The Import

Name: KENT
Origin: Australia
Ethnicity: Australian
Height: 5′10. Extremely bulked
First impression: HULK!
Age: 1 year older

 

3 WEEKS BACK

It was a typical day swiping on Tinder when I matched Kent.

Kent was in KL for holidays and was to head to Bali next but was stuck in KL as his brother accidentally took his passport back to Australia with him.

When we finally got to chatting, the chemistry was really good. Conversations were easy. The dude was witty. I usually do not bother with tourists, because like what is the point really? A date, a F and byebye. What if I liked the dude?

But because Kent was so extremely hot in his photos and so much fun to chat with, we agreed to lunch the following day before his flight out of KL. Kent had the body of Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones, except much fairer with short hair and no make up.. much larger biceps too! Looks wise, he looked like a roughed up pretty boy. Just. My. Type!

Unfortunately (or fortunately, else this story would not make it into the blog), time was a constraint. Kent was waiting for his passport to be delivered and by the time he got his hands on it, it was either meet and risk missing his flight, or to forget my existence. It was me or Bali.

So as we both went on with life, we somehow continued chatting.

By the time Kent got back to Australia, we chatted every waking hour.

Kent was a cop who dealt with armed robberies/break ins, a trainer with black belts in 5 different martial arts, an almost dive master, a shooting enthusiast and an animal lover. Oh and he loves super heroes!

Kent would share stories of his daily adventures as a cop. It was hilarious as much as it was sometimes heartbreaking to listen to. Kent seemed like a person who was full of energy and loved life.

Me: Why don’t you come back in 2 weeks for my birthday?
Him: I would love to but I’m not sure if I could take a long leave. I’ll check on my roster.

I told myself to have no expectations after what happened with HUGO. This dude was in Australia, not just across the border in Singapore!

But when Kent finally finalized his leaves and bought his flights to KL for 5 days (2 days after my birthday), I was estatic!

Him: Happy birthday!
Me: Awesome birthday present! I didn’t think you’d really come! After booking all these stuff, I doubt you’d change your mind!
Him: Why would I not come?! Clearly you’re epic. I barely text girls in my own city at all much less another country! The fact I have been texting you so much means you must be pretty amazing! And I am willing to travel for amazing 🙂
Me: Aww! Sweet talker aren’t you?
Him: It’s not meant to be sweet talking, just the truth. You’re stunning looking, great to talk to.. It’s at least worth the trip over to see what the chemistry is like!

I was excited as much as I was nervous. Kent was due in KL in less than a week and although I enjoyed every moment of chatting with him, I had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.

As I told Kent about how I felt about not having too much expectations as everything was fueled purely by our imaginations at that point of time;

Me: No expectations. But promise me this one thing, what ever happens in KL, do not ghost me after. 
Him: I can’t even imagine doing that to you. I’ve never done something like that and I’m not about to do that ever!

Kent was totally optimistic. He also made it clear that he wasn’t travelling just to get laid. Clearly we could both easily gotten some action in our own countries with less effort;

“Assuming KL goes well and you still like me, I am not even joking. I am 100% sure I want you to come spend time with me in Australia. You can stay at my house and all your food and travel and stuff will be sorted by me so that wouldn’t cost you a cent. And as for flights, I am more than happy to fly you over to me. So all you need is to provide some time off work. I’m not even thinking about it happening, I’m already planning it. Like the only reason it won’t happen is if you don’t want to visit.

I feel super lame because I’m meant to be this big tough martial art police man but it’s the truth and I feel comfortable telling you this stuff knowing you won’t think less of me. I was walking down the street in XXX today getting a coffee with my partner. And I was thinking “in a few months I’ll be walking down this street holding Tess’ hand while we go to a coffee shop and have a look in these interesting shops and it’s really pretty here, I think she would like this area.

Look, I have no doubt about KL at all. I’m totally excited!”

I JUST TOTALLY MELTED INTO A PUDDLE! WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT!!

NOTE: Those are his exact words. I copied and pasted them.

We planned for me to take all 5 days off work to take him around town. Planned on what and where to eat. Kent even got a hotel 5 minutes from where I lived!

Fast forward all the chatting and stuff, Kent made his way to KL. He initially wanted to buy me dinner at this 5 star hotel but I didn’t want him to spend that much. I’m stupid like that!

As I made my way to meet him in the restaurant, I didn’t have that happy-nervous-excited feeling I usually do with promising dates. Instead, I felt strangely dreaded. Like, what am I doing importing this dude from across continent?

 

DAY 1 – THE DATE

Kent looked exactly like his photos. Bulky. Pretty boy with an amazing smile. But.. I could tell from the first 5 minutes of conversation that we were lacking chemistry.

We chatted for 3 hours through dinner. Though the conversation was pleasant, the spark was missing. Non existent.

I’d say if I have to pretend to be interested in anything that comes out of your mouth and plaster on a fake smile, then I’m not really having a good time, am I? Yes, I realize I have only been blogging about disasters. I’ll make it a point to write about some happy dates (that also ends as nightmares) soon!

By the time the restaurant closed, we headed back to his hotel on the pretense of chilling at the pool. But the pool was obviously closed so we went back to his room.

After about an hour of chatting, I decided that we’d might as well F and see what the chemistry was like compared to our good-for-nothing general chemistry.

The F was.. good. He had the moves. He made me squirt. Size wise, he was average. But the chemistry just wasn’t there! Like, it didn’t feel eww, neither was it amazing.

Kent went to clean up right after he came and so did I. When I got back into to room and plopped onto the bed, he pulled me up asking to head down for a smoke and pulled away when I wanted a hug.

Okay. I’ve had more than enough experience to be able to smell coldness!

After 2 ciggies;

Me: I’ll leave if you want..
Him: Okay. We can validate your parking ticket.. bla bla bla..
Me: You know what, it’s 3.30am. I’ll stay the night, take you out for lunch and you can come back here after.
Him: Sure, that works too.

When we got back to the room, Kent immediately went to sleep and only put his arm on top of me when I requested for a hug. Like literally just planted his arm on me. I swear my one nighters who were complete strangers had managed wayyyy more love in their cuddles than that! Some of them are pretty damn adorable too!

Yeah I sometimes cuddle up to my one nighters for some temporary love and affection fix. Works wonders for lonely nights!

 

DAY 2

Woke up to Kent being grumpy. Got showered, headed out for lunch before he headed back to his hotel for the gym. We planned on meeting at 4ish to head out for some super hero coffee later that day.

I was beginning to dread meeting him. We had zero chemistry. I didn’t know how the next days were going to pan out!

At 4.30pm, I texted Kent. Nothing. Called him, nothing. Called the hotel reception and they couldn’t reach him at his room. I was furious. If you don’t already know, I hate getting bailed on.

Kent finally replied at around 7pm explaining that he fell asleep at the pool and felt a little bit ‘off’ after the nap but would be fine with dinner though he needed to sleep early so he could head to KL for some jujitsu in the morning. Okayyy..

Dinner and desserts went alright, I guess. We talked, but not in the way where we were interested in what we both had to say. We talked for the sake of talking. It was exhausting!

By the time we got home, I texted Kent;

Me: Thank you for dinner and everything btw. I really hope your trip to KL has at least been pleasant so far considering you came for me and I can clearly see the disinterest. Like I can totally feel the coldness radiating from you and getting friendzoned after sex.
Him: Mmmm coldness really? I honestly don’t feel like I’m friendzoning you. I’m not big into holding hands and affection in public in general. I’m not in a good mood today and I was feeling a bit off this afternoon so I’m probably not the best company! But I didn’t mean to seem cold or whatever!

Right. *rolls eyes*

 

DAY 3

I woke up needing to get my vape fixed. And because Kent mentioned that he wanted to get hold of some vape juices while he was in KL, I asked if he wanted to come with.

Called him, nothing. Texted, nothing. Bah, whatever.

Eventually he replied asking what time I wanted to leave but decided he’d rather stay in and continue napping.

But that was it.

By evening, I asked if he was still up for dinner. I was supposed to be a good host, taking him out his entire trip, remember?

Kent completely ignored my texts, not even reading them though I can clearly see him going on and offline.

Christy reckons he was sleeping. But I could see the dude moving around KL from Facebook’s Nearby Friends feature and him liking bikini models on Instagram, posting stuff about riots in Australia on Facebook.

I sent him a text saying how he should at least respect other people’s time considering we had planned for me to take him around and if he preferred to be left alone, he could just say so.

No reply.

More than anything, I was annoyed. After midnight, I shot him another text telling him how disappointed I am with the way he chose to handle the situation –

“I agree that we aren’t anywhere as good as we had envisioned our meeting to be. I guess its just the expectation of something that turned out way different in real life.

But chemistry doesn’t have anything to do with the person you have been texting with.

I would have expected enough respect and dignity to talk about it before you vanish on your host so impolitely and refuse to even read my texts. So much for promising to never ghost me huh?

There is so much I wanna say but I have no clue how to put it in words.

Let’s just say I’m disappointed with the way you decided to handle the situation. I didn’t feel the spark either, but I still had the decency to follow up.

This could possibly be the biggest disaster in my dating history but like I said, chemistry can’t be forced. I refuse to believe that you came all the way just for sex. So other than not being able to get along as amazingly as we hoped for, there really is no reason to behave this way.

I had imagined every worse case scenario before u came and frankly, it turned out far worse than I possibly thought it could”

By then, I could see that Kent was out somewhere in KL and when he finally did check my texts, he was back in the hotel at 4am. So much for not being a drinker huh?

Still, no reply.

 

DAY 4

I was furious. I mean common, although I F around plenty, Kent didn’t know about it. So assuming I did not F around, how shattered would I have been? It was outright getting played out!

Like, I did not do anything to deserve being ghosted on without so much as a word especially when I was supposed to be his host. If Kent was just another KL dude, he wouldn’t have heard from me after Date 1!

angry-woman

By evening, I was raging to the point of ranting it all out to KURT (Yeah, we’re BFFs now). I was so antagonized that my hands were shaking as I texted Kent;

“You’re officially the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. And to think that I thought you were a nice guy and kept making excuses for your behavior.

Turning cold after sex is one thing, completely disappearing is another level of low. I never thought you could be so immature and it is utterly disrespectful, be it sex or no sex, chemistry or not to behave this way.

No fuckboys I’ve ever encountered had came close to how much you’re such a massive waste of time. I wish our paths never crossed. You absolutely disgust me. Like really, fuck you!”

Then I blocked the dude. I blocked Kent on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder.. everything! No reply in this lifetime would make me feel any less pissed than I already was.

But I guess without Kurt, I wouldn’t have eventually calmed down.

Me: Love yaaa!! Not in that way. What would I do without you!
Kurt: I know. In a way that no one can take it from us 😉 Lovey dovey love never lasts.
Me: We came a long way darling. And looking back it’s really funny. I just have to say that sometimes it makes me feel better that you were the one and possibly only guy that I went full on bat shit crazy with and you still care bout me.. makes it feel like I’m not that horrible after all.
Kurt: If it helps you, you are not horrible. You were lost. But you already have been way more lost than today. I think you’re getting there. Go sleep and don’t be mad. He wasn’t worth it. And be glad the fucker doesn’t steal any more of your time.

 

I still don’t know what to make of the whole importing Tinder date. HUGO never made it through. The weekend date with CRUZ was pretty much a fairy tale compared to the disaster that struck this time.

Failure-is-simply-the-opportunity-to-begin-again-this-time-more-intelligently.-Henry-Ford

I wouldn’t consider myself a failure. I did manage to convince and/or lure a dude to fly in to see me after all. It’s just that the whole situation is THE ultimate failure and Kent handled it like a total man-child.

Maybe next time I’ll prolong the F-ing. Like, F them on the last day or something. But then again, if I did that, I’d have wasted several days to find out if they are indeed an asshole!

I had imagined all sorts of worse case scenarios and nothing came close to this. Then again, I wasn’t on the losing end; The joke’s on him. I wasn’t the idiot who flew across continents to get laid!

No doubt I still feel stupid for believing his bullshit. He might have lined up several Tinder dates along with me!

Yes, never heard from him since. He could easily text me on WhatsApp if he wanted to. I never bothered to get his number, but he has mine.

PS: No F-boy EVER vanished on me without a word!

PPS: I’m not a horrible person. I’m still friends with my ex-boyfriends, most of my ex-F’s and ex-flings in a purely platonic way.

 

VERDICT: Nothing good ever comes out of Tinder. Having said that, I wish they had a review feature on Tinder like they do for Uber or Coachsurfing!

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