The Fuck Boy

Name: KURT
Origin: Germany
Ethnicity: A mixture of 5 different races (Half Asian)
Height: 6′. Buffed
First impression: Super adorable
Age: 1 year older

I met Kurt about 4 months back at a party. Kurt was a friend of SEBASTIAN‘s.

At that point of time, I was still working on getting into Seb’s pants, so I backed off when Seb stood there staring directly at me as Christy and I poked around at Kurt’s abs and biceps.

I had completely forgotten Kurt’s existence till a couple of days before Halloween when we matched on Tinder.

It seemed like we hit it off immediately. Conversations were smooth and witty. We chatted all night about mutual friends and decided we’d meet the next day at my usual joint. It was the day before Halloween.



Kurt arrived late and intoxicated after having attend a birthday party. Albeit drunk and not my usual go-to type, he was as cute as I remembered him to be.

We hung out on and off that night as our tables were at different rooms. Towards the end of the night, Kurt joined us at our table and he held my waist as I danced in front of him.

Somehow, my severely intoxicated brains decided that Kurt was hitting on Christy and went into a rage. After Christy, Phil and I left at 4.30am, I left him nasty texts;

Me: Guys who shows interest in my friends would never interest me.
Kurt: Why would you even say that? If anything, I came for you. I don’t even know her name!

We drunk argued over Whatsapp till a little over 6am and woke up to a thumping hangover. Reread the texts and wished I could bury my head somewhere. What was I even thinking?! I gave up all hope on ever seeing or talking him again.

But Kurt continued texting! My replies were cold and yet he continued to make conversations.

I gave in and we continued chatting. Any guy who had the patience for my crazy was definitely worth a shot. It was Halloween after all and I’d be seeing him at the club again.



Traffic was insane and the club was packed AF. Kurt couldn’t get in and left before he even told me.

I went on with my night and ended it with a bang with Mr VAMPIRE.

Kurt texted at 7am;

Him: Where are you now?
Me: On the way home from supper/breakfast.

Aww that’s just too cute! I didn’t lie. I did have my supper/breakkie at the dude’s place.


The following day, we texted all day and night. Constant texting up till 5am when our eyes could no longer open. Kurt was leaving for Bangkok the next day for an indefinite amount of time as he had a company there. I figured I’ll never hear from him again.

Me: But you’re leaving tomorrow. I might never see you again!
Him: Don’t be silly, I wouldn’t be gone that long.
Me: If I knew we’d chat till 5am, I’d have dragged your ass out for supper.
Him: Coulda woulda shoulda. Back when we were kids, we would be on the phone saying, ‘you hang up’ and I’d be saying, ‘No, YOU hang up!’
Me: Yeah, modern day version would be us saying ‘bedtime’ since 3am!

Kurt was a breath of fresh air from the usual assholes I have been meeting.

Even after he arrived in Bangkok, we continued texting all the time. Kurt was a chatter and he loved sending selfies as much as I loved receiving them.

Him: *sends selfie*
Me: Awww that’s so adorable! I have the same emotions as seeing a puppy everytime I receive your selfies!
Him: You’re silly!
Me: Yeah, I can’t see the real you, so photos would have to suffice!

We chatted about every damn thing the entire time he was in Bangkok. Deep, honest conversations. The past, life mistakes, how we felt about things, issues with his partners and company, relationships, sex.

We agreed that sexual chemistry is a mysterious thing. One can be completely attracted to one another and yet there may not be any chemistry in the sack. I couldn’t agree more!

Kurt painted a picture of himself as a guy who is insecure despite his good looks. One who doesn’t do casual sex. One who had a lot of respect for women. One who was disgusted by women who needed constant male attention.

I, on the other hand gave him the impression that I USED to F around a whole lot after my break up but I did not do it anymore as I didn’t like the person I turned into. Complete bullshit. I quote myself, ‘I’m not ashamed of the things I did, but I’m not proud of it either‘. LOL!

He also seemed to genuinely care about my safety every time I was out drinking. If I did not reply, he’d continue texting till I did, asked for status updates and demands to know when I got home. As much as it was kinda creepy and possessive, it was also cute. It has been a long time since a guy actually showed that they care.

He too would send selfies when he got home after a night out;

Me: Don’t I get a selfie? I want a selfie with a voice recording telling me ‘good night Tessa *mwahhh*’
Him: *sends video of him saying good night*

With each passing day, I’d be even more smitten. Not only he’d be checking on my whereabouts, he’d constantly send videos, selfies, voice clips, things he sees, witty puns. Every. Single. Day!

Kurt was everything I ever wanted in a guy. In fact, I was so smitten, I made a bet with Phil to restrain from sex till Kurt got back! It wasn’t hard, Kurt was the only guy on my mind. I did not even bother to look at anyone else at the club.

After 25 days, he was finally coming back to KL!



Kurt got back to KL on the day of his birthday. His family flew in from Germany earlier in the week and stayed on till he got back. His two sisters would be in town 3 days later.

He invited me for drinks at a nearby bar at 11pm. The night started out bad. I contemplated going as I did not want to intrude his night and by the time Phil managed to convince me to go, I arrived at a little after 1am due to road closure and they were already planning on leaving for another bar.

I ordered a beer, finished it in record time and headed off to the next bar.

But by the time I arrived, the bar was closing!

Me: I’m here. Where are you?
Him: Stay there. We are coming down. It’s closing.
Me: WTF?! I give up! I’m going to meet Phil.

Kurt and his friend, Max from Norway joined me at our usual joint. Max was cool. He was on vacation in KL for the first time and we hit it off within the first 5 seconds.

Kurt: This is Max. I sent you his hungover photo earlier today.
Max: Nahhh I wasn’t that drunk!
Me: Don’t worry, what you don’t remember don’t count! *fist bump*

And a friendship was born. I wish I could say the same about Kurt though. As much as Kurt and I bonded a whole lot through texts, he had this air of arrogance in person and I did not particularly enjoy his crude sense of humor. He was also whining about a clingy Thai chic.

At the club however, Kurt disappeared almost immediately after I got him in, leaving Max with me. When I found Kurt at his friend’s table, he was sitting, frowning and texting. Kurt pretty much ignored me the entire night.

By the end of the night, I was drunk and raging when Kurt refused to even look up from the phone when I spoke to him.

Me: Tell Kurt to never text me again!
Max: Yeah, but what about me? I like hanging out with you!
Me: You know where to find me. I’m always here.
Kurt: Yea he doesn’t need to tell me. I can hear you loud and clear. FINE! *stomps off*

Somehow we continued a whole load of really unpleasant angry drunk texts;

“I don’t tolerate fuck boys like you. I thought you were nice, you clearly aren’t. So why would I waste anymore txts on YOU? You are just a massive waste of time! Do not text me anymore!”

Woke up to Kurt persuading me to let go of the anger, that it was all a misunderstanding.

“Here, you fell asleep to words like “don’t text me again”. You want to tell me I’m a waste of time and a “fuck boy”, as you called it, then do tell me why exactly. You’re acting on a perception under the influence… On a night out. You’ve spent hours texting with me and throw it all to the bin so easily?”

Ok, so I was drunk and raging. Perhaps I was being a total dickhead so I called it truce.


That night, we were both out. I was at an event while Kurt was out drinking with his dad and Max. He was supposed to come meet me but I was too tired to stay on.

Me: I’m really tired. Think I’m gonna head home.
Him: Take a cab here. I’ll send you home. It’s not compulsary, but it would be nice if you do. But baby, next time make sure you meet me somewhere without access to alcohol. We do have normal lives too.
Me: Ok, you sure? 
Him: Yes, come now. I’ll pay for your cab. But no fighting today OK?

I arrived at the bar just in time for them to close and headed for supper with Kurt, his dad and Max. How weird is that? Considering I was still sober, I had a lot of fun with the boys. Witty banters, crude jokes. Every now and then he’d hold my hands, look at me with all that sweetness oozing outta him.

By the time I reached home, Kurt got out of the car;

Me: What are you doing out here?
Him: We made it! No fighting today! *hugs me real tight*
Me: *melts!!*

I was on cloud nine. BUT that was as good as it was gonna get. Long story short, in the next few encounters;



I was intoxicated by the time Kurt arrived at the club. Continued drinking with Max till I was sloshed, got mega pissed off when I saw Kurt being with a girl all night and exploded at him;

Him: She is just a friend. Where are you now?
Me: My friend is sending me home.
Him: And who is your friend?
Me: An ex-F from 4 years back.
Him: You call that safe?! If he takes advantage of you, I’ll personally kill him.

We argued all night till 7am and woke up to the most embarrassing drunk texts in my history of drunk texting.



His sisters arrived. Apparently there was a miscommunication. I thought they were having the party at my usual joint, while he thought I’d be there anyway.

They ended up at a different club and never made it over as his sister was drunk and throwing a fit about wanting to fly back to Germany all because a guy did not show up.

Kurt did however call when he was leaving so I figured it was OK. I, of all people completely understand that when there is alcohol involved, things never goes according to plan.


Him: I have never asked for sex. Won’t ever. It’s chemistry.
Me: Sounds like I got friendzoned!
Him: I would never friendzone you. Too many sexual thoughts spent on you. You strike me as a lady who knows what she likes. I love that. So yes. Basically I would not say no. But I can only think until the point of doing you. Whatever happens thereafter, I do not know. Let’s cut this.. Crazy talk.
Me: You’re afraid I’d fall for you and go crazy after we F.
Him: I don’t want to not think with my dick. No. I’m afraid anything could be damaged. Maybe I totally suck for you. Never a guarantee there is chemistry.




I was anxious about meeting the sisters. I mean, his dad is a man after all and that was easy peasy. But sisters are the most protective creatures in all of realms of their precious big brother and I had to get on their good books.

I know because I AM the sister from hell to all my male buddies!

I stayed sober and somehow managed to mirror their behaviors and we got on perfectly. By the end of the night, we were giggling and talking and completely ignored Kurt who was as usual, glued to his phone, texting. By then I was on the brink of calling it a day with Kurt.

Two of my biggest pet peeves; getting stood up and people who are constantly texting when they are around other humans!

By the time I got home, Kurt texted;

Him: My sister thinks you’re the coolest chic she’s met in KL.
Me: Thank you. I think your sisters are pretty cool too, I like them. Wish I could say the same about you though.



I woke up to a reply to my last statement. About how he wasn’t feeling like himself lately due to the problems with his company. By then, his company was falling apart and his partners were kicking him out.

Worst case scenario was for him to pack up and leave for Bangkok. I was kinda shattered. I finally found a guy whom I actually liked and he was gonna bolt the country? Le sigh!

That night, I was out with a bunch of girlfriends from Jakarta. What could be better than a Girls Night Out?

Towards the end of the night, I really did want to see Kurt after my bitchy remark the night before. I was reasonably drunk and Kurt was at a bar 15 minutes away.

I got to Kurt just in time for the bar to close (AGAIN!) and he drove us back to his place where the sisters insisted I stayed the night as I was in no condition to drive myself home.

Little drunk sister was having an argument with her siblings so I ran into to Max’s room to avoid them. When Kurt saw me;

Kurt: You. Get out.
Me: *ignores, continues talking to Max*
Me: Friend to friend, you know we got along from the first 5 seconds. Kurt isn’t worth it, right? I should just jump on him tonight and call it a night?
Max: Yes. Kurt is my friend and I love him to bits.. But that would be the right thing to do.

When I finally got out,

Kurt: You can sleep anywhere you want. In the hall, with my sisters, with me.. But I do not want you in his room!

When the sisters finally got into bed, I jumped into Kurt’s bed and pounced on him.

Made out, F-ed. He is HUGE!

Size: 9/10
Performance: 6/10
Endurance: 9/10

It’s weird. After all that has happened, the sexual chemistry was close to zero!

Woke up to a smashing hangover and the sisters insisted I stayed for breakfast. I apologized for pouncing on him when I got home.

It really shouldn’t have happened. I really did want to wait for a better moment but drunk me figured it was now or never.



I was out with my friends when Max texted and wanted to join me, bitching about how the siblings were fighting yet again. Sure, why not?

I brought the 4 of them into the club and Kurt wanted to bring in another 3. I was too lazy go to back out and my girlfriend wanted to go back to the table so I told Kurt to mention the name of a VIP friend of mine. I had no idea who he brought in.

But then I couldn’t find them anymore. Kurt wasn’t responding to my calls and texts. Max finally replied informing where they were and I joined them.

There was a girl.

You know that women’s instinct that is never wrong?

She introduced herself to me, made some small talks. I noticed how Kurt was looking at us from afar while the sister sat right in front of us watching our conversation with the ‘Oh SHIT!’ expression.

And so I pulled the smoothest line ever.

Me: Babe.. there are so many hot guys here tonight!
Her: Yeah, I know right! But I can’t. I’m here with a guy.
Me: Oh which one?
Her: Him *points at Kurt*
Me: Oh Kurt?
Her: Yup. But it’s nothing official. It’s still in progress.. Are you here with anyone?
Me: No babe.

I walked up to Max and told him how I couldn’t believe that Kurt had the balls to ask me to bring in a girl he was fucking. All Max could mutter was, “What did you expect from a guy who F’s around? I told you so!



Kurt and I argued the entire day.

Him denying, and me accusing. Eventually I ignored him after I saw the photos Max uploaded on Facebook. It was the night of Kurt’s birthday bash and that girl was there. There were no miscommunication, he simply threw me aside because she was there! I stalked her Facebook and it said she got into a relationship on the day we F-ed!

Yes, Kurt and I were not dating. We weren’t even F-Buds. But what he did was sheer disrespect!

That night, AARON was out at the club and I burst into tears when he hugged me. There were no drunk misunderstandings either. Drunk Max confirmed that Kurt was not worth another second of my time and that he was indeed F-ing around all over the globe as I was bawling my eyes out.

Aaron: What is wrong with you? Talk to me Tess! I’ve never seen you like this!
Me: *continues weeping*
Aaron: Watch me dance! *dances like an idiot that usually gets me laughing*
Me: *shakes head*
Aaron: Want a beer? Come, I’ll get you a guy to F!
Me: No!
Aaron: Ok, I’ll F you then!
Me: *burst into laughter*
Aaron: See, I knew that’s what you wanted!

I drunk cried all night and ended up in bed, cuddling Aaron to sleep. Aaron was in total shock at my emotional state and it was nice receiving some affection from someone whom I actually care about, even if it was just for a night.


The next day, I met up with SETH. I told him the story. Yes, Seth. The love of my life who is going to disappear from my life for good in a couple of weeks.

Seth: You are a F-ing disgrace to all the F-ers out there. You F around. I F around. You can’t spot a F-er like him? You ignored all the signs and believed his bullshit! 

I spent the entire day from 2pm till 10pm with Seth. He pampered me with everything I wanted, listened to me whine all day. Lunch, coffee, dinner, petrol.. He paid for everything. When I sent Seth home that night;

Seth: Forget that idiot. Ignore him. You deserve so much better. Does he know you? Does he care about you? Did he even spend half as much as what I did on you, JUST today? AND I am not even trying to F you!

Seth had a point. That dude doesn’t even care.


But Kurt was still texting and I stupidly continued to reply though very much jaded. Kurt insisted that the girl meant nothing and that she even told him he wasn’t what she was looking for and that she’s in a relationship with someone else.

Him: I don’t consider you a CHICK. You have been meaning a lot to me. Maybe I shouldn’t have explored the physical side of us, but that doesn’t mean you’re just a puppet to me.
Me: You seem really against the word CHICK. Well then, give me your definition of chick.
Him: Chick is a pretty little meaningless thing. Replaceable and nonsensical. I wouldn’t bother texting with you now if you were merely a chick.

By the end of the week, I was so thoroughly mind F-ed that I couldn’t think logically anymore. My girlfriends were concerned, “Why don’t you just text her? What do you have to lose? If she says they’re dating, at least you know the truth!”

So I went on to a whole new level of bat shit crazy and texted the girl. I’ve nothing to lose, well, except for my dignity that is!

Me: Babe so.. What’s up with you and Kurt? I think we deserve to know the truth about him.
Her: Me and him? We are dating. Why dear?
Me: The day I met you, I F-ed him 2 days back. Sorry I have to break it to you. He’s telling me that there’s nothing between you guys.
Her: Oh okay no worries… We dont even been so deep in that time. So I dont mind whats the past. We are dating now
Me: Cool. I’ll get out of your way then.

Yes. She speaks horrible English. I cannot even begin to understand how a grammar Nazi like Kurt could tolerate something like that.

15 minutes after that exchange, Kurt texted, picking a fight but all I could say was, “I don’t value compulsive liars. Go on with your life. You and I have never crossed paths”.


Kurt texted again with some lame question about a mutual friend. I ignored him. Kurt had officially became just another guy, from another week, at another club. Another one of those lousy F’s who entered my ignore list.

Or could it be because HUGO texted at the very same time? I’ll leave that for another post if anything ever blossoms!



After all of the above, Kurt contacted me after a month and we continued texting as usual with me going all gaga over him. Eventually found out that he was dating someone regularly and told him to let me go.

Me: I promise that one day we will be friends. Pure platonic friends, maybe even BFFs where I would not try to get in your pants or be a crazy pain in your ass (I’m always spoilt by friends, so maybe in different ways then!). And we can look back and laugh at all these crazies, or bury it altogether. Soon, but not today. In order to get there, I really need you to stop texting me. It hurts like a bitch everytime you do. Hurts that I will never mean anything to you. I’m sorry, I never intended to feel this way or behave like a lunatic. I hope you understand that I want to and I really need time to get over you. It’s better that way.
Him: Was that like one final statement to me and now you no talk to me anymore? I don’t get a say in this?

Kurt continued texting me every day for a week even though I refused to reply. Then it slowed down to once a month. By the third month;

Him: TESSA! I am annoyed not being able to talk to you, ignorant biaaatch. I miss you. Okay.. Bye. For the next few months. Hate you!

By then I figured I didn’t hold no grudge or be emotionally damaged anymore so I replied and the rest is history.

Kurt had been my best guy friend, always being there for me through all my ups and downs. Strangely, he is the only person who manages to calm all my crazy. The irony, considering he had been the reason for most of my crazies back then. His patience is golden and I really would not change a thing that had happened. I love him to bits as my bestie.


VERDICT: FUCK BOYS. They are the lowest scum of the human population. Honestly, you can F me, but DO NOT F with my head!