The Millionaire: Part II – The Affair

Two months back, I got a text from an unknown number.

Him: Are you still dealing with properties?
Me: Yes.
Him: How is the market?
Me: *ignores*
Him: Do you want to sell my property? It’s Hans by the way, in case you don’t have this number.
Me: I’ll let you know if I have clients.
Him: How have you been? It’s been awhile.
Me: Same old.



Him: Are you pissed off with me? Sorry if I’m being over sensitive.
Me: Definitely oversensitive. I’m busy.
Him: That’s cold. When will you not be busy. I’ll buy you dinner.
Me: Wait. Which Hans is this? Cause the other Hans probably wouldn’t whine that I’m cold.

So, it was HANS.

We chatted a couple of times over the past seven years after our scandalous relationship ended, but we never found the time or motivation to meet up.

Hans got married, is a dad of a four-year-old girl. His second daughter died of Edward’s syndrome after eleven months. He did booty call some years back when the wife was pregnant but I ignored him. I always had the policy that I would never touch a married man.

After some chatting, we planned to meet a few days later. I questioned if I should be meeting him. I enjoyed the chats a little too much and meeting a married man for a date was playing with fire.



Hans got fatter. He used to be skinny. His face had gotten rounder and he sported a belly. But he was still as F-ing charming and charismatic.

Him: Any boyfriend?
Me: No. I’ve been single for five years. It’s not that I haven’t had a guy for five years. But I haven’t had one for the past ten months. Not even a date!
Him: Wow, I guess I still have it. I’m the first to get you out on a date in ten months!
Me: Whaaaaa… this is not a date!!
Him: Then what is this?
Me: Well… umm… shit. Dammit! 

The date lasted a whole freaking four hours without alcohol. Catching up on lost time was easy and smooth. I guess when you’re attracted to a person’s personality, the attraction wouldn’t change even if the looks did. And it was apparent that the attraction was mutual.

Hans repeatedly said that wanted a girlfriend, that life has no excitement. It’s all about work.

We planned to meet a mutual friend for drinks that weekend as his wife was out of town.



Hans picked me up and we headed to the city to meet an old friend whom we both lost touch with. While I caught up with our friend, Hans chatted with the others whom he just met.

Every now and then Hans would join our conversations. He’d give me the eye. And the occasional lingering touch on the back and waist. I didn’t resist it. I couldn’t. And of course, a lot of flirting.

Me: You’d better drink more. You won’t be able to after Sunday.
Him: Of course I can. I will still see you.

When I started tearing up cause of because of my cat (who was thirteen and dying of a kidney failure), Hans hugged and kissed me on the cheeks. Our bodies were touching the entire time we were at the bar, with me seated on the stool and back facing him.

The cleaners were mopping the floor when we were leaving and Hans tried to hold my hands. I refused. He had me hold on to his arm. It was legit slippery.

In the elevator, Hans held me firmly by the waist and tried to kiss me. I put my hand on his lips and told him to behave himself. He shook his head and pulled me closer. I obviously caved.

We kissed. Wow. I felt that instant spark. My body came to life.

We headed to one of his properties. Made out, foreplay. Man, I truly wonder where this dude mastered his dominance. Hans wanted to F, but I refused to break my ten-month dry spell within five minutes so I dominated the speed. Every time he reached for the condom, I’d push him down and went downtown.

Me: I don’t want F you. Else I wouldn’t see your face for the next seven years.
Him: I’ll see you. I might even keep you till you find a permanent boyfriend.
Me: *laughs* that sounds like the rest of your life!

Eventually, Hans pinned me down. “Shut up bitch, I’m going to F you now!”

Hans broke multiple records;

  1. First F in ten months
  2. First Chinese dude in five years
  3. First dude I re-F-ed after many years
  4. First ever married man.

Him: I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. At least I can walk out with dignity.
Me: And I’m walking out with no dignity left. Okay bye. See you in seven years.
Him: F you. I’ll see you again.

He texted the day after but I was out.



My cat died. I was devastated. I needed any sort of distraction, even if it compromised my moral values.

Me: Surviving Monday?
Him: Tired. Jaw pain. Must be the kissing.
Me: What kissing? I don’t remember. Think I need reminding.
Him: Want me to refresh your memory? How about later this week.
Me: Want me to boost your ego a little?
Him: Giving me a boner now.
Me: When I get overly sad, I think of that night to distract myself n actually feel better. Except the distraction is a little bit… ahemtoodistracting.
Him: Driving with a boner is no fun.
Me: I’d fix that problem while you drive if I’m there.
Him: You know I can always swing by for a bit if you like.

We chatted for a bit before jumping into the backseat without turning on the engine. Made out. BJs. More BJs. Talks. I refused to let him finish.

Him: Don’t fall in love with me.
Me: I’ll fall in lust with you.
Him: Lust, sure. Don’t fall in love.
Me: If it’s that easy, I wouldn’t have been single for five years.
Him: You’re actually my first affair.
Me: What? No way! Not first cheat I’m sure?
Him: Not first cheat, but definitely first affair.

Maybe I’m sick in the head, but why is this all so exciting? With him, it feels so familiar, yet everything also felt brand new.

But it was also a constant battle in my head. I come from a broken family that got crushed when my mom openly had an affair. I had refused to get involved with married men all these while simply because I did not want their kids to go through what I did, nor did I want to partake in the destruction of a family.



The following week I was craving to see Hans again. I had to.

Me: So… We’ve got unfinished business. We need to arrange for an urgent meeting to close the deal.
Him: Looks like an urgent requirement. Think we need to make it a priority.
Me: Indeed. When is the soonest possible time to arrange for a meeting? There are some urgent matters that needs to be rectified.
Him: Can we do the next week?
Me: I have an additional proposal for the meeting.
Him: What do you have in mind?
Me: *sends photo of restrains*
Him: Wow. Damn. Proposal accepted!



We met up for dinner at a nearby bar.

I was frustrated that I had to go through the whole dating process. Hans must have noticed my annoyance when he proclaimed, “the thing with having an affair is, sometimes you need some sort of relationship too. Otherwise, it’s not so different from paying for sex”.

Hans got us a room. But right when we were about to get started, the wife started calling. Even after he set his phone on silent, it continued buzzing the entire time and we had to rush through sex.


Me: You haven’t storied on why the wife kept calling.
Him: She heard the dogs barking and thought I got home.
Me: You must have made her suspicious. I didn’t want text you if it wasn’t becaused of the property. Getting rushed through sex is not only a huge turn off but also super degrading.
Him: I know. Sorry. She’s not suspicious. I am sorry, I know it’s not nice. I feel bad and equally degrading too.
Me: What’s degrading on your end?
Him: I don’t like treating you like that.
Me: Well, I enjoy a good F. And you’re a pretty good F. But playing mistress isn’t quite my thing. I like my sex good and uninterrupted. Buzz me if you ever find yourself single again.
Him: Well, let’s be friends. Like we already are.
Me: Haven’t we always been friends?
Him: I’m going in for a meeting now. We’ll talk later. Sorry *kiss*
Me: Why does it feel like I just broke up with a boyfriend.
Him: Not yet. Talking to you got me a moment. “Moment”. Stiff. Naughty thoughts.
Me: What sort of naughty thoughts?

Him: My, my. All sorts.



I have got to admit I started to develop some feelings for Hans. Lust and excitement are feelings too. A very addictive one. Or perhaps it was because we never had a closure back then? Could it be that I was hooked on his charms?

Either way, I craved his touch. As F-ed up as the situation had gotten, it didn’t make a difference if I stole a dollar or a million from the bank. I’d still go to jail.

I am still going to hell.

I constantly needed his attention. But Hans wasn’t always available, unlike all my young, single F-Buds. I was spiraling out of control.

Afraid that Hans might not realize that I had changed my mind and still needed to F him, I sexted him.

*sends signature undie photo*
Me: Kinda… Thinking of you now…
Him: Damn. Just got out of a meeting.
Me: Was thinking of how you were fucking my face.
Him: Now I definitely can’t concentrate.
Me: And you grunting and telling me how much you enjoyed it. Gets me wet AF when you talk like that.
Him: Damn. I’m hard as F.

We scheduled for a F-Date the following week.



It was three days before my birthday. We called it my birthday F.

Hans booked us into a room at a four-star hotel and F-ed me to glory. He was way better than I remembered him to be back then. Hans drove me wild in every way he touched me. Well, I brought a vibrator for guaranteed satisfaction in case we had to rush through things again.

But that constant battle was still F-ing up my head on the daily. I hated everything I was doing. I knew it had to stop. I really wanted to be rid of Hans. I needed to get rid of him. I was racing downhill towards an inevitable heartbreak and I had to pull the brakes no matter what (or who) I did.

The only way to seize contact was to get bored. But that was time-consuming. I did not have that luxury. As promiscuous as I am, it was ridiculously morally uncharacteristic of me to be having an affair with a married man. My moral compass was spinning out of control.

I decided that I had to render his D useless.

A bigger, better D would put Hans out of business. A 6.5 incher can never compare to an 8 incher.

That week, I texted LEON who then proceeded to provide some of the most powerful O’s of all time – as described in THE CHEMISTRY EXPERIMENT.



Two days later, I was curious as to how I’d feel when I saw Hans again, I lured him over with some dirty texts. I had to know if it worked.

I melted at Hans’ touch. My head spun when our lips touched. I was intoxicated with lust.

But the F was… I felt nothing! YAY!! Mission accomplished! I needed to feel filled and I knew nothing could compare to an eight incher. I wasn’t surprised when I felt close to nothing when he penetrated.

I don’t know about Hans, but I for one sure am not excited to see him again any time soon.

Though I have never believed in marriages, I wasn’t one to ruin a happy family.

All these years, friends have been telling me to settle down. As much as I wouldn’t mind a boyfriend to ease the long, lonely nights (and the regular sex), I can’t imagine being permanently locked down.


VERDICT: I can’t deny that I have toyed with the idea of playing mistress but never acted on it. And now that I have, I’d go back to the hot, young, single boys at any given time.


The Blast From The Past


I was at my usual joint with my then boyfriend, CHAD.

NOTE: Chad used to be a geek who doesn’t party or hang out with my friends. That night was one of the exceptions.

We were at the table right next to the bar when I spotted GERALD. Gerald is one helluva hunk and a F-Boy with the nastiest reputation in the party scene.

Me: I don’t feel like drinking champagne. Can I trade it for your whiskey? It’s a good deal ya know.
Gerald: Yeah sure. Two champagnes for a whiskey. You know whiskey is way stronger..
Me: *roll eyes*

Right then, Gerald’s friend came up to me;

Dude: Can I offer you a drink?
Me: *looks at the drink, looks at him* Sureee!

This dude was gorgeous! Like a 101% my type!

I obviously accepted the drink without having to trade champagnes. We started talking. And dancing. Then grinding..

Gerald who was trying to get into my pants at that point of time started to get really annoyed. Butting into our conversations didn’t work and eventually, he walked right up to me..

Gerald: Your boyfriend over there is… *I honestly can’t remember/couldn’t hear what he said*
Dude: Whaaaatt?? You have a boyfriend? And your boyfriend is here?!
Me: Yes. He’s right there *points*
Dude: So what are you doing here with me?
Me: Uhh.. We were dancing. It’s not like we’re having sex *roll eyes*

The night went on and I went back to my table. At the end of the night, I spotted him at the dance floor and we danced reallll close. It was pretty obvious that he was refraining from kissing me when Mr BF decided to turn up at the dance floor and dragged my drunk ass home.



I was itching to see him again. I didn’t get his digits and I forgot his name.

I texted Gerald and got the dude’s name. Added him on Facebook, got his digits and started texting all day.

Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Chinese
Height: 5’9. Fit
First impression: Freaking CUTE!
Age: 1 year younger

So I found out that he was going to the Pitbull concert that night and decided I had to go too! I’d probably had gone mad if I didn’t get to see him again.

I contacted LUKE (my previous ex who was still a friend then) and he hooked Mr BF and I up with VIP tickets for free! Luke was working with one of the event sponsors. Yeah, Mr BF insisted on coming along after he caught me misbehaving.




So we were at the VIP area which was barricaded away from the rest of the crowd. Free flow beers all night long. I found out where Corey would be and told my girl, Gina to come with me.

Me: Let’s go there *points* I wanna see this dude.
Gina: Chad is here though?
Me: Let’s sneak out!

When both our boyfriends weren’t looking, we literally darted out of the VIP. Luke who was standing at the entrance stared at us like we have lost our minds.

Corey was just so Goddamn gorgeous. I can honestly remember it like it was yesterday. We danced, we laughed, we drank, and we got really close. So extremely close to a kiss. It was so tempting, my brains could blow (or should it be my ovaries?) but Gina insisted that we should get back to the boyfriends before they came looking for us.

Yes, the two boyfriends were obviously pissed when we got back. They found out from Luke that we ran out towards the opposite direction of the washrooms (we told them we went to the washroom and it was packed).



Nothing much happened the following few encounters at my usual joint. He claimed he did not wanna mess with girls who had boyfriends.

But some weeks after the Pitbull concert, it was Chinese New Year. And those of us who don’t have a hometown to return to pretty much have absolutely nothing to do but to hit the clubs.

CHRIS, one of my closest male friend back then and I decided to head to the usual with one of Mr BF’s friend, Jean whom he was interested in.

I bumped into Corey on the way out from the washroom. We said our hi’s and CNY greetings, and I went back to the dancefloor.

When I went back to the bar for a smoke, Corey was nearby and I motioned for him to come over.

Me: Why are you hiding in the corner?
Him: Staying away from trouble.
Me: What kinda trouble are you possibly staying away from?
Him: Staying away from you.
Me: Righhhttt… By hiding at the exact spot I spotted you? So why are you in front of me?
Him: Cause you asked me to come over.
Me: *dance a lil with my beer*
Him: Serioussssly?
Me: You could look away! Or you could always go back to your corner or back to your friends.
Him: You know I won’t.
Me: *continues dancing closer to him*
Him: Seriouslyyyy??? I don’t dance with girls with boyfriends. You’re tempting the F outta me!
Me: I’m not even touching you. I’m not even trying! Look, I’m standing far from you. I’m dressed like I’m going to Starbucks..
Him: Reallly? *continues repeating the same thing while smiling and coming closer* I don’t dance with girls with boyfriends.
Me: And you’re telling me that when your face is an inch away from mine?
Him: You’re really tempting the F outta me. You have no idea I so want to smash you right now *starts dancing closer and tempting me*
Me: *laughing* Relax, *rubs his chest and tracing my fingers all the way down to his belt*
Him: You really think I’m gonna relax like that?

When Chris and Jean came back to the bar, I threw my bag to them and took Corey to the dancefloor.

We danced and eventually our lips touched. Corey looked like he was in disbelief. When he snapped out of his shock, I dived in for another kiss, though more like a couple of short ones. I was sober and afraid Chris and Jean might just show up.

It was just too tempting to resist. If I continued being on the dancefloor I’d probably end up dragging him home!

Back at the bar, he sat looking like a broken puppy going all, ‘What am I doing?!’. I continued dancing in front of him and at some point, he grabbed and pressed me to his body. If only Jean wasn’t there!



We texted a whole lot. He sent a way too suggestive modeling shot for it to be innocent. Well, no innocent boys who refuse to ‘mess with people’s girl’ would be texting the girl, let alone exchanging photos.

Me: I’m going tomorrow. Are you?
Him: Yeah I’ll be there.
Me: Looks like I’d run into you again. Unless you wanna go into hiding.
Him: If your boyfriend is there then I’ll definitely be hiding.
Me: He’s not around.
Him: Good to know I won’t have to hide from you.
Me: That’s a first. I thought u didn’t want to be anywhere near me in the first place.
Him: When your boyfriend isn’t around, I would like you to be around.
Me: Contradict yourself much?

The next we met, probably a day or two apart. I begged my friends hit the club with me. They were exhausted from all the constant partying.

When Corey arrived, Chris almost immediately dragged Jean to the dancefloor for a good long time.

Tequilas, beers, made out. Being all over each other, I could feel a very hard hard on.  His body was delicious. The hard abs, the very defined jawline.. and I loved how dreamy his eyes were. He was an amazing kisser. Everything about him oozed sex appeal. His moves totally got me drooling. Corey was totally driving me nuts!

Him: I so wanna do things to you that can’t be said out loud right now.
Me: *Ovaries explodes*

The sexual frustration was so bad that we both eventually got pissed off. Corey pretty much stopped in his tracks, claiming that I have a boyfriend (roll eyes), he has his moral values and how it ain’t right. We went back to the bar.. and we started arguing!

Him: Why are you doing this to me when you know it’s not gonna get us anywhere. You’re obviously leaving with your friends and I didn’t drive.. We both know that I so wanna F the hell out of you right now but it obviously ain’t happening so why are we wasting our time. I might as well find someone else to go hook up with!
Me: Go ahead. You knew from the start that I had a boyfriend. That it aint happening tonight but you still chose to do it and besides, look at the time.. you think you’ve got the time to find someone else?
Him: I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you. Where are your friends?
Me: *Shrugs* Chris left. Brett is somewhere around. You go ahead.
Him: Call him then. You know I ain’t leaving you here alone.



Him: Where’s your boyfriend?
Me: What makes you think I have one?
Him: Are you saying you don’t have a boyfriend?
Me: If I had one, would I be out here tonight, on a weekend?
Him: I’m not sure. I was in a 4 years relationship and I still went out.
Me: *Shrugs*
Him: Are you saying you’re single?
Me: *Shrugs* To be honest, I don’t know. There was once I thought I broke up with a boyfriend but it turns out he didn’t think the same.
Him: So are you saying you broke up?
Me: *Ignores*
Him: Well, you are fun to hang out with and I’m all up for a good time with single girls. When you’re sure you’re single, gimme a buzz and we could hang out.

And that was that. We lost touch. Maybe Corey really did have a wee bit of moral values. He got himself a girlfriend not too long after so I only bumped into him twice briefly since 2011 till two days back.

I was at the bar when I ran into a friend I usually party with.

Me: Who else are you with that I know?
Him: No one really. Oh, Corey is there!
Me: That one with the cap? Oh my God, he looks like a ball!!

I joined their table caught up with Corey a little and played liar’s dice with the boys for the next couple of hours.. but not before throwing some insults at him;

Me: Long time! Why dafuq are you so fat?
Him: I aged.
Me: And I did not age?
Him: Well, I drink a lot..
Me: I drink a lot too, and you don’t see me looking like a ball.

It’s sad that he looked nothing like he did once upon a time. I had once thought that he is the most gorgeous Chinese dude I have ever met in real life. Gerald could probably come second.

That being said, Chris and Jean dated for a couple of years before it ended and he is now married with a daughter.

Gerald, still single and F-ing around. He could possibly be the hottest Chinese boy I know to date with a body to die for, being one of Singapore’s Man Hunt finalist and an underwear model. We eventually hooked up once back then and we still party every time he’s in town now.

Chad and I split after 4 years of dating, and not because he caught me red handed. Story HERE. We still hang out though not as much anymore. He’s now newly married and I’m happy for him


VERDICT: Sexual tension ain’t as fun as it’s made up to be at times.

The Animals

Name: LEON
Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Chinese mixed European
Height: 5′8. Normal
First impression: Cute
Age: 3 years younger


I met Leon about 1.5 years ago through some party people and we hung out together a couple of times.

Stella was hitting on him the first time we met and Christy then had a thing with him soon after. When I say a thing, it meant a couple hours of fooling in the car after party hours. Nope, they did not F.

I always thought Leon was very decent and somewhat shy. I mean, I had to use the G-Line on him when I was trying to get him to make a move on Christy!

This is how the G-Line works;

Me: Are you gay?
Guy: No, I definitely am not.
Me: Riiiighhhtttt.. *rolls eyes*
Guy: I really am not!
Me: Prove it!

.. and get them to make a move on your friend. Or if it’s obvious that you’ve got your eyes on him, he would most definitely make a move on you. Or accuse him of being a piece of wood. Both works wonders, every. single. time!

Trust me 😉


Leon has always been just a friend to me and I thought nothing of him till about 3 months back when I was drunk out of my brains from too much champagne.

Leon appeared with a bunch of girls and somehow, my severely intoxicated brains suddenly decided he was cute and grabbed him.

Leon: Babe, I’m here with a girl.
Me: Do I look like I care? *laughs*
Leon: Well, she’s at the washroom but okayyy..

So we grinded and we danced and his girl came back.

I have close to no memory of this other than the brief moment Christy stepped into the VIP and looked like her eyes almost popped outta her skull when she saw Leon and I. Just to clarify, Christy is completely cool with it, but was rather in shock as to what was happening.

The next day, I texted Leon.

Me: Sorry I misbehaved. I remember I said something bout cock blocking you..
Leon: No worries my dear. You’re lucky I had a girl with me otherwise I would have misbehaved and you would have been the victim.
Me: I was told I was grinding you..
Leon: Oh yeah and I enjoyed it while my chic was at the washroom. I was grinding you too and man, you were a tease. Don’t worry I’ll get back at you next time.`

Oh flirty, I see? At that point, I have just gotten over KURT and was on zero dude supply. I definitely didn’t mind a new F. Sure Leon wasn’t quite my type but beggars ain’t choosers plus Leon lives nearby, is one of the CLEO’s Bachelors and pretty popular with the ladies. Nothing beats convenience.


Leon invited me out for drinks a couple of times but I declined. I always have a shit load of events to attend, so if a dude wants a date, he most certainly got to plan in advance. No, I’m not popular. I just have loads of friends who love to drink.

A week after the grinding incident was Tanya’s birthday. Tanya is the craziest woman I have ever met through my decade long partying lifestyle. Seriously, no girl has came close to her level of insanity and I love her.

Tanya invited Josh, Leon’s best friend to her party. Which also meant Leon was invited.

Me: I heard you’ll be making an appearance at XXX tomorrow?
Leon: What’s XXX?
Me: Tanya’s birthday. Saw your name on the list.
Leon: Ah right. Josh mentioned, guess he signed me up for it as well.
Me: I’ll see you tomorrow I guess. Come pick me up? I’m too lazy to drive.
Leon: Alright sure. Where are you partying tonight? Wanna come to XXX?
Me: I’ve got an event at XXX. Feel free to join me. Else I’ll see you tomorrow.



Leon picked Josh and I up and headed over to the party. The birthday girl was as usual in her crazy drunk state by the time we arrived. We stayed for a couple of drinks before we decided to head to another club.

I have this strange habit of not wanting to be by the side of my dates. Almost like I do not want to be seen with them. As soon as I see humans other than my date, I’d be talking to them instead. That also meant I spent the night mingling with his friends whom I just met and pretty much ignored him.

When the night ended, Leon sent me home.

Leon: Did you have fun?
Me: I always have fun!
Leon: What would be the ultimate end to your night?
Me: Hmmm..

Just then, the traffic light turned red and Leon turned over to kiss me.

Me: Not bad.. this little boy can kiss. Hey, wait.. You’re supposed to turn in there! 
Leon: Nope, you’re coming with me!
Me: Oh? I don’t get a say in this?
Leon: Nope.

We got back to his place and we F-ed. Leon is a pleaser and a pretty damn good F. Pretty decent size too for a half Chinese!

We spent the rest of the morning F-ing and talking and F-ing again till the sun came up, slept a little before he sent me home.



Leon: Where are you partying tonight? We are headed to XXX.. Come join us, bring your girlfriends along.

And before I could reply, Christy sent a screenshot of Leon inviting her – Tess and I will be at XXX tonight, wanna join?

Wow, seriously?! We just F-ed a couple hours ago and now you’re making plans for me? But okay, I’ve always said it’s a crime to say no to good sex so I’m all for it.

That night, I brought some of my girls to his usual joint. It’s a pretty new lounge/bar that served overpriced drinks and his friends were always with buckets of champagnes so my girls ain’t complaining. I was hiding away from my usual joint anyway. Kurt had been spotted roaming the areas I’m usually at and I was avoiding him at all cost.

As usual, I was doing my own thing while Leon was seen picking up chics.

Christy: Why would you still wanna F him? He’s sucha douche..
Me: If no one wants him, why would I? I honestly don’t care, if anything, it makes me want him more.

Yes, I’m sick in the head like that. The more the dude is surrounded by chics, the more I am attracted to him. Weird.

We F-ed that night.. and the next.



The next weekend he was off to China for a family vacation. His mum was in town and he wouldn’t bring girls home. We ended up F-ing in Josh’s porch and hall while Josh was passed out in his room upstairs.

Leon: Are you going to XXX tomorrow? I’m flying off but Josh will be there, if you want you girls can join them.
Me: Most likely. I’ll give him a call then.

I honestly find hanging out with my F’s friends without my F to be rather weird but they’re pretty cool so I was alright with it. Free champagne doesn’t hurt either.

.. and so I spent the next week partying with his friends while Leon was away in China. He’d occasionally text to see if I was alright, just to catch up.



Leon: Just got out of the airport. Can’t find my suitcase.. yada yada yada.. what are your plans for tonight?
Me: Nothing much. What have you got in mind?
Leon: You wanna meet after dinner or a little later?
Me: Not too late, you’d be drained of energy!
Leon: Cool, we’ll meet Josh at 10pm. Bring your girls if they wanna drink.

So yeah, we F-ed that night. And we continued to F that weekend. And the next. For the rest of the month.


It came to a point where I felt bored at the mere mention of his name. How could I possibly feel that when the sex was mind blowing initially? And so I stopped. I did after all spend the entire month F-ing just him. I needed my variation.

But because I had became friends with his friends, and my girls with his boys, we still continued to hang out.

One of my girlfriends, Val even hooked up with Josh.



Val was blacked out drunk and naturally followed Josh home. I was done for the night after all the champagne. Truth be told, at this point, I can’t even recall how I got home that night.

The next day Val texted and asked if I noticed anything off about the night. All she remember was that she went back to Josh’s place and he was no where to be seen. The next thing she knew, Leon was on top of her, she pushed him away and ran off to puke.

When Val told Josh what happened, Josh didn’t bat a lash and changed the subject.

I texted Leon;

Me: I heard you were hitting on my friend?
Leon: No such thing. Probably too drunk.

Val couldn’t confirm what happened so I let it slide.

A week later, I was out drinking on a weekday when Leon booty called. It’s been awhile, I was bored and didn’t mind F-ing. He offered to come pick me up from town so I figured why not?

When we were done F-ing, Leon told me about that night. The night Val was blacked out drunk.

Leon: I F-ed her. She probably doesn’t even remember it.
Me: WTF?! That’s rape!
Leon: She didn’t say no. And she didn’t really look that drunk.
Me: Yeah well, she puked. You think?!

I was truly, utterly disgusted with Leon. Yes, I’m totally cool if my F-Bud F’s half the town, but only if it’s consensual. One should never take advantage of drunk girls.

I made up my mind that I was done with him but I couldn’t decide if I should tell Val.



Val asked to hang out with them. I kinda get a feeling that she had developed some feelings for Josh. I brought my freshly single girlfriend out with me that night.

Kurt came to see me. Yeah, Kurt. I decided my feelings for him were part of the past and made peace with him. We are purely friends now and we don’t even text anymore.

By the end of the night, my newly single girlfriend and I were highly intoxicated when she came up to me;

GF: Babe, you wouldn’t mind if I go with him?
Me: Go for it, he’s all yours. 
GF: Yeah, but you’re more important to me.
Me: Don’t worry. You can have Leon, but not Kurt. Leon’s a pretty good F. You’ll have fun!

.. and then Leon pulled me away

Leon: Babe, you know you’ll always come first..
Me: Geezz.. just go for it. I don’t freaking care!



I texted my girlfriend to see if she was alright. Those boys can’t be trusted. I’ve heard too many stories from Leon to not be worried.

Me: Are you OK? Did you have fun?
GF: Yea.. yada yada yada.. Oh did I tell you? I was F-ing Leon and Josh walked into the room and wanted to join in..
Me: WTF?! and..??
GF: I screamed at him till Leon told him not to come in anymore.
Me: Was he wearing clothes?
GF: First time yes. Second time he was naked. And I was naked!
Me: Seriously?!!
GF: Why didn’t you tell me that they were like that?
Me: I wouldn’t think that Leon would bring you back to Josh’s.


And that was it. I told Val what happened with Leon and decided that none of my girlfriends should go near that bunch of freaks again.

Another girlfriend of mine told me that Josh took her out for drinks and instead of sending her home, he took her back to his place, and demanded she get out of the car when she refused to. She threw a fuss till he gave up and sent her home.


It’s funny how Josh never tried anything funny with me and Leon had always respected my every request. Josh probably thinks I would slice his D if he tried anything given that I could sometimes be a raging psycho drunk bitch. Or that the entire KL would know of their antics given how I freely talk about my F’s. Then again, I’m never too drunk whenever I wanted to F.

I had this conversation with Christy and we both agreed that things like this happens to girls who cannot take care of themselves. Douchebags like them would only take advantage because they know that these girls will never speak of such incidents again. Val doesn’t want anyone to know of it.

It happened to me once with JACOB and I never spoke of it because of his girlfriend. The entire KL would have known what happened if it wasn’t for her. Ever since then, I never fully trusted a guy.

I’ve been telling my girlfriends to follow this set of rules;

  1. Don’t drive if you’re planning to drink a lot. It’s just F-ing dangerous.
  2. If you’re too drunk, go home with another girl or get an Uber.
  3. Never ever follow a guy’s car unless you’re alright if something were to happen.
  4. Don’t get too drunk if you wanna F. It’s never safe.

And guys, just keep it in unless its consented. It’s not a trophy if you banged her when her mind is not present.

Leon tried booty calling me 3 times in the past 2 weeks. I ignored his advances. I am not mad that he F-ed my friends. I am mad that he took advantage of them and that is totally not cool.


VERDICT: If women deserve getting raped because they were dressed inappropriately or were too drunk, does that mean we can smash your face cause we find it ugly or slice your D cause we did not want to see it or have it in us?

The Cock Teaser

It has been awhile since my last post. It was Sahara Season and I guess I was just plain lazy to hunt down a new F. I got plain bored of Tinder!

I almost F-ed AARON‘s housemate (I’ll leave that for another post) and this super hot Persian model that I have been eyeing on for the longest time but the timing was bad.

There was also this Chinese dude but it was the time of the month and I rolled over and slept right after I had a feel of his micro P. What went through my mind right after I felt his package was, ‘It’s so small, I’m gonna feel literally nothing. What if I fell asleep while he was F-ing me?‘. The dude is reasonably good looking, albeit short and had a solid body covered in ink.

Why is God so unfair to Asian blokes?

So anyways,

Origin: KL
Ethnicity: German-Chinese
Height: 6’2. Looks buff but is not
First impression: Player
Age: 5 years younger

I remember the exact moment I met Sebastian more than a year back. Christy nudged me as he walked into the VIP area, “That’s Sebastian. He’s SO hot! Do you know him? He’s in a lot of the club’s Facebook photos. He’s quite a regular here“.

I was instantly attracted. I got the club’s manager to get us introduced and all he said was, “Hi” and turned away. Wow. That’s not very nice!

Within the next hour, Sebastian was up on the podium with a tall lanky Chinese girl grinding and shoving her hand into his pants.

Christy immediately had a look of disgust written all over her face and lost all interest instantly. I on the other hand was way amused. I love assholes, remember?

But Sebastian was 50 Shades of Stuck Up!

Over the next few months of seeing him at the club every other week, he’d completely ignore my existence even though he knew all my friends and would say hi to them but look right past me.

Eventually, I’d roll my eyes every time I saw him.





The night after I was completely smash and ended up on Aaron’s bed, Sebastian walked past and waved at me. I was so puzzled that I actually looked behind to check if he was waving at anyone else.

Then he started talking to me. Making short, flirty conversations every time we were at the club. On many occasions, I’d catch him staring at me from a distance with that I’m-gonna-F-you eyes and he’d maintain the eye contact.

I was out at my usual joint one Wednesday night, totally flying after multiple champagne-beer shots. You have to try it if you haven’t already. It is the ultimate knock out formula!

Sebastian came in late and started being real flirty but I refused to throw myself at him given the fact that he always has a different girl on his arms almost every time I saw him.

You see, this dude is really good looking and is well known for his wealth. He always has a bunch of really hot Caucasian models with him and these girls changes all the time! I had never seen him with the same girl twice.

Sebastian: You’ll be here?
Me: Yes *continues dancing*
Sebastian: I’m going to the toilet for 5 minutes. Give me your number *waves his phone in my face*
Me: No
Sebastian: *continues waving his phone* You sure you don’t wanna give me your number?
Me: Sigh *keys in my number and continues dancing*

I didn’t want to key in my number not because I was trying to play hard to get but cause it was just soooo hard! I keyed in my number for another guy earlier on and it was just the toughest thing to do when you couldn’t even see straight. But as soon as Sebastian was out of sight, I started jumping and screaming, “YES YES YESSSSSSS!! FINALLY!!“.

As much as I hated his stuck up guts, Sebastian really is a looker. I have no idea what happened on that fateful drunk night that he decided to start talking to me but whatever it was, it clearly worked!

Sebastian texted me on and off over the months but I had no idea what his true intentions were. He never asked me out, never booty called.




I got to the club late and highly intoxicated. Sebastian was at my table with some of my friends when I arrived. He immediately grabbed on to me. Even when I moved to the other end, he’d somehow be next to me.

He was a smart guy though. He made it seem like I was throwing myself at him when he holds my hand and pulls me towards him from under the table, behind pillars.

Sebastian: *Carries me up facing him* OK can..
Me: Can, what?!
Sebastian: *Does humping moves*
Me: WTF?
Sebastian: Shaved?
Me: Whaaaaa??
Sebastian: *Looks down south*
Me: Ah.. Yes.. Oh wait, no! 
Sebastian: *Puts his hands in my pants to check*

I usually shave before I head out but it was that one rare occasion where I couldn’t give a flying F. I wasn’t expecting to get laid or have a guy check on my pubes status!

Over the months, Sebastian would continuously tease me every time we met. Cock teasers aren’t only a label for girls. He drove me insane and I seem to turn dumb every time I talk to him. You know, like how you’d be lost for words when your high school crush talks to you?

Phil and Christy reckons I’m retarded and could not figure out why I had not booty called him like I usually do with every other guy. I didn’t know why either. I guess I wanted him to make the move.

Sebastian would say things like;

Sebastian: *Passes me a drink and cheers*
Me: *Drinks the drink*
Sebastian: Do you swallow? *as I was swallowing my drink*
Me: … *almost choke*

Sebastian: *Takes my hand and holds it against his palm*
Me: What?
Sebastian: *shakes his head and wraps my fingers around his wrist*
Me: … *lost for words*

Me: I saw the photo of your cat. It’s huge! How heavy is it?
Sebastian: Bigger than you can handle.
Me: I’m sure I can handle it.
Sebastian: How big?
Me: Eight!
Sebastian: F you!
Me: Seven!
Sebastian: OK can!
Me: …. *lost for words*

Sebastian: Bye! I’m leaving!
Me: Why? Stay!
Sebastian: No, I’ll do bad things to you!
Me: …. *lost for words*




We were both at the club at separate tables and by the end of the night, we were both pretty smashed. On the way out, Sebastian stopped me,

Sebastian: *Comes really close, had his hands up my shorts* Shaved?
Me: Yes *puts my hand into his pants but it was so tight I could only squeeze two fingers in and felt nothing*

Phil started screaming for me to get going so I ran off without Sebastian. Somehow he got to the car before I did and stopped me in my tracks. Sebastian told me to get in but I refused.

It was the time of the month, AGAIN!!

Sebastian texted me when we got home.

Sebastian: You should have came.
Me: Weekend! I really wanted to play with your cat though!
Sebastian: I only offer once.
Me: Right. We’ll see about that.
Sebastian: Weekend. Last chance.

Weekend obviously did not happen. He had a girl, I was occupied with my own boys I found at the dance floor.

A week later, he went public with a girlfriend!




Sebastian joined us at our table at our usual joint. Girlfriend wasn’t around.

Friend: I remember what you said to her.
Sebastian: Did you shave?
Me: *Lifts up his shirt, tries to pull his pants down in front of everyone*

At the end of the night,

Sebastian: Let’s go!
Me: Wait.
Sebastian: Come, let’s go! *stares at me as he walks away*
Me: *Points at the seat next to me and continues talking to Christy*

Sebastian pretended to walk off while looking at me intensely the entire time. Eventually, he came back and sat next to me. Now that’s a good boy!

He got impatient and dragged me out of the club within the next 5 minutes though.

I was texting Phil the entire journey in between his fingering and the 2 second blowjob I gave him. When we got to his place, I texted Phil right before I jumped into bed with Sebastian.

All I remember was the initial penetration (which hurts a little considering I have not had a F in almost 3 months) and the next thing I know, he jumped off me and turned on the lights! I thought maybe he didn’t finish. Or that it lasted a full minute.

Sebastian did a quick clean up and sent me home. I texted Phil and he was still out having breakfast with Christy and the rest.

Me: Why do you even have a girlfriend if you’re still taking random girls home?
Sebastian: I don’t know either. I never asked her to be my girlfriend! Plus you’re just the second random girl.
Me: I’m not a random girl!! I see you every F-ing week!

I was disappointed. So very disappointed!

I have wanted Sebastian for more than a year and it turned out to be a disaster!

Oh and though he is German-Chinese, I guess all his German genes went to his good looks and height. The Chinese genes took over down south and that is pretty sad.

But when I woke up the next day, I realized from my texts to Phil that I was at his place for over 20 minutes!

5.07am I’m leaving with Sebastian. Please take care of Christy for me — When we left the club
5.15am Fingers crossed! Good dry spell breaker — When I reached his place
5.38am LOUSY! — Right after F-ing
5.43am He’s sending me home now. Where are you?

Could there be a possibility that I fell asleep during the F? OH MY GOD!!


That would be so F-ing embarrassing! As much as I was pretty floored, I didn’t black out all night, so there was no way I could have blacked out only during that 23 minutes! In my defense, I was drunk, the room was pitch black and his bed was reallllyyyyyy comfy!

I wish I could ask him what happened but I wouldn’t want to bust his ego. Oh wells..

One off the bucket list! 🙂


VERDICT: No more nothing mixed Asian! I made an exception and went on with it just cause it was Sebastian and he had been on the bucket list for far too long!

The Virgin

Two weeks back, Christy turned up at our usual joint with the whole crew from her sister’s wedding. Her sister’s hubs, although not that great looking, oozes sex appeal.

I was then introduced to his little brother.

Name: TODD
Origin: KL
Ethnicity: British-Chinese
Height: 5″10. Lean and VERY muscular
First impression: Bad boy
Age: 4 years younger

Todd had his brother’s features but was way better looking. He had this mysterious bad boy vibe going on with hair covering half his face and all the way down to his ass. And his body.. Oh. My. God!! He looked like he was made of pure muscles!

Christy: Come meet my brother in law! He’s very shy, doesn’t talk much but is really good looking.. look! *puts my hands on his chest and abs*
Me: Fine, fine. I will after a couple of shots.

When I finally decided to chat him up, Todd was really uptight, replying only with one liners.

Christy: You should try him out! I think he’s really good looking.
Me: He doesn’t even talk!!
Christy: Isn’t that a challenge?
Me: Bring it on! I get a burger if I get him.
Christy: You’ll have to sleep with him for that burger! He’s seriously very shy though. I’ve never seen him talking to a girl! EVER!

After a few more attempts, I dragged Christy up to Todd.

Me: Is he gay?
Christy: I don’t know. Are you?
Todd: No I definitely am not!

The ‘are you gay’ line had always been my last resort.. and it works every single time! If the guy is cold to you, accuse him of being gay and WALLA! Next thing you know, you’d have his tongue down your throat!

.. and that’s exactly what happened with Todd. I’d give a better description of how I ended up making out with him all night but I have no F-ing clue! He did however manage to pull off the whole rough making out and I was convinced he’d be a good F.

I’d estimate that we made out for a good 3 hours and when the night ended, I told the shy boy;

Me: I’m gonna F you tonight.
Him: No babe, not tonight.

Fine. We exchanged numbers and parted ways.

When I woke up the next day to a massive hangover, I called Christy.

Me: Babe!! WTF happened? How did I end up making out with him?
Her: I’ve no idea, I was so F-ing wasted!
Me: Yeah, you made out with him too! I totally freaked out!!
Her: Don’t be so dramatic! Please, please do not bring that up again, it’s just another kiss, with another guy from another club on another week!
Me: Riggggghhhtt!! You should have seen it from my eyes babeee!! You came to us while we were making out, said you wanted a threesome and kissed him! I was like uhhh.. babe that’s your brother in law!!
Her: But really, you guys making you is a pretty big deal. I really have never seen him talking to a girl. Did he text you?

Oh no he didn’t! That kid doesn’t get to make out with me all night with no follow up so I texted him;

Me: Hey Todd! Tess here. Did you get home safe?
Him: Who’s the F is this?
Me: Is this Todd?
Him: No
Me: Ok, sorry!
Him: Nah just messing. I’m alright!
Me: Text me on Whatsapp!

So I found out from Christy that Todd is not on Facebook and does not use Whatsapp. Weird. But 2 days later when I have totally forgotten bout his existence, Todd texted me on Whatsapp! Christy, her sis and her hubs were totally amazed!

Come weekend, after the night of my epic switch, I texted Todd in the evening. Read about The Epic Switch HERE.

Me: Hey what you up to tonight?
Him: Nothing, what do you have in mind?
Me: More like where do you have in mind?

We settled for a budget hotel nearby at 11pm that night.

Todd turned up drunk!

He couldn’t walk a straight line, pushed me on the bed, made out, went down on me, ripped my bra apart.. Yes, he tore my bra. He’s lucky I wore an old one that day or I would have screamed at him.. and the best thing happened.


He freaked out, going all, “No F-ing way, not today of all times.. and here I am thinking it was going to be awesome!” then locked himself in the bathroom for a good 45 minutes trying to get it up.


I on the other hand couldn’t believe what was happening. I know about how it is when a guy can’t get it up. I had 2 ex-boyfriends who were like that and as soon as they got into the “F, not right now” mode, there’s no way in hell it’s waking up, especially not when you’re drunk!

So as I lay on the bed while he desperately wanked off in the bathroom, I decided that he is after all Christy’s family and I should not be an ass to him. Under normal circumstances I would have dressed up, knocked on the door to tell him I’m leaving.

But I dragged him out, and chatted with him for almost 2 hours till my tummy started rumbling and I decided to head to my usual joint to look for Phil who told me that Aaron was there making out with some chic. Read about Aaron PART 1 and PART 2.

Me: I’m headed to the club. You could come if you want to, either way, I’m going.
Him: You sure you want me to come?
Me: Yeah. We could have some beers and you can be there with me to annoy someone.

Sure, he couldn’t F. But he was still a F-ing good sight for sore eyes! I felt content just looking at him and the thought that I could have F-ed something that hot had my ego shooting out of the roof!

At the club, Aaron’s friends broke into a fight with Phil and some guys at the next table. Phil and Aaron were talking and when Aaron saw me, he screamed, “YOU!! I F-ING HATE YOU!! YOU AND I, WE TALK LATER!”

I drunk texted Aaron the night before..

Me: Where are you?!
Him: I can’t come I’m wasted! *sends image of blowjobs shots*
Me: You were wasted two hours ago. COME!
Him: My brother is driving and he is sending me home.
Me: Tell him that if he doesn’t turn up, I’ll never bring you guys in for free again.
Him: Really? Fine!
Me: BYE!

Yup. I pissed the hell outta Aaron the night before with my drunk texts but as soon as Aaron laid eyes on Todd, he came to me and hugged me real tight while planting kisses on my cheeks;

Aaron: How are you? Is that your new guy?
Me: *Smiles and pats Todd on his muscular chest*

TESS – 1


And when Todd left for the washroom, Aaron came up to me again..

Aaron: How are you babe? Apart from the texts last night, I F-ing miss you! *tries to kiss me*
Me: Stop it! He’ll be back soon!
Aaron: We’re leaving now. You can come over later if you want. We’ll all be at my place.
Me: Dude, I’ve got a guy to deal with..
Aaron: That guy? Yeah, I’ve a girlfriend thing going on as well, did I tell you?
Me: Yes. So we are not gonna F anymore!
Aaron: No, we can. I still want to!
Me: No, I don’t want to. We are not F-ing anymore.
Aaron: Ok but that’s you. I still want to F you! *tries to kiss me again*
Me: Behave yourself! Go home!

By the time Todd came back, I was in the shittiest mood ever. I looked at him, rubbed him down on his chest and abs, and I still felt nothing! Good Lord, even a sack of muscles couldn’t pull me out of the rut Aaron had put me in.

Fast forward, Todd got drunk on 4 beers, I had to drag his ass into the cab and he was dead to the world as soon as he landed on the bed. When we woke up, I was hungry and we left soon after with him still moping bout his failed erection.

Although I didn’t get laid, the weekend was just epic! Todd couldn’t F but I sure was proud as hell parading him around the club as my trophy boy!

3 days later as I was chatting with Christy, she left me a voice note;

Her: OMG OMG I wanted to tell you but I totally forgot. My sister told me this. Todd.. is.. a.. virgin!
Her: Todd told his brother bout it. They picked him up in the morning after you left and he was really down. Apparently that night he announced to his family that he was going on a date when he went out to meet you.
Me: This can’t be real man! I almost F-ed a virgin? IT’S A BOOTY CALL NOT A DATE!
Her: Yes. I’m kinda glad you didn’t take his virginity away. He’s a very quiet guy. I heard that during the wedding his parents actually took photos when they saw him talking to his brother’s friends!

Oh wow! I may have turned into a cougar, but I ain’t no virginity thief! How could I have missed all the signs?!

Imagine if he had actually gotten it up, I’m pretty sure he would have had a pretty good first F. I give pretty damn good instructions! But on the hindsight, I’m glad it didn’t happen.

As much as I’m sure guys just wants to get rid of their virginity as opposed to girls saving it for The One, I’m sure there’s a better way for him to lose his than to someone 4 years older than him who’s only interested in his muscles at a budget hotel on a booty call.

VERDICT: Again, never judge a book by it’s cover. The bad boys might just turn out to be a virgin!

The Highschool Crush

I’m just not in the mood for work.

While mourning the lost of my rather huge sale and the potential of getting an iPhone 6 and a beach vacation with me, myself and I where I could bake in the sun all day and Tinder all night for a week, instead of scrolling endlessly through pictures of hunks and gorgeous nail arts on Instagram, I decided to dig out an old story.

Throwback to early high school years when I was 14; I had a crush on Shane.

Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Chinese
Height: 5″10. A little chubby back then
First impression: Class clown
Age: My age

Shane was a classmate. Always goofing around, disturbing girls. Although Shane was adorable and sweet, he wasn’t one of the popular boys. Nobody knew, but I had a huge crush on him.


At the tender age of 14, just chatting on the phone for hours and hanging out in class was a pretty big deal.

One day, a bunch of us girls skipped school and got caught. When we got back from the principle’s office, my other 2 girlfriends were bawling their eyes out. I wasn’t sure why but watching them cry, I started sobbing myself. Shane comforted me for the longest time. He always made me smile.

The next year, Shane migrated to Sydney, Australia.

We kept in touch through ICQ/mIRC and MSN Messenger, chatting almost daily. I was always entertained by all his stories. The cultural difference Down Under, the parties.

When we were 17, clearly we did not sit home in front of the PC as much and so we would occasionally SMS one another updating on our lives. But I was dating Leo then and he wasn’t happy when he found out. I explained that we were only friends and the dude was a million miles away but he still wanted us to seize all contact. Fine. I did it his way. Read a little about Leo HERE.

We totally lost touch. It was a time when ICQ, mIRC and MSN Messenger were no longer in use. Facebook was not even popular yet.


One day, I dreamt of Shane. We were in our class when we were 14, making out at the back of the class. The dream was so vivid even when I woke up.

I searched the Internet for Shane to no avail. After a couple of hours, I gave up. I went about with life as usual but a few months later..

I dreamt of Shane AGAIN!

This time, I told Sherry, my then best friend about it and begged her to search the Internet with me. I refused to give up and eventually, I found a website that Shane and his friends started. They uploaded videos of themselves at parties, silly kung-fu moves, “fight” scenes, endless pictures.

That website led me to his MySpace profile and guess what? Shane was no longer the chubby little boy I remember. His transformation was astounding! Buffed and toned, Shane oozed sexuality!

I started up a MySpace account, added Shane and caught up on all the lost years.



At 21, Shane came back to KL for a vacation with his best friend for a week. Though I was happy, I was going through a rough patch after all that I went through with Sid. Read about Sid HERE.

The first night we were out partying, I got pissed drunk on Vodka and started sobbing uncontrollably in the ladies. Shane noticed I was missing and came into the washroom looking for me only to find me in tears. He gave me a shoulder to cry on and eventually I was back in the club partying.

A girl friend of mine was fooling around taking photos with Shane’s friend, lip to lip. I drunkenly told Shane I wanted a photo like theirs. Next thing I knew, we were making out all night. I remember photos of him carrying me while lip locked, with friends cheering us on in the background, us flashing our undies (more like his undies and my g-string) at the camera.

But being the shy(er) girl that I was back then, things were awkward the next night we partied. We pretty much ignored each other and he left the day after.

Shane came back for a short trip the following year. He made a pass at me when we were out partying but I was dating Chad then and had sworn to myself to be loyal at that point of time. Read about Chad HERE.



Though we are friends on Facebook, we did not exactly keep in touch other than a few comments here and there on statuses and photos.

One day, I got a call from a random number. Shane was in town for a week for his dad’s funeral. It was a Wednesday night and he wanted to party.

I gathered a few close friends, picked him up from his relatives’ home and took him to a club nearby where only locals hung out.

Me: Shouldn’t you be mourning? Or at least sad?
Him: My dad would have wanted us to go on with life. I’m dealing with it in my own ways.

If I ain’t at my usual joint, I’d be at this particular club just because drinks are cheap and I felt so much at home. It’s a bonus that I occasionally score free drinks from the bar because the club’s manager is an old friend.

Shane was to join a body building competition at the end of the year and he was huge! It really was an impressive transformation from the once upon a time chubby boy I knew. We both know how we used to have a crush on each other. We also knew that at that point of time, we are both still physically attracted to one another.

It was only midnight but our friends were starting to leave.

Me: If you want to stay and drink, you could. Don’t worry, I’ll get you home safe. I won’t take advantage of you.
Him: Are you sure you don’t want to? *smiles cheekily*

By 2am, with all the beers, vodka and tequila shots, we were both whacked. He attempted to kiss me in the club where I told him no. I knew too many people there and I was in the early stage of dating Luke. Read about Luke HERE.

When the song Danza Kuduro by Don Omar came up, he dragged me out of the club and sat me down at the lounge area.

Him: Do you know the meaning of this song?
Me: Nope. Do you?
Him: La Mano Arriba. It means ‘your smile’. Cintura Sola; it’s so beautiful..

Shane went on and on, somewhere along the lines of that, describing it to be the cheesiest love song ever made. Some months later, I Googled the meaning only to realize that all the song was saying is to ‘put your hands up, moving only the hips‘. Smooth!

Shane grabbed me and we kissed the most passionately drunk kiss in history (if that’s even possible) when we entered the car.


Him: Take me home with you. I’m gonna ravage you!
Me: No! I don’t live alone.

We ended up at a budget hotel in the area.

Him: Why were we too chicken to do this 7 years back?
Me: I don’t know. You were the only one who ever got away!
Him: So I’m just a trophy to you?
Me: You know you have wanted this the whole time too.

Unfortunately Shane had a whiskey dick that did not last too long and so we pretty much drunk talked and made out all night before the guilt kicked in and I made a move, leaving him stranded in the room.


When I told Christy about Shane, she was beyond amused. “First you have a crush. Then you make out. Then sex. The next time he comes back, you guys are gonna get married!

I have not seen or spoken to him since but I’m sure as hell that I’d be seeing him the next he’s in town.


VERDICT: Shane and I have came a long way since we were both 14. Some attractions can last a lifetime (or at least more than a decade!)

The Betrayal

Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Eurasian-Chinese
Height: 5″10. VERY normal.
First impression: Good looking, charming
Age: 1 year older

I sold test tube Vodka shots in the club when I was 22 to survive through college and on one of those nights, I met Jacob.

We did not accept credit cards for the shots I sold and I literally emptied the cash in his wallet selling him shots, leaving him just enough to pay for his parking ticket.

He wanted my digits but I refused. “Come back next week. One shot for each digit to my number“. That would be 10 shots that summed up to MYR150.


By the next weekend, I have totally forgotten about him. I have used that line on numerous guys who would have somehow bought those shots in the same night (and I’d give them my spare number which I registered for this purpose only) or I would just outright tell them that if I gave my number to every guy who asked for it, I’d be a very busy girl.

I went about my night and when I went to the lounge area outside the club, Jacob was seated with two friends. He bought the 10 shots, drank them and left soon after. I was impressed. He earned my real digits.

Jacob would call me every now and then and we would be chatting for hours over the phone. I didn’t believe in going out with guys whom I met while working at the club but Jacob had his charms.

Some weeks later, I finally went out him for a casual dinner at Swensens. With my black hole of a stomach and crazy appetite, I devoured my giant cheese burger like I’ve not eaten in days. I wanted to drink and we headed to a nearby club for some Vodka cranberry.

Being the emotional drunk that I was back then, I started sobbing like a retard as the night ended. I wasn’t over Sid and it became a routine to weep over it everytime I was intoxicated. Read about Sid HERE.

He put on some sappy love songs, held my hand and comforted me in the car for the longest time but that was it. He never made a move on me.


We went out a couple more times through the months up to the point where I met Chad. Read about Chad HERE.

I started dating Chad soon after and Jacob was pissed.

Jacob: What does he have that I don’t?
Me: I don’t know.
Jacob: I’m better looking than he is. I’m richer than he is. So why him?
Me: Sigh. Get in line?

I was annoyed. Although I liked Jacob a whole lot, he never really made a real move. And with him going on business trips for long periods of time frequently, I obviously found a new interest.

Over the years we would bump into each other at the clubs or through mutual friends. Jacob would call to check in on me every now and then but Chad wasn’t happy with it so I stopped talking to him unless I happen to see him outside.



I was at a bar that belonged to a girlfriend, Tammy along with Chad. Tammy is one of the only highschool friends whom I managed to keep in touch with. We were really close back in school but pretty much lost touch when she left for another school at 15. We bumped into each other pretty often when we were both partying rampantly at 22 and when we do actually manage to schedule a night out, it’s almost like we never really lost touch.

It was then that Tammy introduced her new boyfriend, Jacob. Chad and Jacob stared at each other for a moment before they both went all, “Owwwhhhh so you’re the guy!“.

I was shocked, and quite frankly, a little upset. Now I’ll never be allowed to date Jacob.

Tammy found out that Jacob used to like me and would ever so often jokingly tell him to back off every time he started being even a little flirty with me. Perhaps it only came naturally considering how I would still feel that same attraction I had for him. He would still kiss me on the forehead every time we hugged our goodbyes and I’ll notice how Tammy’s expression would change. I swear I did not do it on purpose, it was not even something I could control!




I have not seen the both of them in at least a year now. I bumped into Jacob (without Tammy) at my usual joint on a Monday night. It was the eve of a public holiday.

Phil had to leave to send his drunk girlfriend home but I still wanted to party.

Me: My friend is leaving. Can you send me back?
Jacob: Sure. I’m sending another 2 friends home, but don’t worry I’ll get you home safe.

I’ve partied with Jacob numerous times and I always got home untouched no matter how drunk I was so I figured it would be fine.

After one too many beers, champagnes and possibly some whiskey, I was smashed beyond believe. You see, I used to puke all over whenever I was a goner but these days I go into autopilot mode and no one would know I’m whacked. I won’t remember the night but would still go on drinking and dancing like everything was normal.


To summarize the end of the night, I..

  • Lost my wallet
  • Do not remember how I got out of the club
  • Do not remember that I demanded for food and ate a shitload
  • Do not remember Christy calling like 10 times before I answered and told her everything was alright
  • Do not remember entering the car

All I knew was that I knocked out in the car, woke up and crawled onto the passenger seat after he sent his friends home.

I vaguely remember Jacob telling me that it was really late and that if its alright to sleep in his guestroom before I knocked out again.

I know I got out of the car but the next thing I knew, I was in a hotel room making out with him.


In my intoxicated state, initially, it was like awesome, I have wanted this for so long! Then the guilt started kicking in while we were F-ing. I can’t deny how much I enjoyed it.

Him: Do you regret this?
Me: What’s there to regret, it’s already done.
Him: This is the first time I’ve cheated on Tammy and I don’t regret it. It’s something I have always wanted to do. Like a bucket list.
Me: Can’t deny that it’s very flattering to be on someone’s bucket list.
Him: I can still remember how we met, those shots.. the burger you had at Swensens. You crying in the car..

The sun was up by then and when we were finally done, it was already 10am. My black hole of a stomach was crying for food. I refused to head out to have breakfast so Jacob left to buy me food.

I woke up at around 1.30pm with a fabulous hangover and extreme disgust with myself. I wanted to call a cab but I had no idea where I was. So I called Jacob.

Jacob: I thought so you’ll be calling me right about now.
Me: Where are you?
Jacob: I’m on the way back with food.

He came back happy and chatty but all I did was stare at him with utter disgust. He realized the awkwardness while I demanded that no one should know about what happened, especially Tammy.

I had my breakfast and he sent me home soon after. Just as I was getting out of the car, he smiled and told me, “I’ll always remember it“. Ughh!!



Yes, clearly we were both still attracted to one another, but the more I think about it, the more I don’t feel that I should be blamed. I did not ask to be checked into a hotel room. I did not give out any vibes that I was still interested in him.

When I told Christy about it, she went all, “OMG I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have left! There was no one there to take care of you. It’s all my fault!“. She thinks of it as a date rape. I would too if I wasn’t attracted to him! I could only tell her that I was nobody’s responsibility to be taken care of. I should have took better care of myself.

I could not decide if I was disgusted with myself for actually continuing the night just cause it was good or that I betrayed a friend whom although not that close, I’ve know for literally half my life or that I’m pissed with him for taking advantage of a pissed drunk girl.

But at the end of the day, there is no one to blame but myself. It all boils down to my inability to control my drinks and bad behavior.

If his girlfriend wasn’t Tammy, I would keep him around for sure. I have always said that after each session of bad sex, the next would always be awesome. I just did not expect it to be such a traumatizing experience.

I would never leave the club without Phil again. I have given his girlfriend strict instructions to never allow me to stay back no matter what I say; be it that I’m sober and still want to party or that I want to follow some super hot dude back.

If I wanted a guy, I’ll take down his number and deal with it when I’m sober. The only exclusion to this is if I have already slept with the dude previously or have been obsessing over him for a long enough time.


VERDICT: Control the drinks and never fully trust a guy. Ever