The Stingy Cunts

I did 2 ‘dates’ in a day! Woot woooot!! Are you proud of me?

If you did not read my last post, I’m on a 5 first date challenge because I’m outright terrified of dates. I hate the thought of sitting down with a guy and listening to him yak. I definitely do not enjoy telling my life stories to him either.

Read about my disastrous Date 1 of 5 HERE

 

DATE NO.1 aka THE MID DAY BOOTY CALL

Name: MACK
Origin: Tehran, Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 6″1. Toned
First impression: Beautiful!
Age: 1 or 2 years younger

Some weeks back I matched with Mack on Tinder. We chatted on and off for 2 weeks before I eventually bumped into him at the club.

Everybody who knew me knows that I only go to that one club every weekend and Mack knew too. He was out partying elsewhere but came over at around 3am and texted me. Being a little too exhausted from all the drama that was going on with Phil and his girlfriend, I ignored his messages.

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I was lazing at the lounge/bar outside the club, completely sober when I turned and our eyes locked as Mack walked past me! Oh man, he’s gorgeous! Well to be fair, he is a model after all.

Speaking of models, I’m totally hating myself for not replying this dude on Tinder. We matched, he said hi and I totally ignored him for 3 months only to realize he is totally drop dead gorgeous in photos other than the ones he put up on Tinder. If only I had checked out his Instagram earlier! (I did so cause he was a mutual friend with Mack)

Anyways, back to Mack. We hugged and chatted for a little before he decided to rejoin his friends. Right before he left, he tapped on his cheeks, motioning me for a kiss. I shook my head but he did it again. Ahh, what the heck!

When I returned to my table, my girlfriends gave me the wiggly brow, ‘who’s the new guy’ look. I tried to contain my laughter but I burst out laughing as I texted him to join me at the other side of the club.

I decided I wanted a sober first kiss.

I know that was a weird statement but you see, I counted the number of guys I made out with which totaled up to about 45 (not that many.. but it isn’t a small number either) and the last I had a sober first kiss was 8 years back!

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So anyways, our hands intertwined as we entered the club and he grabbed on to me as we danced. 10 minutes flew by and I decided I should get back to Phil and his girlfriend who were arguing at the bar outside (they were my ride home and Phil told me to make it quick).

We kissed right after I screamed into his ears that I have got to get moving before a war starts outside though truthfully, I just very much wanted my bed. But yay! One off the checklist; A sober first kiss!

Mack tried to booty call me the day after but unfortunately it was the time of the month (again) and Mr Hot & Sexy Model would just have to wait a week.

 

YESTERDAY

I didn’t have much work to do. By 3pm, appointments were done and I was too lazy to continue working. I texted Mack;

Me: Hey baby what are you up to?
Him: I just got home. Doing some work. Wassup?
Me: Want me to come accompany you?

.. and with that, I drove a whole freaking 30 minutes to his place. “This F better be worth the distance!” played like a broken record in my head the entire journey.

I have not had anything to fill my growling stomach all day and we ordered me some pasta as soon as I arrived.

The doorbell rang, the delivery guy passed him the food and he just looked at me blankly as I ran to him with 20 bucks.

Excuse me, you’re already getting a free F delivered to your door. Can’t you at least have the courtesy of paying MYR14 for my food? Every body can afford MYR14!

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After my stomach was happy, we cuddled on the bed over an episode of Game of Thrones.

Of course we had sex but I’d rate it.. 4/10?

Mack is large and all but is it me or is it that Persian men do not bother with foreplay at all? He is the third one by now and it seems to be common with them. If he had bothered to fool around for a bit, I’m sure it would not have hurt as much!

We actually F-ed twice before I decided it’s time to make a move. I was bored. I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say. I did not want to fall asleep. I definitely did not want to stay after sex for any more sex.

Mack is gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. I’d rate his ass 15/10! Like really, he has gotta have the roundest, firmest ass I have ever seen on a guy.

But fact that he lives like 40 minutes from home, the lack of foreplay and that he could not even be bothered to pay for lunch was quite a major turn off. Oh and the lack of biceps too!

OK fine, I lied. A booty call isn’t a date!

 

 

DATE NO.2 aka TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM!

Name: ELI
Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Malay
Height: 6″. Skinny with a huge belly
First impression: Rich dude
Age: 3 years older

Eli is one of the guys we party with. One of the VIPs in the club who orders bottles after bottles of whiskey for as long as there are still people at his table.

Not that I’m judging, but I always have the opinion that people like them have no friends. They spend week after week at clubs paying for every body’s drinks so long as they have company.

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But free drinks? What is there to complain?

Even if there were 10 other gorgeous girls at the table, Eli would always try to get my attention. Most times I’d avoid him but the guys are always going, “take one for the team!”.

In other words, just lead him on.

Eli had asked me out for dinner for weeks now and finally, he told me;

Him: You know I’m going to see you again right?
Me: Yeah of course!
Him: Not in a club. I want to take you out for dinner.
Me: Why?
Him: Just to hang out..
Me: Hang out? Oohhh there’s this awesome pizza place.. Let’s all go together! *signalling Phil and his girlfriend to join the conversation*

Then I begged them to come with me.

Like really, I have nothing in common with Eli. I definitely am no where near physically attracted to him. How could I survive yet another date? Take one for the team, remember? What if I pissed him off too?

 

YESTERDAY

We headed to that awesome pizza place and like every fast food outlet, you will need to order at the counter and pay before you get your food.

To summarize the evening; Phil and Eli went to place our orders. Eli was looking grumpy while we waited for our food. Food came, we stuffed our faces and Eli became chatty again. All he talked of was himself and truth be told, if Phil and girlfie wasn’t there, I’d probably have pissed him off too!

I really do hate show offs. So what if you are a VIP in every other club and spend like a millionaire wannabe? Do you really need to announce that to the world?

During part of the conversation when we spoke of the club that Lance owned, Eli kept going, “I can afford it, but why should I bother? I don’t get VIP treatment there!“. Well darling, if I went to that club I’d be VVIP cause the owner wants to get into my pants. But did I announce that to the table? Obviously not! *rolls eyes* (Read a little about Lance HERE)

pizzaslice

When Eli went to the washroom, Phil told us that Eli only paid MYR20 off the total bill and Phil paid the rest. What guy asks you out to dinner but does not at least pay that 15 lousy bucks for your pizza? Again, it’s not that I cannot afford the MYR15, but it is common courtesy! Well, at least in Malaysia.

Eli is definitely not getting a second date and definitely not gonna get into my pants (not like he ever had a chance). Perhaps Christy can take one for the team from now on.

And yeah, this too wasn’t exactly a date. A double date more like it but also yet another awkward failure!

UPDATE: Eli asked me out again. Why don’t they just get a hint?

 

VERDICT: I have no idea if I have developed a habit of pissing men off or if my tolerance has became so low that I nitpick at every little thing they do or say! All I know is I am terrified of the potential outcome of my 3 upcoming first dates.