Two months back, I got a text from an unknown number.
Him: Are you still dealing with properties?
Him: How is the market?
Him: Do you want to sell my property? It’s Hans by the way, in case you don’t have this number.
Me: I’ll let you know if I have clients.
Him: How have you been? It’s been awhile.
Me: Same old.
THE NEXT DAY
Him: Are you pissed off with me? Sorry if I’m being over sensitive.
Me: Definitely oversensitive. I’m busy.
Him: That’s cold. When will you not be busy. I’ll buy you dinner.
Me: Wait. Which Hans is this? Cause the other Hans probably wouldn’t whine that I’m cold.
So, it was HANS.
We chatted a couple of times over the past seven years after our scandalous relationship ended, but we never found the time or motivation to meet up.
Hans got married, is a dad of a four-year-old girl. His second daughter died of Edward’s syndrome after eleven months. He did booty call some years back when the wife was pregnant but I ignored him. I always had the policy that I would never touch a married man.
After some chatting, we planned to meet a few days later. I questioned if I should be meeting him. I enjoyed the chats a little too much and meeting a married man for a date was playing with fire.
Hans got fatter. He used to be skinny. His face had gotten rounder and he sported a belly. But he was still as F-ing charming and charismatic.
Him: Any boyfriend?
Me: No. I’ve been single for five years. It’s not that I haven’t had a guy for five years. But I haven’t had one for the past ten months. Not even a date!
Him: Wow, I guess I still have it. I’m the first to get you out on a date in ten months!
Me: Whaaaaa… this is not a date!!
Him: Then what is this?
Me: Well… umm… shit. Dammit!
The date lasted a whole freaking four hours without alcohol. Catching up on lost time was easy and smooth. I guess when you’re attracted to a person’s personality, the attraction wouldn’t change even if the looks did. And it was apparent that the attraction was mutual.
Hans repeatedly said that wanted a girlfriend, that life has no excitement. It’s all about work.
We planned to meet a mutual friend for drinks that weekend as his wife was out of town.
Hans picked me up and we headed to the city to meet an old friend whom we both lost touch with. While I caught up with our friend, Hans chatted with the others whom he just met.
Every now and then Hans would join our conversations. He’d give me the eye. And the occasional lingering touch on the back and waist. I didn’t resist it. I couldn’t. And of course, a lot of flirting.
Me: You’d better drink more. You won’t be able to after Sunday.
Him: Of course I can. I will still see you.
When I started tearing up cause of because of my cat (who was thirteen and dying of a kidney failure), Hans hugged and kissed me on the cheeks. Our bodies were touching the entire time we were at the bar, with me seated on the stool and back facing him.
The cleaners were mopping the floor when we were leaving and Hans tried to hold my hands. I refused. He had me hold on to his arm. It was legit slippery.
In the elevator, Hans held me firmly by the waist and tried to kiss me. I put my hand on his lips and told him to behave himself. He shook his head and pulled me closer. I obviously caved.
We kissed. Wow. I felt that instant spark. My body came to life.
We headed to one of his properties. Made out, foreplay. Man, I truly wonder where this dude mastered his dominance. Hans wanted to F, but I refused to break my ten-month dry spell within five minutes so I dominated the speed. Every time he reached for the condom, I’d push him down and went downtown.
Me: I don’t want F you. Else I wouldn’t see your face for the next seven years.
Him: I’ll see you. I might even keep you till you find a permanent boyfriend.
Me: *laughs* that sounds like the rest of your life!
Eventually, Hans pinned me down. “Shut up bitch, I’m going to F you now!”
Hans broke multiple records;
- First F in ten months
- First Chinese dude in five years
- First dude I re-F-ed after many years
- First ever married man.
Him: I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. At least I can walk out with dignity.
Me: And I’m walking out with no dignity left. Okay bye. See you in seven years.
Him: F you. I’ll see you again.
He texted the day after but I was out.
My cat died. I was devastated. I needed any sort of distraction, even if it compromised my moral values.
Me: Surviving Monday?
Him: Tired. Jaw pain. Must be the kissing.
Me: What kissing? I don’t remember. Think I need reminding.
Him: Want me to refresh your memory? How about later this week.
Me: Want me to boost your ego a little?
Him: Giving me a boner now.
Me: When I get overly sad, I think of that night to distract myself n actually feel better. Except the distraction is a little bit… ahemtoodistracting.
Him: Driving with a boner is no fun.
Me: I’d fix that problem while you drive if I’m there.
Him: You know I can always swing by for a bit if you like.
We chatted for a bit before jumping into the backseat without turning on the engine. Made out. BJs. More BJs. Talks. I refused to let him finish.
Him: Don’t fall in love with me.
Me: I’ll fall in lust with you.
Him: Lust, sure. Don’t fall in love.
Me: If it’s that easy, I wouldn’t have been single for five years.
Him: You’re actually my first affair.
Me: What? No way! Not first cheat I’m sure?
Him: Not first cheat, but definitely first affair.
Maybe I’m sick in the head, but why is this all so exciting? With him, it feels so familiar, yet everything also felt brand new.
But it was also a constant battle in my head. I come from a broken family that got crushed when my mom openly had an affair. I had refused to get involved with married men all these while simply because I did not want their kids to go through what I did, nor did I want to partake in the destruction of a family.
The following week I was craving to see Hans again. I had to.
Me: So… We’ve got unfinished business. We need to arrange for an urgent meeting to close the deal.
Him: Looks like an urgent requirement. Think we need to make it a priority.
Me: Indeed. When is the soonest possible time to arrange for a meeting? There are some urgent matters that needs to be rectified.
Him: Can we do the next week?
Me: I have an additional proposal for the meeting.
Him: What do you have in mind?
Me: *sends photo of restrains*
Him: Wow. Damn. Proposal accepted!
We met up for dinner at a nearby bar.
I was frustrated that I had to go through the whole dating process. Hans must have noticed my annoyance when he proclaimed, “the thing with having an affair is, sometimes you need some sort of relationship too. Otherwise, it’s not so different from paying for sex”.
Hans got us a room. But right when we were about to get started, the wife started calling. Even after he set his phone on silent, it continued buzzing the entire time and we had to rush through sex.
THE NEXT DAY
Me: You haven’t storied on why the wife kept calling.
Him: She heard the dogs barking and thought I got home.
Me: You must have made her suspicious. I didn’t want text you if it wasn’t becaused of the property. Getting rushed through sex is not only a huge turn off but also super degrading.
Him: I know. Sorry. She’s not suspicious. I am sorry, I know it’s not nice. I feel bad and equally degrading too.
Me: What’s degrading on your end?
Him: I don’t like treating you like that.
Me: Well, I enjoy a good F. And you’re a pretty good F. But playing mistress isn’t quite my thing. I like my sex good and uninterrupted. Buzz me if you ever find yourself single again.
Him: Well, let’s be friends. Like we already are.
Me: Haven’t we always been friends?
Him: I’m going in for a meeting now. We’ll talk later. Sorry *kiss*
Me: Why does it feel like I just broke up with a boyfriend.
Him: Not yet. Talking to you got me a moment. “Moment”. Stiff. Naughty thoughts.
Me: What sort of naughty thoughts?
Him: My, my. All sorts.
LIKE MOTH TO FLAMES
I have got to admit I started to develop some feelings for Hans. Lust and excitement are feelings too. A very addictive one. Or perhaps it was because we never had a closure back then? Could it be that I was hooked on his charms?
Either way, I craved his touch. As F-ed up as the situation had gotten, it didn’t make a difference if I stole a dollar or a million from the bank. I’d still go to jail.
I am still going to hell.
I constantly needed his attention. But Hans wasn’t always available, unlike all my young, single F-Buds. I was spiraling out of control.
Afraid that Hans might not realize that I had changed my mind and still needed to F him, I sexted him.
*sends signature undie photo*
Me: Kinda… Thinking of you now…
Him: Damn. Just got out of a meeting.
Me: Was thinking of how you were fucking my face.
Him: Now I definitely can’t concentrate.
Me: And you grunting and telling me how much you enjoyed it. Gets me wet AF when you talk like that.
Him: Damn. I’m hard as F.
We scheduled for a F-Date the following week.
It was three days before my birthday. We called it my birthday F.
Hans booked us into a room at a four-star hotel and F-ed me to glory. He was way better than I remembered him to be back then. Hans drove me wild in every way he touched me. Well, I brought a vibrator for guaranteed satisfaction in case we had to rush through things again.
But that constant battle was still F-ing up my head on the daily. I hated everything I was doing. I knew it had to stop. I really wanted to be rid of Hans. I needed to get rid of him. I was racing downhill towards an inevitable heartbreak and I had to pull the brakes no matter what (or who) I did.
The only way to seize contact was to get bored. But that was time-consuming. I did not have that luxury. As promiscuous as I am, it was ridiculously morally uncharacteristic of me to be having an affair with a married man. My moral compass was spinning out of control.
I decided that I had to render his D useless.
A bigger, better D would put Hans out of business. A 6.5 incher can never compare to an 8 incher.
Two days later, I was curious as to how I’d feel when I saw Hans again, I lured him over with some dirty texts. I had to know if it worked.
I melted at Hans’ touch. My head spun when our lips touched. I was intoxicated with lust.
But the F was… I felt nothing! YAY!! Mission accomplished! I needed to feel filled and I knew nothing could compare to an eight incher. I wasn’t surprised when I felt close to nothing when he penetrated.
I don’t know about Hans, but I for one sure am not excited to see him again any time soon.
Though I have never believed in marriages, I wasn’t one to ruin a happy family.
All these years, friends have been telling me to settle down. As much as I wouldn’t mind a boyfriend to ease the long, lonely nights (and the regular sex), I can’t imagine being permanently locked down.
VERDICT: I can’t deny that I have toyed with the idea of playing mistress but never acted on it. And now that I have, I’d go back to the hot, young, single boys at any given time.