This is a story of how I ventured online in my search for a hottie.. and got my heart broken in the process.
A month after I turned single 6 months back, I texted Chad to see if he was up for a beer. It was 11pm and I was bored. He replied saying he was busy, perhaps I should put up a profile on OKCupid and browse through the unlimited supply of hot men who might be able to keep me entertained for the time being.
I happily signed up, glad that in a way I had something to do. I spent 80% of the time setting up my profile and poking around at the questionnaire section before I recalled that my purpose on the site was to browse for eye candies and not to promote myself. You see, at that point of time, online dating did not make sense to me one bit. Why do I need to set up a profile to meet men when I could easily meet them in bars and/or clubs?
Anyways, the messages poured in and I got bored within a week. Eventually I cleared the long essay I had in the About Me to ‘This is temporary insanity‘.
One night as I was browsing through profiles with no intentions on messaging or replying anyone, I came across Hugo’s profile. I paused for a moment…
Should I message him? He’s hot, but not the kinda hot I usually lust for. He had the physique of the above photo, though I’ve no idea about the package.
Read, re-read.. Based in Singapore. Ahhh F it! What’s the point?
Height: 6″. Bald. Buffed
First impression: Bad boy
Age: 4 years older
The next morning, I received a message from Hugo. After a few witty replies we started chatting over Whatsapp and I was hooked.
We’d be on Whatsapp for 2-3 hours every other day. He’d text briefly after work at about 7pm and when he got home I’d be glued to my phone. Over the weekend we’d be chatting throughout the day.
Conversations were never dull . We talked about everything; our daily lives, awesome food, travels experiences, relationships and heartbreaks, wild parties, work stress, our pets, family and friends, college days. It was easy and open.
We ran to the mirror and snapped photos of ourselves to prove we were real with specific instructions like “take a mirror selfie with your dog next to you and your tongue sticking out” and “take a selfie with an expression like this emoticon!“.
Occasionally he would be sending drunk texts at 3am and I did the same.
We flirted with some mild dirty talks.
We exchanged specific voice clips – “Hey say this out loud ‘Good night Tessa! Sweet dreams! *Mwaaaahhhhhh*” or “How do you say ‘cheese’ with your tongue out?”.
I dreaded going out as it meant less time spent chatting with him. At times, I’d literally be laughing out loud at the things he says.
I felt like I knew him even though I have never met him – I imagined how I would ‘get lost’ in his huge bed as he described. Walking and playing fetch with his dog on the beach. Teaching me to swim. Cuddling. I painted a perfect image of him.
He made plans to come to KL twice. The first time did not go through as he had just returned from a vacation and was tired. I was disappointed.
Then I begin to question myself; So what if he came? And when he returns to Singapore? If everything went well, can I handle a LDR? Even if I was willing, it was not doable. I have work on weekends, while he was off during the weekends. These questions didn’t stop me from chatting with him. Each time I receive a message from him, I’d light up with a smile.
Me: Do you think we’d ever meet?
Him: I think so.
Me: But I’d freak out! I’ve never met anyone from a dating site.
Him: It’ll probably be the same as meeting someone after exchanging numbers in the bar while drunk.
Me: OK then. We’ll meet at a bar and you can pretend to pick me up like a total stranger!
After 2 whole months of chatting, he finally bought the tickets to KL for the following week with a screenshot of the confirmation email as proof. I went from feeling shocked to ecstatic to calling Jenna, screaming into the phone, “HUGO IS COMINGGGG!!!“, in the middle of a workday.
But that’s when things went downhill. He wasn’t feeling well so we didn’t chat as much that week. The following week, he decided not to come cause he was sick.
.. then he stopped texting.
2 WEEKS LATER
I texted him telling how intrigued I am that he bought a ticket to KL and went silent right after. He explained that while he was sick he considered why he was visiting. He wanted to meet me.. But..
In his exact words, “I’m not into mindless sex, so if I came, I would have wanted more. But I don’t want more with someone who lives in another country so there is no point in starting something for the weekend.”.
Ouch! It felt like I got stabbed in the heart.
I teared up. Tears literally rolled down my cheeks. Over a guy I have never met.
I was so emotionally open to him. Telling him bits and pieces of my life that only my boyfriends and really close friends knew.
Although I didn’t expect anything to bloom as much as I hoped for it, I certainly did not expect nothing to happen at all. I was all prepped up for a heart break after the all weekend date but he didn’t even show up.
How could it be that I’m surrounded by hot men all over KL but I’m obsessed with one who is in Singapore and does not want to pursue a possible relationship with me.
It felt like I got dumped. I did. It was a definite bruise to the ego. So much time wasted texting, laughing, being so happy.. it felt so real.
I was willing to have my heart broken by him. Just not like this. I’ve done all kinds of stupid. But I’ve definitely stooped to a whole new level of stupidity with this one.
I’ve been in search for a Hugo substitute ever since. No one else came close.
Perhaps I was playing make believe, wanting to believe he’s all I imagined him to be, the perfect romantic gentleman, THE ONE who would truly blow my mind emotionally and physically. Maybe the conversations weren’t even all as interesting as I imagined it to be. Maybe it was all that interesting because I wanted to keep him interested so I could not only sext him, but to eventually have sex with him.
What if I actually met him and died of boredom during our dinner date? Or lose all interest after a shag.. or five. I cannot possibly get bored of those fabulous washboard abs that fast, or could I? Or maybe he’s lousy in bed; 3 lousy minutes of boom boom and that’s it.. THE HORROR!
Then I imagined what it would be like to finally meet him.
In a club, dancing, drinking, having fun when Hugo walks up to me and says, “Can I buy you a drink?“, just like how we have planned on us meeting the very first time; him picking me up at a bar. I turn to him, shock, out of words, taking in the gorgeous face. That magnificent big smile that would melt me to the ground. I regain my posture. “Sure, why not?“.
He explains that he moved to KL for work 6 months back but did not contact me as I’ve deleted him on Facebook. Then we dance. We drink. We laugh. We flirt. End of the night, we exchange numbers. As he corners me onto the bar and leans in close enough for a kiss, I smile. I gaze into those deep blue eyes, heart pounding.. should I, or should I not kiss him? “Good night Hugo, sweet dreams.”, I kiss him on the cheek. “Call me some time.“. and I walk away. Smiling.
The next day, my phone buzz.
Him: Hey you 🙂
Me: So we are doing this Whatsapp chatting again now?
Him: I guess. What are you doing this weekend? I want to take you out for dinner. Steak.
I light up. I smile satisfyingly.
So there. I’ve met him. In MY REALITY.
To be continued HERE.
VERDICT: Perhaps online dating is not for me. The higher the expectations, the higher the disappointment.