The House Mate

I’d like to think of myself as a sentimental person. I think of my old F’s, ex-boyfriends from time to time but it is no biggie considering I’m still friends with (almost) all of them. I could just pick up the phone and text them at any given time. Or stalk them on Facebook.

I thought of HUGO today and did a Google search to see how he was doing. He wasn’t on Facebook anymore. He has not logged into OKCupid for more than a year. What I did find was his TripAdvisor reviews for his recent vacays with his girlfriend.

Ouch. I could only imagine them F-ing all day long in their 5-star suite.

I wonder if I ever cross his mind. I know my ex-F’s and ex-boyfriends randomly sends me photos of things that reminded them of me.


Two nights back, my ex F-Bud, AARON texted me at 4am when he couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t a booty call. He has a girlfriend and we are just good friends now.

I finally admitted to Aaron what happened 2 months back.

Me: I’m about to sleep but I’ll entertain you with a bedtime story. 
Aaron: Okay?
Me: Remember when I stayed over that night and couldn’t sleep?
Aaron: Yeah. You F-ed Sam?!!

Name: SAM
Origin: Iran
Ethnicity: Persian
Height: 5″10. Buff
First impression: Asshole
Age: 6 years younger

I met Sam at the same time as Aaron more than a year back. They were house mates and were everywhere together.

Sam hooked up with Jane, one of the girls I hung out with soon after.

I pretty much hated his guts from that moment. Jane would be sobbing in the club, complaining bout how Sam was cheating on her, ignoring her. He was such a pain in my ass that I even got him thrown out of the VIP once.

But when I started hooking up with Aaron, it wasn’t an option if I wanted to be near Sam or not. He was just there. Like all the F-ing time.

I never saw Sam as hot. Sure he was good looking and had a muscular, lean body but I was never attracted.



I was out with Aaron and his brother, hooking them up with a place to rent. Yes, that is my job. We had some time to kill so we dropped by their place before heading out for the next viewing.

The look of shock on Sam’s face when he saw me at their place was priceless! I haven’t been there since Aaron and I stopped F-ing half a year back.

I was chasing the very hyperactive kitten all over the house when I walked past Aaron’s room.

The door was open and Sam was ironing his shirt on the bed.


Sam looked amazing with those huge biceps and washboard abs on display. He looked like he was in the midst of a photoshoot!

His body is even better!

His body is even better!

All I could think was, “Stop F-ing staring! Go play with the kitten!

We left soon after Sam did.

After dinner, Aaron’s brother wanted to grab some drinks but Aaron insisted on going home to be on the phone with his girlfriend.

A’s Bro: Wanna come over and hang out? It’s been awhile. You can play with the kitten!
Me: Err.. Sure. But how am I getting home after?
Aaron: I’ll send you home in the morning when I go to work.

When we got back to their place, Sam was in Aaron’s room playing Dota on the PC. Topless.

Oh God. He changed his work out routine and.. His body! He grew a beard. Got really tanned. I was very very attracted!

I’d usually be hanging out with Aaron, but he was on the phone in Sam’s room and I had absolutely nothing to do. Pretty much planted my ass next to Sam yabbering away about Tinder and random drunk nights with the boys.

I paid Sam more attention than I usually do and I’m pretty sure he was aware of it.

But when Aaron came back to his room, the boys left and I was stuck with just the 2 of us.

Aaron: What do you wanna do? Wanna watch a movie?
Me: Sure, why not?

I was contemplating if I should get Sam’s ass back into the room. But if I did that, Aaron would know what I was up to.

Me: I’m sorry but there is no way I would be able to sleep with all these on. It’s nothing you’ve never seen before anyway *strips off shorts and bra*
Aaron: Do what ever you want.

I fell asleep 10 minutes into the movie.

Aaron stripped down to his underwear and joined me in bed but I woke up from all the commotions. When I went out to get some water, I noticed Sam’s lights were still on.

Aaron and I chatted till he was about to doze off when I decided it’s finally time to sneak a peek at Sam.

Me: *puts on shorts*
Aaron: Where are you going again?
Me: Water!
Aaron: You just took water!
Me: I’m getting MORE water!


The lights in Sam’s room were on and his door was left slightly open. That’s new to me. His room was always tightly shut.

Me: *peeks inside* You’re still awake!
Sam: Yup! Uninstalling some stuff.
Me: I can’t sleep!
Sam: Of course you can’t *points and laughs at my crazy hair*
Me: Oh no no! I did not F Aaron!
Sam: I’m hungry! Wanna eat?

So Sam made me some bread with awesome Arabian cheese spread (which I’m still looking for every time I’m at the mall), sat around for a smoke and hunted down alcohol all over the house before we decided that doing shots would not be such a great idea!

Sam: Wanna watch a movie?
Me: Sure, why not?

We watched Ace Ventura. Initially we were watching it on his desk. Sam turned the air conditioning on so cold, no sane person could possibly survive in there.

Sam: Are you cold? *holds blanket over me and kept his arm on my shoulders*
Me: My ass hurts though. Do you usually watch movies like that?
Sam: No, actually.. *puts laptop on the chair and moved to the bed*

Sam spread his arms out wide but it moved it aside.

Half way through the movie, Sam pulled me over and cuddled me, stroking my arms.


Oh shit. Oh F. What am I doing?!

5 minutes before the movie was to end, my mind started racing;

  • What should I do?
  • Should I F him?
  • What if Aaron woke up in the middle of the night and found me gone?
  • What if I fell asleep in his room and Aaron finds me there in the morning?
  • What if Jane finds out about this?
  • What would Aaron think of this?

I jumped up as soon as the movie ended and lighted up a cigarette. We chatted for a bit and Sam looked like he was gonna dive in for a kiss any moment now.

F my life! Decide NOW!!“, I thought to myself.

Me: I’m hungry. Let’s make more bread!
Sam: *makes bread*
Me: You’re not eating?
Sam: No I’m on a diet *lifts up shirt*
Me: Where are the abs?
Sam: *lifts up shirt again and flexes*

Ah there it is! So he was flexing every inch of his body while ironing his shirt earlier! I knew it! I knew he did it on purpose!

We sat at the couch for another cigarette.

Sam: So you and Aaron..
Me: We stopped F-ing for a long time now.
Sam: How come?
Me: I don’t know. We just did. He’s got a girlfriend now anyway.
Sam: Are you guys gonna F again? *leans closer*
Me: I doubt it.. OMG it’s 4am! Bed time! *runs back into Aaron’s room*

I woke up feeling all sorts of F-ed up.

Sure I did not F Sam. Jane was no longer dating Sam and I was no longer F-ing Aaron. But it would be just.. weird!



Me: You didn’t know this?
Aaron: Booo! Nooo I thought you guys banged! Damn that was interesting!
Me: Common I’m not so horrible! I know you expected the end of the story to be that I F-ed him. But that would be.. Sick?
Aaron: Yea. No you are not. And yes that would be kinda weird! Why didn’t you tell me?
Me: I don’t know. I was.. embarassed? But now it’s just funny.
Aaron: Don’t worry, you don’t have to see him again.


VERDICT: Be careful who you make memories with. Those things can last a lifetime!



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