The Stingy Cunts

I did 2 ‘dates’ in a day! Woot woooot!! Are you proud of me?

If you did not read my last post, I’m on a 5 first date challenge because I’m outright terrified of dates. I hate the thought of sitting down with a guy and listening to him yak. I definitely do not enjoy telling my life stories to him either.

Read about my disastrous Date 1 of 5 HERE

 

DATE NO.1 aka THE MID DAY BOOTY CALL

Name: MACK
Origin: Tehran, Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 6″1. Toned
First impression: Beautiful!
Age: 1 or 2 years younger

Some weeks back I matched with Mack on Tinder. We chatted on and off for 2 weeks before I eventually bumped into him at the club.

Everybody who knew me knows that I only go to that one club every weekend and Mack knew too. He was out partying elsewhere but came over at around 3am and texted me. Being a little too exhausted from all the drama that was going on with Phil and his girlfriend, I ignored his messages.

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I was lazing at the lounge/bar outside the club, completely sober when I turned and our eyes locked as Mack walked past me! Oh man, he’s gorgeous! Well to be fair, he is a model after all.

Speaking of models, I’m totally hating myself for not replying this dude on Tinder. We matched, he said hi and I totally ignored him for 3 months only to realize he is totally drop dead gorgeous in photos other than the ones he put up on Tinder. If only I had checked out his Instagram earlier! (I did so cause he was a mutual friend with Mack)

Anyways, back to Mack. We hugged and chatted for a little before he decided to rejoin his friends. Right before he left, he tapped on his cheeks, motioning me for a kiss. I shook my head but he did it again. Ahh, what the heck!

When I returned to my table, my girlfriends gave me the wiggly brow, ‘who’s the new guy’ look. I tried to contain my laughter but I burst out laughing as I texted him to join me at the other side of the club.

I decided I wanted a sober first kiss.

I know that was a weird statement but you see, I counted the number of guys I made out with which totaled up to about 45 (not that many.. but it isn’t a small number either) and the last I had a sober first kiss was 8 years back!

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So anyways, our hands intertwined as we entered the club and he grabbed on to me as we danced. 10 minutes flew by and I decided I should get back to Phil and his girlfriend who were arguing at the bar outside (they were my ride home and Phil told me to make it quick).

We kissed right after I screamed into his ears that I have got to get moving before a war starts outside though truthfully, I just very much wanted my bed. But yay! One off the checklist; A sober first kiss!

Mack tried to booty call me the day after but unfortunately it was the time of the month (again) and Mr Hot & Sexy Model would just have to wait a week.

 

YESTERDAY

I didn’t have much work to do. By 3pm, appointments were done and I was too lazy to continue working. I texted Mack;

Me: Hey baby what are you up to?
Him: I just got home. Doing some work. Wassup?
Me: Want me to come accompany you?

.. and with that, I drove a whole freaking 30 minutes to his place. “This F better be worth the distance!” played like a broken record in my head the entire journey.

I have not had anything to fill my growling stomach all day and we ordered me some pasta as soon as I arrived.

The doorbell rang, the delivery guy passed him the food and he just looked at me blankly as I ran to him with 20 bucks.

Excuse me, you’re already getting a free F delivered to your door. Can’t you at least have the courtesy of paying MYR14 for my food? Every body can afford MYR14!

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After my stomach was happy, we cuddled on the bed over an episode of Game of Thrones.

Of course we had sex but I’d rate it.. 4/10?

Mack is large and all but is it me or is it that Persian men do not bother with foreplay at all? He is the third one by now and it seems to be common with them. If he had bothered to fool around for a bit, I’m sure it would not have hurt as much!

We actually F-ed twice before I decided it’s time to make a move. I was bored. I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say. I did not want to fall asleep. I definitely did not want to stay after sex for any more sex.

Mack is gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. I’d rate his ass 15/10! Like really, he has gotta have the roundest, firmest ass I have ever seen on a guy.

But fact that he lives like 40 minutes from home, the lack of foreplay and that he could not even be bothered to pay for lunch was quite a major turn off. Oh and the lack of biceps too!

OK fine, I lied. A booty call isn’t a date!

 

 

DATE NO.2 aka TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM!

Name: ELI
Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Malay
Height: 6″. Skinny with a huge belly
First impression: Rich dude
Age: 3 years older

Eli is one of the guys we party with. One of the VIPs in the club who orders bottles after bottles of whiskey for as long as there are still people at his table.

Not that I’m judging, but I always have the opinion that people like them have no friends. They spend week after week at clubs paying for every body’s drinks so long as they have company.

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But free drinks? What is there to complain?

Even if there were 10 other gorgeous girls at the table, Eli would always try to get my attention. Most times I’d avoid him but the guys are always going, “take one for the team!”.

In other words, just lead him on.

Eli had asked me out for dinner for weeks now and finally, he told me;

Him: You know I’m going to see you again right?
Me: Yeah of course!
Him: Not in a club. I want to take you out for dinner.
Me: Why?
Him: Just to hang out..
Me: Hang out? Oohhh there’s this awesome pizza place.. Let’s all go together! *signalling Phil and his girlfriend to join the conversation*

Then I begged them to come with me.

Like really, I have nothing in common with Eli. I definitely am no where near physically attracted to him. How could I survive yet another date? Take one for the team, remember? What if I pissed him off too?

 

YESTERDAY

We headed to that awesome pizza place and like every fast food outlet, you will need to order at the counter and pay before you get your food.

To summarize the evening; Phil and Eli went to place our orders. Eli was looking grumpy while we waited for our food. Food came, we stuffed our faces and Eli became chatty again. All he talked of was himself and truth be told, if Phil and girlfie wasn’t there, I’d probably have pissed him off too!

I really do hate show offs. So what if you are a VIP in every other club and spend like a millionaire wannabe? Do you really need to announce that to the world?

During part of the conversation when we spoke of the club that Lance owned, Eli kept going, “I can afford it, but why should I bother? I don’t get VIP treatment there!“. Well darling, if I went to that club I’d be VVIP cause the owner wants to get into my pants. But did I announce that to the table? Obviously not! *rolls eyes* (Read a little about Lance HERE)

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When Eli went to the washroom, Phil told us that Eli only paid MYR20 off the total bill and Phil paid the rest. What guy asks you out to dinner but does not at least pay that 15 lousy bucks for your pizza? Again, it’s not that I cannot afford the MYR15, but it is common courtesy! Well, at least in Malaysia.

Eli is definitely not getting a second date and definitely not gonna get into my pants (not like he ever had a chance). Perhaps Christy can take one for the team from now on.

And yeah, this too wasn’t exactly a date. A double date more like it but also yet another awkward failure!

UPDATE: Eli asked me out again. Why don’t they just get a hint?

 

VERDICT: I have no idea if I have developed a habit of pissing men off or if my tolerance has became so low that I nitpick at every little thing they do or say! All I know is I am terrified of the potential outcome of my 3 upcoming first dates.

My first big-O

I lost my virginity a week before I turned 15, but it wasn’t until I was 20 when I experienced my first orgasm.

During my college years, I worked part time as a freelance promoter doing various jobs at various locations.

One faithful day, I accepted a job and was stationed at a well known gym distributing samples. While I stood around, he cruised by, making playful remarks at my samples and flirted with me.

Name: SID
Origin: KL, Malaysia
Ethnicity: Malay
Height: 5″9. Buffed
First impression: Oh-Em-Gee! He is SO HUGE!
Age: 5 years older

I have no other words for Sid other than HUGE. He was a personal trainer. He was also cute, flirty, playful and flamboyant. Think Johnny Bravo!

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You can’t blame me. My dad was a huge fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger and I grew up watching all movies starring Arnold. I even had a poster of him on my wall even before I entered high school. It is in me, I love buffed men.

*You can now imagine sparkles in my eyes when I saw him*

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But I didn’t get to see him anymore that day. It was another week till I was due to be there again for 1 last day.

 

A WEEK LATER

The day finally came! All day I was looking out for him. I was dying to see him again. Hours passed but he was no where to be seen. I started panicking that I might never see him again.

Sid finally appeared later in the evening. I spotted him training upstairs and I rushed up to the washroom, making quite a scene. No one really runs around in there, everyone else were quietly working out. He spotted me immediately and started making small talks.

“I thought you were only coming back in another 2 days!”

Oh he remembers? Was he looking forward to see me too?

When he was done with training, he came around to my booth asking questions about my products and looking for reasons to continue talking to me. Some hours passed before I managed to gather the courage to get him to join me for a smoke outside. Dang, I didn’t even know if he did!

We headed out and up to a secluded corner.

Me: Where is this place?
Him: This is our place

I melted.

My mind was racing; He seemed interested in me.. Does he have a girlfriend? Do I really care? I have a boyfriend.. Would he care?

I have a boyfriend?

I was still dating Leo. As much as I hated his guts, I was somehow stuck in the 4 year relationship that took place in hell. Leo was possessive, jealous, demanding, sensitive and everything you do not want in a boyfriend. The relationship sucked the life out of me. He did not allow me to go out with my friends or talk to guys. He even hated that I was freelancing! You’d be able to read a little more about him HERE.

Back in the gym, Sid passed me his name card, took my number and was out of sight for most of the night. At times I’d catch him checking me out from afar while training his clients or talking to his colleagues.

The next day, I messaged him.

Hey big guy, you want that photo I took of you?

We were texting ever since. Over the weeks, I found excuses to go to the mall where the gym was located with Leia (Girlfriend of Leo’s buddy) a couple of times just to briefly meet him for coffee. As much as Leo wasn’t happy about it, I went on anyway.

One day, Sid invited me out for coffee when his appointment got cancelled. Leo was out with his friends and I agreed immediately. It had been years since I was out alone with a male companion and it was so refreshing. We talked for hours about anything and everything. I found out he has a girlfriend of 4 years and was bored of the relationship. Oh. That sounds alot like me!

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When I got home, Leo had returned and we began arguing. I told him I’ve had enough, that even my dad did not control me the way he did and that I needed a break. After many hours of screaming and shouting, I demanded that he left me alone for a week.

The next 2 nights I was floating on cloud nine. Sid and I spent a total of 7 hours chatting over dinner and drinks on the first night.. and on the second night I ended up at his place after dinner with the lame excuse of, “Let’s have Vodka!

At his place, while watching a DVD, we started getting closer and eventually I was lying on his lap. When he movie ended, he covered my eyes with his hand and kissed me. We made out for a bit before he lifted me up and carried me into his room just the way couples in romantic movies do.

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I felt a little conscious as he was undressing me but I thought to myself, “Please do not F this up and make a fool outta yourself! You finally nabbed a big buffed dude!

.. and when Sid finally undressed, I swear if I was a comic character, my eyes would have popped outta my skull! His body was gorgeous and I was squirming in ecstasy. He was extremely well endowed too! It was almost impossible to enter and it hurts big time. It felt as if he was taking my virginity! He had to stop mid way for he was scared I was gonna break or something.

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2 nights later, I was at his place again. We had even hotter steamier sex! I was much more adjusted to his size and I felt orgasm for the very first time. And the second.. and the third. He was always eager to please.. and I gladly allowed him to.

My 1 week break from Leo was coming to an end. We spent our last night together feeling sad about it.

Him: I might not only like you. I think I’m starting to fall in love with you.
Me: I feel the same even though I know you’re lying.
Him: I am not. But you have him and I have her.

Days passed, and though I got back with Leo, I felt even more suffocated. I kept sneaking off to meet Sid.

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We were very experimental in bed. We had hot sweaty candlelit sex. He demanded to know before I came and instead of screaming, “I’m cumminggggg“, like they do in porn flicks, I had to say, “I love you baby!!”. That was a sentence I repeatedly screamed many, many times throughout the nights. He was a sex God!

About a week later, I broke it off with Leo. He cried and begged to no avail. I refused to be sucked into that hell hole once again and miss out on yet another potential relationship like I did with Isaac (Read about Isaac HERE).

Newly and happily single, though not so available, I landed another job at the gym. The entire week, I would follow him back after work and be back at work each day with an ache on different parts of my body from having too much sex. I had my toothbrush, towel, clothes packed in his place. I was a very happy girl. Very much sexually satisfied too!

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But the happiness and walking on cloud nine eventually came to an end. He started disappearing on weekends. His phone would be turned off from time to time for hours.

So who’s the girl?

Remember he told me about a girlfriend of 4 years? Let’s name her Elyza for easy reference. Apparently he hardly meets his her and when he does, it was only over the weekends which explains the disappearance. He told me he wanted to break up but her dad was in the hospital and he didn’t want to put her through anymore pain.

I found photos of another woman in his apartment. He told me it was his long term fling whom is married, though they do meet occasionally. Let’s call her Dana.

Bare with me, the story is gonna getting more interesting!

After much arguing and crying, I quietly packed my stuff one morning and was ready to say goodbye to all the fantastic orgasms.

I avoided his calls and messages but caved in one morning and answered. Sid was crying over the phone. He convinced me to meet him that night for some closure.

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When we met, we spoke in the car of how I felt like a doormat whenever I couldn’t reach him and that I did not want to further ruin his relationship. He cried like a baby. I was in disbelief watching such a big man burst into tears. “Stay with me tonight. Just one last night“, he told me.

Obviously I gave in. I ended up at his place and did not leave for the next 2 days.

Over the weeks, Sid met my friends, my family. We went for a romantic weekend getaway at a nearby beach resort. It was like a dream come true. It felt perfect, other than the times when I was in so much tears. I don’t even want to start describing the amount of sadness and pain I went through when he did his disappearing acts. He should have been a magician.

One night, he called, “Dana. She’s at my place. She found photos of you and your stuff and has gone mad! She refuse to leave. I don’t know what is wrong with her”.

OK, that’s weird. I thought the problem was with the girlfriend and Dana was non existent? Why is she suddenly in the picture? Why would a fling go berserk?

So now if he wanted to meet me, he’d have to sneak out to my place instead. We still met up with me believing that he was gonna rid of Dana and break up with Elyza. The sex was still amazing and he made an effort to meet me when ever he could.

Then he was gone. For an entire week I couldn’t reach him. His phone was turned off and I couldn’t get hold of him even when I called the gym.

When he finally called me back, he was so cold to me I couldn’t even recognize his voice.

Him: We can’t be together.
Me: I know. That’s pretty crystal. But why?
Him: Dana is pregnant.
Me: Uh huh..
Him: With my child. We had planned it. She wasn’t around the whole of last month because she was finalizing her divorce.
Me: *shocked* How long has she been pregnant?
Him: 5 months.
Me: WHAAAAAA??? and what about Elyza?
Him: I’m breaking up with her.

HOLY F-ING SHIET!! I didn’t know what to believe. Till today, I still don’t understand what happened there. Did Elyza really exist? If there was no Elyza, why didn’t he just cut her out of his stories? Was Dana really just a fling? Was he.. MARRIED?? I couldn’t make sense out of anything he told me. The questions continuously repeated in my head like a broken record.

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I was broken. For a full year, I’d drown my sorrows with alcohol. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I talked about him all the time. I tried calling but he disconnected his number. I watched the video I made of us with photos taken during our getaway over and over till I became numb. The song ‘Belaian Jiwa’, which was attached to the video still makes me sick today. Pity, I used to love that song. Every time I hear Casablanca or Hello by Lionel Richie, I’d think of Sid; his 2 favourite songs.

I eventually got over Sid after more than a year. A guy who was pursuing me snapped me back to reality.

Guy: How long were you with this guy?
Me: Only 2 months plus.
Guy: You don’t even know him. How could you love him?

Fair enough. I moved on.

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But Sid broke my heart in a million ways. He showed me how cruel the world could be. I was young and naive. I clearly remember the look of horror on his face when I told him, “You’re the third guy I ever had sex with“. I guess he wanted a F-Buddy but got emotionally attached somewhere along the way.

It’s almost like I was a little girl baptized into a whole new world of infidelity and walked out as a woman with a F-ed up mindset. Least he introduced me into the wonderful world of orgasms!

I just stalked Sid’s Facebook in order to give an update on him in present day. He is married to Dana.. and with 2 kids! No longer buffed, but skinny with loooong hair. F-ing EWWW! I wouldn’t do him now even if he supplied me with 10 orgasms per minute!

No, I don’t have him on my Facebook. He just didn’t set it to private. I wouldn’t want to be friends with him and if I ever saw him on the streets, I’d kick him in the balls so hard that he would no longer be interested in giving another young girl amazing orgasms that would F-up their logical thinking.

VERDICT: I avoided Malay men like plague ever since.

A Decade

An almost-relationship that dragged on for a full 10 years. Brace yourself for an extremely long post, it’ll be worth it.

Name: ISAAC
Origin: KL, Malaysia
Ethnicity: Malay-Chinese
Height: 5″10
First impression: The popular kid, the player
Age: 1 year older

When it came to Isaac, the song “Lips of an angel” comes to mind.

I was 18 when we met in college. We were classmates. Coincidentally, we were neighbors too!

We got along instantly. Well, Isaac gets along with everyone with a snap of a finger. He was charming, charismatic and everybody seemed to love him. I definitely did.

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We hung out at the apartment’s pool the night we met and within a week, I started sneaking off to the poolside every night. He would sing my favourite songs, kept me entertained with his endless stories and jokes, stared at the stars or just simply sat in silence enjoying each others company. He called me Goddess Tess. I felt like together, we could take on the world.

There was a strong emotional connection and we both felt it.

Waitttt.. why was I sneaking around?

At that point I was in a 1.5 years relationship with Leo. You won’t find a post dedicated to him anywhere on this site. I’ve nothing to say about the relationship other than the fact that we argued and screamed at each other almost daily. Leo was possessive, manipulative, jealous, controlling, sensitive and demanding. For the love of my life, I still don’t know why I was in that dysfunctional relationship for such an extremely long time.

As time went by, I introduced Isaac to my friends. First Jenna, who at times snuck up on us at the pool when I didn’t answer my phone. Then Sherry, my other best friend who would have every boy she meets drool at her feet.

I attempted to end it with Leo but he cried like a baby and literally begged on his knees for me to stay. For real, I am not being dramatic. It seemed that through all the arguments, the guy really loved me and I did not have the heart to say no or give that up for a guy I’ve only just met a couple of months.

Sherry knew about my crush on Isaac. But she immediately developed one for him too! Knowing I would never leave Leo, she gave me the ultimatum;

Her: Are you gonna leave Leo for Isaac?
Me: No
Her: Then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I went for it, right?
Me: …. Sure..

It wasn’t even up for negotiation. Sherry was marking her property and telling me to back off indirectly. If I really were to break up and go for Isaac, I would have sparked WWIII.

Sherry knew she would never be alone with Isaac for he always wanted me there. The only time I’d never agree to was in the AMs. They started going for breakfast every morning at 6am. Things a girl would do to get a guy. *rolls eyes*

They got closer as days went by. I gave them my blessings and kept my distance. But Sherry wanted to watch me suffer.

Instead of hanging out with Isaac after classes, I ran off with other classmates in an attempt to avoid them. But they always managed to find out where I was. She would be all over him and she made sure I watched.

I was devastated.

Not only because I could not be with a guy I really wanted but because my best friend was torturing and enjoying my agony. How could she do this to me? Why was she doing this to me?

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Jenna was concerned. One night, she came over with a bottle of Vodka. I drank myself silly and started sobbing uncontrollably at the corner of my room. Jenna could only watch me in silence. She had no words of wisdom that would not harm my friendship with Sherry. I could bet every penny I have that if it was any other girl, we would have been plotting ways to win him back instead!

6 month later, they broke up. Sherry called me, all pissy, going, “He told me – I only got together with you because Tess won’t leave her boyfriend“. Owh. I won afterall ey?

They obviously ceased all communication and as her best friend, I did the same.

Fast forward, Leo and I dated for a total of 4.5 lousy years before we broke up while Sherry and I slowly but surely drifted apart and eventually had a fall out a couple of years after.

 

4 YEARS LATER

I was out partying with Brett, a close friend of ours.

“Isaac is here. You wanna go say hi?”

I was highly intoxicated and stumbled over. Isaac was leaned on a pole puffing on a cigarette.

Me: Heyyyy.. You got fatter!
Isaac: Thank you! .. and you got hotter!

We laughed and exchanged random drunken small talks. I went back to my table where Chad was seated. Chad was in the midst of pursuing me and I was very much into him. He was different from other guys. Charming, responsible, relaxed. I really liked him.

After party, Isaac called. “Come down to the pool”.

We hung out as if it was only yesterday when I last saw him. It felt so comfortable. I did not have to make an impression. He knew me all too well. But he had a girlfriend, and I started dating Chad soon after.

Still, we were hanging out and partying 5 times a week. Each time, he made sure I was well intoxicated and I’d pour my problems to him while he reassured me that everything’s gonna be fine, I am after all Goddess Tess!

Within a month or 2, he was single again.

One drunken night out with Brett, I was completely knocked out. Brett called Isaac over to carry me up to my room as he had no idea where I lived.

When I jumped up an hour or 2 later, I ran to window puking my guts out. Apparently Brett had to pull over at least 5 times on the way home. Isaac was still in my room sitting next to my bed. He handed me some water and we talked while I sobered up.

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Isaac apologized for how he treated me 4 years back. We both teared.. and we kissed, with tears rolling down our cheeks. Our very first kiss.

It was an extremely emotional moment.

After Isaac left that night, things became awkward. Though we still hung out with the same group of friends, we didn’t talk. As much as I still had feelings for him, I was still too upset about what happened 4 years back. I could forgive but I could not forget.

Forget what happened. It doesn’t mean a thing. I am now with Chad“.

My birthday came around and as I got tipsy, Gina, our close friend pulled me away from the crowd for ‘a walk’. On the way back to the table, I saw Isaac standing by the wall.

Me: What are you doing here?
Him: Turn around *points at me to spin around and puts on a necklace*
Me: What’s this?
Him: Nothing. Go back to your table
Me: *Drunkenly stumbles back*

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Isaac had planned the moment with Gina.

I woke up to a necklace on my neck and it was gorgeous. White gold with a pendant and a tiny diamond. Wow!

I wasn’t sure if I was angry, guilty, upset or happy. But I knew I had to give it back.

The next few nights when he called, I was out drinking. I was annoyed by the calls. When I finally answered, he begged me to meet him at the pool. I had nothing to say to him and I really didn’t want to see him. After much convincing, I met him to get it over with.

Me: I can’t have this necklace. Please take it back. Why did you put it on me while I was drunk?
Him: Because if I gave it to you while you were sober you’d never take it.. and I’ll never get to see you wear it. And no, It’s your birthday present. Keep it. But please take care of it, it’ll be worth something and you can sell it when you are low on funds.
Me: *after much arguing about the necklace* Sigh OK. What do you want to talk to me about?
Him: Since you hate me so much, I will not bother you anymore.. And I won’t need this *hands me a tiny piece of paper*

It was little note I doodled on in class which I gave him 4 years ago. A picture of stars and clouds with the wordings ‘I’ll always be there for you‘. It looked brand new!

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I held back my tears, hid my sadness and went home.

 

5 YEARS LATER

Thoughout the years, we did not exactly keep in touch although we do see each other from time to time through mutual friends’ birthdays and such. And whenever we saw one another, we would keep each other updated on our lives.

At 28 while I was dating Luke (Read about Luke HERE), Isaac and I were in the same agency and had no choice but to see each other pretty frequently. We hung out occasionally and constantly annoyed each other about what happened through the years. How I refused to break up with Leo, which resulted in him hooking up with Sherry. Me choosing Chad over him.

Clearly, we still felt the same about one another but by then I was no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

He still cared. He was still there for me every time I needed help with work, including slotting in my appointments for me when I accidentally double booked myself or when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Every now and then, we’d argue about what happened to the point of giving each other the silent treatment.

.. and he hated how Luke mistreated me.

Him: I don’t understand. You chose that idiot Leo over me. Fine. Chad is a nice guy and you were happy, fine! But Luke is an asshole!
Me: I have a boyfriend! What do you want me to do?
Him: Break up with Luke. That’s a start. It’s been so long, you know I’m good for you. You know I’ll treat you right.
Me: You know I won’t do that. It’s been exactly 10 years now. Get over it! We’ve changed, I’ve changed! I’m no longer the happy little girl you once knew. You don’t even like me anymore, this is just an obsession!

I ignored him for weeks. But he was still there for me whenever I called. One night after a temporary break up with Luke, Isaac texted me and somehow we went through the same age old argument, which ended with me telling him, “I just argued with Luke, I don’t need to argue with you as well. If it makes you any happier, I’m single now“.

15 minutes later, he called, “Open your door. I come bearing gifts and a hug“. He was at my doorstep with a can of Milo and Coke, pretty much the only 2 drinks I ever order. We sat at the door talking for a bit before he left.

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Weeks to come, he took me out to a nice restaurant. He called it a date. Through the 10 years, we have never been on a date. All we did was hang out at the pool, at malls, fast food outlets, with friends, bars and parties. As much as I enjoyed his company as usual but I did not want to lead him on anymore.

A couple of weeks later, on the same night I broke up with Luke for good, Isaac and I were texting. I came to realization that I was treating him the exact way Luke was treating me and I didn’t want him to feel the way that I do.

There were many instances where I’ve pissed him off to the point where if it were any other men, they would probably have slapped me. But to rid of Isaac, I had to rise to a different level of a F-ed up bitch.

Me: Please stop being so nice to me. I’m not worth it.
Him: I like being nice to you. It makes me happy. It’s not for you, it’s for me.
Me: Just stop it. You and I will never be. Just as some girls only go for men with a thick wallet, I’m obsessed with men with huge biceps. Do you not think that if you went back to the shape you were when I first met you, I’d be all over you in an instant?
Him: I know you want me to hate you. But I just can’t. Many times I’ve tried to ignore you but I somehow can’t do it.
Me: Common, you don’t even like me anymore.
Him: Tess, I have loved you for a very long time. And you know it damn well.

We stopped all forms of communication since. Except for a couple of calls regarding work, our paths never crossed.

I am a horrible person and Isaac had treated me like a princess for a whole decade. He went out of his way to give me everything I wanted (non materialistic) within his means and I took every bit of him for granted. I couldn’t bare to hurt him anymore. So much has changed in the 10 years but the way he treats me remains exactly as we first met.

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I loved him dearly and I still do today. But I know he would be better off with a girl who would treat him right from the start and appreciates his fine qualities.

Selfishly, the last thing I need is to jump into a relationship with him and be disappointed. Least if I don’t find out for sure, there is still a glimpse of hope that there are still nice men out there.

Isaac is a true gentleman. He never once took advantage of drunk ol’ me , never attempted to get into my pants (and never did). With him, chivalry isn’t dead. He knew the right things to say at the right time. It was as if he could read my mind. He has seen me at my worst and accepted me for who I am. All my friends loves him, every single one of them. None of them could brain why I just wouldn’t give him a try.

How could they, even I don’t.

Luke once told me, “If you hate it that I’m such an asshole, you really should consider dating Isaac. He would walk through a brick wall for you“. I know he would, I just don’t want him to.

NOTE: This might seem like an extremely long post but if I included every single memorable moment with Isaac, you’d be scrolling through this post infinitely. Oh and congratulations if you made it this far!

VERDICT: He was a hopeless romantic. The sweetest man I have ever met and I doubt anyone could ever replace him.. or even come close.