The Export


KURT: I made a new friend.
Me: Uh huh?
Kurt: You’ll love him. Come here now *sends a blurry sneaked video*
Me: NOW?! Nah.. Maybe tomorrow.
Kurt: I know you’d do him. All the girls are checking him out.

The next day, I headed to a fairly new club in town to meet Kurt so I could see for myself how much I’d love this new friend of his.

As I entered the club, the first thing I noticed was the hot manager pouring some drinks for the customers. I thought, “Wow! I’ll get *the other manager* to introduce him later. Where’s Kurt?

Me: Hey youuu!! *hugs*
Kurt: *hugs* My friend will be here in awhile, he’s over there somewhere.
Me: Oh, the manager’s really hot!! *points*
Kurt: Him? That’s my new friend!
Me: *jaw dropped*

When his friend came to the table and got introduced to me, he was so F-ing arrogant with the I-know-you’d-want-me look plastered all over his face. He was friendly to everyone but completely ignored me, but baby I know that move all too well. All I had to do was to mirror his attitude and BAM!, he’d be mine.

Name: BRAD
Origin: Germany
Ethnicity: German-British
Height: 6′. THE perfect body
First impression: Gorgeous
Age: Same age

Initially, I’m like okay, he’s hot from afar but just alright when he’s in front of me. Brad is quite the pretty boy. But whoaaa when he took off his blazer, you could almost see the hearts in my eyes *imagine the heart eyes emoji*. I know this because Kurt’s girlfriend looked at me and burst out laughing.

Those biceps and chest could get any girl drooling. Them full sleeve tattoos totally added to his bad boy image.

So I ignored Brad for most of the night till he finally sat his ass next to me and we started talking. Small talks at first, then it got flirty, and I completely ignored the flirting.

Sometime later, I was checking Brad out as he was chatting up a girl at the nearby table and he noticed. Well, apparently I check out dudes a little too indiscreetly… But that’s the whole point ain’t it?

Brad: I’m not into anything serious.
Me: Not everybody wants serious. I wouldn’t want serious even if you try *looks down thinking of something smart to say*
Brad: I know you’re imagining my D.
Me: *speechless*

By the end of the night, although we exchanged digits, Brad was mostly agitated by my nonchalant behavior towards him.

Brad: Do you want me or not? I’m not gonna beg you for it.
Me: *victory smile with the F-me eyes, kissed him on the lips and walked away*

Kurt and the rest of the gang wanted to head off for supper but Brad had to stay back to close up and I threw a fit at Kurt insisting that Brad be there. I have no clue what they spoke in German, but Brad turned up for supper, sat at the opposite end of the table, texted back and forth while staring at me like a piece of meat, all while everyone else were busy talking and clueless as to what was happening.

The next morning, Brad texted;

Brad: Morning! 🙂
Me: Morning! How’s the hangover?
Brad: As usual, and yours? Damn the apartment is free now and you could come.
Me: I’m exhausted and famished.


Me: What did you say to Brad?
Kurt: Nothing. He told me every time he came back to the table that you’re actually kinda cute and he’d F you. The more he drank, the more he said it. And maybe because I told him that you might want.
Me: When are you going there again?
Kurt: Soonish. You wanna see him huh? You’re such a girly girl. Like a teen with a crush.
Me: He’s too pretty to be taken seriously.

We met a couple of times from then on and all were good, mostly because he had to behave at work. But our texts could only lead to annoyance. We were both too damn arrogant for our own good.

At some point, we were both whining to Kurt about how we couldn’t tolerate one another.

Me: *whines whines whines* Brad is such a piece of shit. Who does he think he is? So F-ing arrogant!
Kurt: If you guys hate each other so much, stop texting already! He’s telling me the same thing! Grow up both of you!!



Brad and I have not been in contact for awhile now but he’s never really out of mind considering I’d hear a lot about him through Kurt.

It was my girlfriend’s birthday and we were out at a nearby bar when Kurt decided to join… with Brad! Brad had stopped working at the club and was about to manage an upcoming bar with a friend of his.

Brad gave me a big hug when they arrived and I pretty much ignored him for the first half of the night. After a few drinks, he started getting a little bit flirty. When the birthday girl was a goner, Kurt, Brad and I headed to another bar to meet a girlfriend of mine.

Brad kept poking and pinching and annoying the hell outta me the entire time. At some point, I looked at my girlfriend;

Me: I’m so pissed, I’m gonna rape him!
GF: *to Brad* She said she wants to F you.
Me: I said I’m gonna rape you, not F you.
Brad: Oh really? I’d like to know how you’re gonna do that.
Me: See this? *shows middle finger* This is going up yours!

When we left the bar, Brad wrapped his hands around my shoulders.

Brad: You’re coming over.
Me: What makes you so sure?
Brad: I already told Kurt to send you back with me.

On the way to Brad’s however, LUCAS replied my texts with some lame ass excuses that got my mood ruined. I showed the text to Kurt and…

Kurt: Don’t reply him. And stop using distractions.
Brad: What’s up?
Kurt: Some dude of hers. She’s only using you as a distraction.
Me: NO I’M NOT!!
Brad: Nuh uh.. I don’t do that shit. You can forget it.
Me: Dafuq? *stares at him*
Brad: Don’t give me that look.
Me: Fine. Then Kurt needs to send me home.

I mostly wanted to strangle Kurt at that point of time and when we reached Brad’s, I had to move to the front so I threw my bag up front.

Brad: Take your bag.
Me: I thought you didn’t want to anymore.
Brad: *opens car door* Just take it.

When we got up, we chatted for a bit before getting to it. Man, Brad is freaking dominant in bed. He’d choke and grab and yank and spank and slap. I loved dominating men! In fact, he does rough sex even better than ETHAN!! He loved going down too! No one can quite choke like he does. I was ecstatic! And his body is delicious!!

We chatted for a bit after two rounds and Brad wanted me to stay the night but nah, I wasn’t quite in the mood and I wasn’t about to wake up early so he got me an Uber.

I then realized that Brad is all arrogant and shit for show when others were around. In private, he really was quite sweet. I figured I could use a F-Bud like him.

But then… a month later he had some problems with work and moved to Thailand! Say whaaaaa?!! I kept pestering Kurt to visit him but of course, it never happened.



I was out on a Thursday night with Stella who took some Aussie girls out to party. The girls had a morning flight out to Bali and Stella suggested we joined them over the week. I love the beach and was totally up for it. But Stella woke up and decided it wasn’t a good idea.

I desperately wanted a beach and decided it wouldn’t kill me if I tried my luck with Brad. He is managing a resort on an island in Thailand. I have been toying with the idea of exporting myself out for a F-cation after having CRUZ and KENT fly in from Singapore and Australia.

Plus, I really needed a break from reality.

Me: Yo! I heard you moved to an island?
Brad: Yooo… Yes I did 😉
Me: I so need a beach vacay. If I go there, can I sleep on your sofa?
Brad: I don’t have a couch but I’ll find you a place to stay.
Me: If I come for like a week, and promise not to bother you (much), can I stay with you?
Brad: *calls* I’m lazy to type. Just come, don’t complicate things. It’s peak season so I’d probably give up my room for the guests and get a place for 2 weeks and you can come stay for free. You can sleep on the floor for all I care *burst out laughing* Go book your flights. I’m all good as long as I don’t have to see you 24/7, I have to work.
Me: Don’t worry, I don’t wanna see your face 24/7 too.

So I booked my flight out in 2 days from Sunday till Friday.



Brad: I’m F-ing tired. We’ll go eat and then back to our place. It’s not too bad. We have no pool so don’t expect too much. I hope you’ll enjoy your time here.

It was sundown by the time I arrived. Brad picked me up from the pier.

Me: Long timeee!! Wow, you look different!
Brad: Yeah, more burnt, more skinny and more silver (hair).
Me: Looks good enough!

Brad looked like a proper beach boy!

Bought some food back to the room. Sat around for a bit and decided to take a shower. I was sticky and disgusting from the 9 hours worth of traveling and waiting around.

Brad totally ambushed me at the shower. He walked straight up to me, grabbed me by the neck and kissed me. I totally forgot how dominant he was and it drove me absolutely delirious! And his body – so tanned and ripped, it was a sight for sore eyes.

Me: Oh damn you’re sexy! *runs my fingers down his abs*
Brad: *huge smile, slaps me across the face and kisses me*
Me: *swoons*



Woke up. Shower-F. Bought food. More F.

Brad: What do you wanna do today?
Me: Beach, massage, eat.
Brad: Sounds like an easy plan. I’ve already arranged a massage for you at my resort for half the price. You’ll be getting it by the beach.
Me: OMG I love you! Not that way. Is this a one-off deal, or can I do it every day?
Brad: You can do it as much as you want.

Brad took me to brunch at a restaurant with a view to die for. The island is just beautiful.

Grabbed a beer by the beach and went to his resort for massage, pool, beach and then brought food back to the room.

Then Brad went into silent mode. Hmm.. what’s up with this dude? I figured he’s upset about work and left him be.



We got up early and all the restaurants were still closed. Brad took us to a fancy 5-star hotel and had buffet breakfast by the beach. Words cannot describe how gorgeous the view is. Initially, I refused to eat there as it costs a bomb but he claims –

Me: Whaaaat?!! It’s so expensive!
Brad: Hang on *disappears for a moment* Okay, I managed to convince them to let you eat for free cause you don’t eat much so we’re just paying for one person.
Me: Really? Are you sure?
Brad: Just eat. I already paid. Don’t ask so many questions.

Yeah, right! Like a 5-star resort’s gonna allow anyone to eat for free.

By then I figured that it was low season and Brad’s resort wasn’t full. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He simply wanted to get a room for us. It was a semi-vacation for him too. How sweet could this dude be?

It was funny when we spoke of how we met and how he was undecided if it was the right move the first time we kissed, as he didn’t want to hook up with clients/friends of friends. So I guess I finally figured out why we only hooked up after so long.

Baked under the sun, pool, massage, beach, ate a shitload of food on the house because they hired a new chef and were doing some food tasting. Brad didn’t want to eat anymore and sent all the food directly to me.

By nightfall, I realized Brad is a grumpy ass who enjoys watching TV in silence as soon as he hits the bed. He also hates being touched when we weren’t F-ing. Easily agitated when sober. And everything is annoying and stupid. Brad is a replica of my asshole ex, LUKE! He snaps pretty quickly too, but I just sucked it up. I am after all completely dependant on him the entire trip and he had also been really sweet.



Brad had to get to work early so we had breakfast on the house at his resort. The weather was gloomy but it was perfect. I was already almost burnt from the day before.

Again, had a massage by the beach, played with the resort’s dogs. One of the staff brought in two Golden Retriever pups!

Brad: I’m going off for some alone time. You stay here. They’ll take care of you. I already told the staff to put whatever you order on my tab. Just don’t overdo it.

But of course, I did not order a single thing. Firstly, I just couldn’t stomach any more food. Secondly, I did not want to take advantage. I did not expect to be so well pampered. I thought Brad was just going to give me a place to stay!

I was laying by the pool when the waitress came with a pizza. Oh, Brad is back. And he started cleaning the pool cause no one did.

Me: You totally remind me of those pool boys who gets seduced by housewives in movies.
Brad: *big grin* Except I’m just a cheap ass tourist who somehow became a manager.

Brad is such an eye candy. I loved looking at him. I could look at him all day and not get bored. Everything about him oozed sex appeal.

Me: *sneaks a photo and sends to Kurt* The hot pool boy!
Kurt: The more time you spend looking at him, the more you like him huh?
Me: I always thought he’s hot.
Kurt: I know. Still getting better the more you looki looki! I should have you spayed to stay focused!

Kurt’s not wrong. By then, I absolutely adored Brad. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

We were supposed to head to a beach party that night but I got lazy after I got back to the room so I texted Brad;

Me: Come back, I’m horny.
Brad: LOL I’m not 😉

Really now?

When Brad got back to the room later that night;

Brad: *hugs and kisses me* I’m sorry, I’m not horny. But I don’t want you to feel bad or feel like I don’t want you or find you hot. I’m just not horny.



I was thoroughly burnt. I couldn’t take the sun anymore. And it was raining anyway.

Brad: I don’t feel like going to work today.
Me: Then don’t. You have 2 days off a week and you’re working every day. Take a break.
Brad: I will.
Me: I’ll buy you a nice dinner tonight, how about that?
Brad: What for?
Me: For taking such good care of me.
Brad: Aww… I forgot about that *holds my hand*
Me: I thought you don’t like being touched.
Brad: It’s fine when I decide to do the touching *places my hand on his D*
Me: *rolls eyes*

We fooled around for a bit, just lazed in silence and ordered room service till 3pm when we decided to head out to 7-11 to stock up on water, food, and cigarettes.

Me: We’re only going out for 5 minutes, why bother doing your hair.
Brad: *raising his voice* Why do you ask stupid questions? Everyone asks me the same thing! It doesn’t matter if I just step out or for the entire day, I like to look good so I don’t feel like shit.
Me: *raising my voice* Just saying. Every damn thing I say annoys you. Every question is stupid. I’ll be out of your face soon!!

I totally lost it. I tolerated his grumpiness for 5 days and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt bad AF for blowing up at him but it had to be done. I cannot allow him to walk all over me and be okay with it.

Brad: Maybe I should have some alcohol *drinks his VSOP*
Me: *walks out*
Brad: Are you being grumpy now?
Me: I’m not grumpy. I just don’t want to talk to you. It’s too hard to talk to you.
Brad: *hugs me from behind* Poopie, please don’t be angry…
Me: What’s a poopie? Are you calling me shit?
Brad: Nooo, I call everything poopie. I even call the dogs poopie!
Me: You’re calling me a dog?!!
Brad: Noooo…

We went off to Family Mart where I bought beers to drown myself in alcohol so I could go straight to sleep. I was fuming. The entire time Brad would try to make conversations, flashing his super dashing smile but I refuse to acknowledge him. If I did, a war would start and that wouldn’t be very nice. Or I’d just melt and he’d go back to being grumpy.

I sat on the balcony with my beer in silence. Brad came out twice to see if I was okay.

Brad: *massages my shoulder* Are you okay? Are you still mad?
Me: Go to sleep.

Then he tries again, hugging me and telling me he’s sorry. By then I was just plain sad. I guess it did not affect me as much on the first 2 days because I felt absolutely nothing for him then.

Knocked out on beers and VSOP and jumped up at 11pm. So freaking guilty that I totally slept through dinner.



Got up at 5am for breakfast and our final packing.

Me: Since I didn’t get to buy you dinner last night, can I give you some money? Contribution for all the food and the room.
Brad: Don’t be silly. I’m not taking it. You can buy me breakfast. And it’s okay, you had to put up with me too.
Me: Are you sure?
Brad: *hugs me from behind* I’m sorry okay? I know I can be hard to be around. That’s why I prefer to be alone most of the time. Please don’t be mad.

I completely melted. Why are you so sweet, you piece of ass!

We usually go to Family Mart to stock up on food but this time;

Brad: We’ll go to 7-11. I know you want the chocolate drink.

Brad filled up my chocolate drink with the cutest smile plastered across his face while I gathered some breakfast. We got to the ferry counter just on time to check in and say our goodbyes.

Brad: Next time, come during the high season. There will be more things to do. You’ve only seen half the island. I’ll take more days off the next time to take you around.
Me: *hugs him tight*
Brad: Go, they’re leaving already.
Me: *walks a couple of steps, turn around and see him smiling.. hugs him again*
Brad: *hugs me tight and kisses me on the cheek*


And that was the end of my vacation on paradise island. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to export myself out on a F-cation? I wasn’t meant to fall for Brad. I sought to escape reality but came back a lovesick fool. I really wanted to kiss him before I left but that would just make matters worse. I miss Brad so Goddamn much!

Me: This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Kurt: I was certain it was gonna happen, but I hoped otherwise.
Me: Oh really?
Kurt: Yes. I know you. I know him too. It was doomed from day one to end up in a semi-romance.
Me: Honestly did not expect semi-romance when I booked my flight. Remember we hated each other?
Kurt: I did the day I learned you were going to see him. And you’d expect someone who hates you to invite you over? It’s okay, it’s only natural.
Me: I thought he was gonna be an ass.
Kurt: Naive. A man wouldn’t invite someone he doesn’t deem fuckable to stay with him or if he didn’t like that someone. Now it’s a matter of how you handle it, it’s not gonna go anywhere anyway.

I guess it ain’t easy to stop thinking of a person after spending close to 24/7 with them over a week in paradise. Even harder when they’re sweet AF. He ain’t earning much but he still did whatever he could to make my week as close to perfect as he could. Please don’t get me wrong, I paid whenever he allowed, otherwise he gets grumpy.


VERDICT: I finally got my vacation romance and it ain’t as fun as it looks on Hollywood. It’s mostly just heartbreaking.


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