friends. Your F-Bud wouldn’t give you the time of their day if it wasn’t for the F’s.

But how can you even differentiate these people?

Does a F-Bud mean you mainly F and be a little bit of friends because you have no choice but to talk, while a friend with benefit mean you’re friends who F occasionally? How would casual dating differ from flings and no strings attached to hook ups?

 

There are a million articles on the Internet about putting a label on a relationship. But what are these labels exactly?

Say, I’ve been F-ing and/or dating a dude for 2 months straight and I’d like to put a label on it, not to be in an exclusive relationship per se, how do we identify which segment of the Grey Area do they fit in to?

 

So back to my conversation,

Me: What about KURT? Is he a fling?
Val: Okay, you win Tess. I don’t know anymore!
Christy: Flings and casual dating are pretty much the same. But I’m inclined to think that flings are purely for sex. If you date them for reasons apart from sex then you go one level up. But it’s still casual. You definitely dated Kurt, because you had the case of feeeeeeeels!
Me: No way in hell would I consider myself to have dated Kurt. Surely we texted a shit load. I don’t even text my boyfriends as much. But we never spend any one on one time together besides supper and F-ing that ONE time.

 

How should Kurt be categorized? A one nighter? No way, I know him way better than an acquaintance. A casual non-date? He’s definitely not just another guy, from another week considering how he’s been occupying a space in my head rent-free for the past couple of months! He’s not a friend because we don’t hang out. Is he just.. a guy I text? *gasp* That’s a whole new sub-category! *rolls eyes*

 

.. And so I have concluded that there can only be two categories of ‘romantic’ relationships in my life – A boyfriend and a F. An ex boyfriend, or an ex-F. But okay, I suppose I could sub-categorize them into a F-Bud or a One Nighter for argument’s sake.

If you landed on this post because you Googled on how to label your relationship, I’m sorry I did not answer your question. But while you’re at it, include this in to the spectrum of this generation’s dating culture for when you’re ready to hop out of the Grey Area and into the S/O category –

 

 

Whatever happened to the good ol’ days where people go on actual dates instead of Netflix and Chill? Oh wells, welcome to the 21st Century, boys and girls!

I can’t wait to see how the dating culture is going to continue to evolve. People are probably going to stop reproducing. Or maybe because us millennials are so afraid of commitment, humans would eventually go extinct.

Finding THE One

Yup, it’s been two whole months since my last post.

No, it wasn’t Sahara season but I must admit that I spent all of February being in a KURT limbo.

Limbo-2

Some weeks after I returned from Phuket, Kurt texted and we resumed our ‘friendship’.. and by friendship, I meant texting daily and not actually hang out other than to meet after party hours like we used to. No F-ing either.

Though I was once again an emotional train wreck, I can proudly say I am way over him now after realizing what a judgmental douchebag he has been about the way I choose to live my life. Who is he to judge when he has two girlfriends here in KL and one in Germany. No one needs judmental F-Boys like this in their lives!

So yeah, I recruited a Tinder F-bud but could hardly go through with my V-Day F cause Kurt was occupying all of my brain space and I snapped out of it mid-F after I achieve my orgasm, dressed up to leave right after when we actually planned for me to stay the night. It was our second time and he is a good F as much as he’s pretty fun to hang with. What a waste, that English Tinder dude was hot!

When March rolled along, I started F-ing an old acquaintance, LEON regularly. Like once or twice a week, all month long till things naturally faded out. This one’s local, half European, a previous CLEO Bachelor and pretty damn popular with the ladies.

But still, I’m clueless about what to write about as none of these F-Buds and one nighters are blog worthy. There is of course this one dude that stood out but he’s so high profile that there is no way for me to write about him without being obvious as to who he is. KL is a small place after all!

Christy on the other hand managed to make a boyfriend out of a one nighter she plucked from the club. All happy and intoxicated with love, she tells me to get a boyfriend too.

Christy: How are you ever going to get a boyfriend if you get bored of F-ing a guy after 5 weeks?!
Me: Exactly. I ain’t looking for one.
Christy: Don’t you ever wanna settle? I’m so happy right now!
Me: I’m happy for you but I can’t imagine having a boyfriend, let alone husband if I can’t even sustain a F-Bud!

Relationships aren’t just about trust and love. It has got a lot to do with chemistry. Compatibility can’t be forced. It’s not just personality compatibility, but also sexual compatibility and chemistry.

 

CHEMISTRY

We all know about chemistry in general. How we get along with someone as soon as you meet them. How you read one another’s mind and finish each others’ sentences. How you’d laugh till your belly hurts at their jokes when your friends simply roll their eyes because it ain’t all that funny.

 

COMPATIBILITY

compatibility

Then there’s compatibility. If you spend your nights chugging shots after shots and your days curled up with a hangover, while your partner prefers to hike early in the AMs and spend the day at the waterfall, we are going to have a huge problem. You could love each other to bits, but your lifestyle ain’t gonna match!

 

COMPROMISE

I know, I know. Compromise. Yes, you can. But the after effect of compromising is just anger. Anger that you don’t get to party with your friends and miss out on life. Anger that you have been taken away from things you love, eg. animals, nature, art, etc..

 

SEXUAL CHEMISTRY

Most girls would say, “Nahhh, it doesn’t matter as long as I love him“. Bullshit. I have loved CHAD a whole lot. I even considered spending the rest of my life with him. But there was never sexual chemistry with us. Sex was just wham, bam, thank you ma’am! I felt nothing!

I don’t know about you but I go into a F-Frenzy when the chemistry is good. Like nothing else matters and all I want is to devour the dude. That raw, passionate lust.. and when it’s over, you just snap back into reality. Not even talking about emotions here.

 

SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY

The sexual chemistry I had with my last boyfriend, LUKE on the other hand was unmistakable. It was downright crazy. BUT.. we were no where near compatible. While his sex drive was close to non-existent, mine shoots above the roof. Trust me, arguing about sex is anything but sexy. There wouldn’t even be any make up sex involved.

Read: Sex 4 times in a year after the sexual tension cooled off. No wonder I cheated!

Then of course there is that issue about trying new things. My ex-boyfriend, CHAD would not even try watching porn with me. My friend got me a pair of cuffs that sat on the shelves for years. Need more description of my sad sex life?

 

 

PERSONALITY

This is a tricky one. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone.

While Christie liked the down to earth, quieter ones, the Beta males, I loved the loud, obnoxious Alpha males that Christie cringes and rolls her eyes at.

The louder he is, the more he has my attention. Them Beta males just won’t cross my line of vision.

Two months back I had to take JOHN‘s little brother out on his first trip to KL and I didn’t feel like doing it alone so I got SETH to come with me. Seth planned it all out from the bars, to being a wingman, to keeping all of us in check. There is no way I’d settle for anything less than someone who can lead a pack.

I can very well lead the pack, but sometimes a girl just wants her man to do it for her.

Christie and I even joked about how I should schedule three Tinder dates at once and bring them out with a group of friends. That would be the easiest way to determine who’s the alpha in the group.

I certainly cannot imagine what would happen if I had all my (previous) alphas at the same table.

 

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

This should have been mentioned first.

Picture this – You see a hot girl at the bar, and you see an unattractive one. Which would you approach if you had to?

It’s true that beauty is only skin deep but you wouldn’t even have dug deeper if you didn’t like what you saw!

Now I’m not talking about Men’s Health/Victoria Secret model hot vs the boy/girl next door. I’m talking about what attracts YOU.

 

 

That being said, sure there is no perfect human being. But I believe that there is a perfect other half for you, and only you somewhere out there. One who would give you butterflies in your tummy and gets your juices flowing but utterly disgusts others.

 

VERDICT: Maybe it isn’t that I can’t sustain a F-Bud but that I cannot be F-ed to do so because they’re just another guy, from another club on another week.

 

On Getting/Keeping A Guy

I have read many relationship self help books in my string of decade long continuous monogamous relationships. From Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus to Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps to Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman to Why Men Marry Bitches. While there are a whole lot of truth to how relationships works in these books, none of them really had an appeal to me. I already behave like a man. I didn’t really need a book telling me how the men’s brains were wired. I just couldn’t figure out why assholes behaved the way they did and I was more than anything drawn to them.

thegame

I was particularly amazed when I read Neil Strauss’ The Game. It was an insight in to the world of pick up artists. An eye opener it was. As much as they objectified women, they managed to cultivate a whole lot of techniques that really did work. Yes, it’s all about looking good to feel good in order to have the confidence to approach women with their sets of seduction techniques and (shocker!) attacking women’s insecurities and have them to seek for the men’s approval. They didn’t even need charms and wits!

Negging as they call it. I’ve had guys do it to me from time to time. Please ladies, why fall into the trap? Roll your eyes at them and eventually they’d be seeking YOUR approval!

Just over the weekend as I insisted that Christy had to read The Game, I wondered if there were any books on female pick up artists (or if they even exist!). I mean, it can’t be us girls just sitting around at bars waiting to be picked up by them men, right?

A simple Google search on ‘female pick up artist’ brought me straight to Arden Leigh, a seductress, former pro dominatrix who now runs a seduction forum coaching women to not sit around by the bar waiting for prince charming to stride along but to go out and get what you want.

ardenleigh

Ahh finally a book that reads my mind! Maybe we are just wired differently from some girls who preferred to be the damsel in distress. If I see what I liked, I’d go for it. Something Christy objects to in our everyday conversation.

Christy: But he didn’t show any interest!
Me: Don’t you think you should make him be interested in you? You can’t expect him to be interested based on just your looks!

It felt like Arden Leigh’s The New Rules of Attraction pretty much articulated all my thoughts about relationship and men into a book and spiced it up with her life as a dominatrix.

12237862

She spoke of how one should create their own persona and stand out among the crowd. Where Arden goes all out to be the best dressed at an event, I choose to stand out by just being under dressed. No, you don’t go out in flip flops and pyjamas. I’m all about less is more and that nothing gives you more confidence than when you’re feeling the most at ease and that is my persona.

On days I’m out at a club and not being particularly in the mood, I’d observe. There would be girls dolled up to the core with six inch heels holding a glass of champagne sitting/standing by the side and there would be the fun girl right at the top of the podium just doing her thing not giving two F’s about the world, dressed down in flats. Guess who nabs the guy? It has happened to me too. Them men notice when you’re having a good time and they want to be a part of that.

Now I’m no pick up artist nor am I a seductress. I am definitely no where as gorgeous as Arden Leigh is. But I get my guys. By the time I reached the end of the book, I realized only one thing. It’s not that I can’t get a guy. I can’t find a guy I actually want to say, “F the MMA fighters or English accents or A&F/Men’s Health models, all I want is you!“.

Want, not need. I’ve always told my boyfriends, “I want to be with you cause it makes me happy and if the relationship does not make me feel that way then there is no reason why I need you in my life

A couple of days before I picked up the book, Christy argued that I never gave enough time to get to know a guy. I truly believe that you can always tell a man’s personality after he cums. He is relaxed and he is himself because there is no need to impress anymore. If he’s nice, he’s genuinely nice. If he’s the serious kinda guy, it’ll show too and Arden confirmed that theory in her book. Not just men, it applies to me too (can’t speak for other women out there though).

Picking a guy based on a glimpse of his personality might sound shallow but hear me out. Chemistry and compatibility is something that cannot be forced. If it’s there, it’s there. If you don’t fancy a grumpy guy who seemingly feels like the world owes him an apology, then why pursue it? I personally love them silly dorky ones whose loud, witty and full of energy. There was no way I can settle for one who’s brooding his life away!

In the past 1.5 years I have been single, I went on dates with 13 different men. Some I went on a date just to get into their pants, some I lost interest after just one date. FINN lasted a couple of dates but I didn’t like his personality enough to want a relationship. It was only SETH and AARON whom I was obsessed with and even with the two of them, I didn’t want a relationship. As much as our chemistry was unmistakable and I loved their personality, Seth is everything but loyal while Aaron is a junkie, pothead and always, always drunk. I’m past the phase of trying to fix men.

 

VERDICT: Don’t pick a guy to spend your life with just because he is available or good looking. Go after what you want but there NEED to be chemistry, compatibility and sexual attraction. Don’t settle for less than what you think you deserve!

The Girl Before THE One

Just 2 days back, when I was in the neighborhood, I met up with SETH for lunch just to catch up. I haven’t seen him in more than a month and the last we hung out, I totally forgotten he was out with me and abandoned him in the club.

On the way to lunch he broke the news to me;

HE IS GETTING HITCHED AND IS LEAVING THE COUNTRY FOR GOOD!

Like whaaaaattttt?!!

The love of my life, the one guy whom I have been obsessed with over the past 1.5 years is going to vanish from my life forever?

Let me make this clear; It isn’t his body and/or his ability in the sack that I was attracted to. That lasted only a mere 2 months.

I love his personality. Seth would always be there to cheer me up and hear me out. He was my constant entertainment when ever we were out together and I always have the time of my life with him. He was patient, he was kind, he was intelligent, charming and very charismatic.

Even though we only F-ed for 3 months, Seth was my emotional pillar for the past 1.5 years. I was devastated when he broke the news to me.

I am shattered.

The chic he is about to marry, she was only in KL for 3 months and they dated for a mere 2 months. When she had to leave the country, she told him that she didn’t want to be away from him even if it meant marrying him.

Which brings me to the point of this post..

THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME I’M THE GIRL RIGHT BEFORE THE ONE

The first time it happened was back when I was 21. I was crazy over SID. But his girlfriend was pregnant and they went on to start a new life together in another state.

Then there were my flings, HANS and XAVIER and AIDEN and WAYNE.

SCOTT, my first boyfriend married the girl right after me and is now a father of two while my other 2 ex-boyfriends, CHAD and LUKE really wants to settle down and is looking for a wife.

Not to mention my 2nd ex-boyfriend, LEO has been dating his current girl for the past 7 years. I can already hear the wedding bells.

Perhaps it’s me.

I was the reason for their transition from being the playful boys they once were to the matured men they are now.

My boyfriends were trained into the husband I aimed for and then ditched because it became boring when my work was done. The next girl just needed to pick up my ready made work of art.

2

I probably freaked my flings out so badly that they scrambled off the dating pool and marries the next girl who isn’t as horrifying as I am.

F knows, AARON might just tie the knot with his blonde Russian beau in the near future!

So how do I deal with the emotional trauma of losing a love permanently?

IMAGINE HE’S DEAD

Yup. You read that right. You can’t possibly contact the dude if he’s dead. Am I right or am I right?

He has already decided to move on with life to start a family with a girl who is not you so why contact him at all?

What can you/he say or do that would possibly make things/you feel any better?

IF YOU’RE FINE BEFORE YOU MET HIM, YOU’D BE FINE WITHOUT HIM

Repeat this mantra with me.

Your life prior to his existence was peachy. He came in like a wrecking ball and became your world.

If you removed the virus from your system, how much worse can your life get?

It could only get better because the only thing that is getting in the way of your happiness (and meeting THE One) is a guy who doesn’t want you to be a part of his future.

IF HE WANTED TO BE WITH YOU, HE’D BE WITH YOU

Even if it’s all about timing, it is no excuse. Blame it on work, blame it on his financial status. But if he really did want to be with you, he would have done whatever it took to make that happen.

Maybe he was just not that into you. Ouch!

CLOSURE

As much as he should already be dead in your world, we all need closure.

Just as I wish I could still tell my late father I love him and how much I wish he was still here, I can never do that.

But you can still do it with that dude who decided to move on before you put a nail on that coffin (or sprinkle his imaginary ashes into the sea)

Do what you need to do. Don’t beg him to stay but tell him how you feel. Just don’t expect him to reciprocate your feelings.

And after all that’s said and done, smile. Be grateful that you have gotten past the era of emotional roller coaster, heartbreaks and uncertainties. The hardest part is over.

Smile because everything happens for a reason. After all, what else can you blame things on when life F’s you up, right?

Online Dating – What NOT to say

So I’ve had my OKCupid profile for a long time now. The ratio in which I reply is like 1 out of 30?

After all these months, I still receive like 5 messages a day on average. My inbox was flooded with messages when I first signed up and seriously, what is wrong with men out there?

599463_505393849517880_644328496_n-1

 

Recently, I decided to compile a messages that makes me go all Ewwww so here’s what NOT to say;

 

A PLAIN HI/HEY/HELLO

download

If you were at a bar and you stumble upon a girl that tickles your fancy, would you go up to her and just say, “Hi”? Like hello and full stop, nothing else and just stand there?

Good on you if you do but that is not something I encounter. Wouldn’t you at least say something along the lines of , “Hi I’m Brad and you are?” or “Hi are you having fun?”

 

BOOTY CALL

Even if you looked like The Rock, or Brad Pitt or Ian Somerhalder, you will still sound like a douchebag.

No girl is gonna jump out of the virtual world and in to your bed if all you want is sex without at least a decent conversation first! Think about it, if you were in a club, would you walk right up to a girl and said, “Hi, lets have sex!”. Chances are you’ll get a hard one across your pathetic face.

Besides all the “would you like to come to my place?”, I received a ridiculously long essay from a guy who explained how his friends were all settling down and he realized he is now all alone. Then he proceeds to tell me that all he wants is to have some fun without commitment. All within the first message!

If God was good to you and gave you a face of Ronaldo you might just get some reaction from girls.

I received countless messages like these, the most recent one being; Oh Tessa I’d fuck you so bad!

Wow! So much charm! *rolls eyes*

 

PICKING SOMETHING OFF HER PROFILE

Yes that is what every article on online dating advice tells you to do. But when a girl receives one too many messages asking about her love for cheese, it becomes boring. Just imagine being at a bar and one guy after another comes up to you and asks what is your favourite drink and why. The girl would be replying the same line to every guy and there is just nothing that would excite her anymore.

I was sitting at the cafe with some friends over the weekend and we whipped out our Tinder. My girlfriend started randomly messaging the guys. One of them had a photo of him cooking with some white stuff on the chopping board. She asked, “is that garlic or parmesan cheese?”

That is a pretty good conversation starter I must say. Instead of pointing out something he wrote on his About Me, she picked on the tiny details in his photos.

 

TEMPLATE MESSAGES

download (2)

Please for the love of God, don’t send the same message to a 100 girls! At least use your brains when you do! A guy sent me a message about how gorgeous my smile is.. when I wasn’t smiling in any of my photos.

Template messages are an equivalent to lame ass pick up lines. Try going up to a girl in a club and tell her, “Hi gorgeous, are you a Flappy Bird? Cause I’d love to tap you all night long!”

 

CAN WE CHAT?

I’m beginning to sound like a broken record but serioussssly?! Would you walk up to a girl and say, “would you like to talk to me?”. If you have something to say, say it! If it is not something you would say out in real life, why would you say it on a dating site/app?

Ie; Hi Tessa, you’re cute. I wanted to speak to you. How are you?

 

BAD GRAMMAR/SPELLING

Biggest turn off ever! Nuff said!

 

Now I regret deleting all the many lame messages I received over the months but here are a couple I compiled over the last 2 weeks of not deleting. I wouldn’t reply them even if they looked like Ian Somerhalder from Vampire Diaries!

horrified expression

Love to know more about you
That’s all? Not even a hi?

I wud luv to take u out clubbing sometime soon
Spell check please?

Hey ya, this might be a bit too quick but I got a couple of tickets to the movie blended, you fancy going? No pressure just a movie, after all what’s better than meeting ppl to get to know them 🙂
You don’t even know my name and you’re asking me for a movie? And by mentioning the word pressure is already pressure!

haha you’re kinda badass with that profile pic and plus we’re like 76% matched, pretty high i’d say, we should talk more 🙂
Like I’ve said, if you got something to say, say it! Why are you laughing at the beginning of a sentence? Would you go to a girl and laugh before starting a conversation?

I think you have a sexy pussy
Try walking up to a girl and say that to her face, you retard!

I’m from XXX and I’m master student in XXX at XXX. I’m 29 and single man. Nice to meet you.
Is this a job interview?

Hello naughty girl, I want to ask u out instead of just chat talking, agree?
Why are you calling someone you don’t know a naughty girl? Could you please check your grammar first?

Hey! You look like a sexy, cool girl. We can have some fun online 😉
Like you want naked photos of me? LOL Don’t I have anything better to do?

 

and to end my short list of not so appealing messages, please never write her an essay like this! Who is gonna read through that pile of words if not just cause I’m retyping it for this post?

Hi Dear xoxo Pleasure to meet you, How are you? 😉 I pray your in the very best of health!!! I’m 25 & born/bred from England UK. I couldn’t help but notice how attractive you are. You have this artistic look, I guess you’re an articulate woman. I can’t stop looking at your pictures, your making me blush. I admire the way you dress, you seem to have good fashion sense, who taught you how to dress so well? Are you an interior designer? You make my whole room look beautiful. You have a graceful & gracious smile, looking at your smile enables me to smile too. You smile would light up the night sky. You look petite & a have good figure, I guess you must go gym to look as good as you do. Your skin looks elegant & smooth, are you using a magic cream? To make you skin look exquisite. You seem exotic, adventurous, tropical ans pristine. I would love to take a walk with you on a beach & read a book we both love under the bright yellow sun. I see the ocean when I look into your eyes. If you spat in the ocean, the whole ocean would become sweat. If you touched my heart it would skip a beat. I would love this opportunity to get to know about your extraordinary life & to be friends, would be highly appreciated.

Thanks Dear xoxo 🙂

I rated you 5 **** Stars

What is wrong with this message? EVERY DAMN THING! It’s too damn long and like seriously, if you spat into the ocean, it’ll become sweet? Oh God, what is wrong with him?

BePolite

Instead, try being polite;

Hi – I’m only in KL for a few weeks, but do you fancy meeting up and going for a drink?

Hello! Straight out I’ll say I’m here for work for just 2 days 1 night, living in Singapore for now, can only use this app with wifi and thus often go silent, and I think you’re hella cute. How’s your day this far?

Hi Tessa! How are you? Hope the weekend is going well..

Why Cheaters Cheat?

Some years back I wouldn’t even have lifted a brow if I found out that a guy who was trying to get in my pants had a girlfriend.

Today, I find myself all crazy, going, “I cannot believe it! He has a girlfriend!! OMG I feel sick in the stomach!

I sat Jenna down, whined about how I found out that Sean (Read about Sean HERE) used to sleep with a mutual friend of Phil and I, and has a girlfriend back in Germany. Then I proceeded to go on and on about how I stalked Lance’s instagram and found out he too has a girlfriend.

Lance is a young, gorgeous, successful club owner whom I met some weeks back. He would text me week after week, subtly flirting and outright asked for a threesome when drunk one night! No, I have not slept with him (yet) as much as I want to.

Jenna listened patiently with no expression whatsoever. When I finally finished, she asked, “So what’s the problem exactly?”

Cheating

OK, so clearly my brains has gotten a little wuzzy from being single.

It seems I cannot begin to understand why these hot, successful men who were like Gods in the sack would want to commit to a relationship when they are clearly F-ing every other women off the street?

Why don’t they just stay single and F around guilt-free?

Then I thought harder.

I once did it too and for me, there are several reasons why I cheated on all my boyfriends.

 

Snake and Forbidden Fruit

The Forbidden Fruit Syndrome
That feeling when you’d go all, “I really shouldn’t be doing this. But.. it feels so good! OMG This is so wrong, but it feel so right!“.

Somehow, I think this is one of the biggest reason why people cheat, or at least me. The adrenaline. The guilt. The passion.

 

 

images

Because I can
You know your other half trusts you a 101% and you take it for granted. Either its because he/she lives in another country/town, is constantly travelling on a business trips or that you only see one another at specific times.

You know you would never get caught.

 

10301436_276026845911281_739892829082720820_n

 

I want them all
Lust. His gorgeous eyes, luscious lips.. Oh you just know you want a taste of it. And and.. getting pounded by that hot piece of meat? You know your juices are flowing just thinking of it.

Would you really say no? What if it was a once in a lifetime experience?

 

feminism-bored-girl

Boredom
More often than not, after being in a relationship for a long enough time, things become routine and the sparks that once flamed everything that held the relationship together dies down.

Need I say more? We seek that fiery passion elsewhere cause back home, it only exist within our memories.

 

 

No Strings Attached

Its a guaranteed no strings attached relationship
You could have a full blown fling, a fake relationship and yet you know that at the end of the day, nothing would blossom from it.

Why? Because you already have someone to go home to and nobody wants a real relationship with a known cheater!

 

 

Someone to go home to
After all the fun and behaving single when you’re clearly not, at the end of the day.. or week.. or month, there’s still that special someone whom you know will always be there for you through your ups and downs. That someone who you know you can count on for some TLC because we all know damn well that these asswipes we’re F-ing behind our significant other’s back would never give a flying F about you.

 

And to end the list, the reason for cheating from the men’s point of view;

Let’s say I love chocolate cake and I always have a piece at home. But every now and then, I’d go to the mall, look around and perhaps see a tiramisu. If it isn’t too much hassle, I wouldn’t mind having a piece of that. But if I’ve gotta wait too long or pay too much for the tiramisu, I might as well have that piece of cheese cake that’s going half price. At the end of the day, I still love chocolate cakes. – Reasoned by Kyle (my bestie’s fiance)

 

VERDICT: Being promiscuous in a relationship is bad, but it is a whole different level of fun! Not something I’d encourage though. Cheating is like Pringles; Once you pop, you can’t stop!