On Getting/Keeping A Guy

I have read many relationship self help books in my string of decade long continuous monogamous relationships. From Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus to Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps to Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman to Why Men Marry Bitches. While there are a whole lot of truth to how relationships works in these books, none of them really had an appeal to me. I already behave like a man. I didn’t really need a book telling me how the men’s brains were wired. I just couldn’t figure out why assholes behaved the way they did and I was more than anything drawn to them.

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I was particularly amazed when I read Neil Strauss’ The Game. It was an insight in to the world of pick up artists. An eye opener it was. As much as they objectified women, they managed to cultivate a whole lot of techniques that really did work. Yes, it’s all about looking good to feel good in order to have the confidence to approach women with their sets of seduction techniques and (shocker!) attacking women’s insecurities and have them to seek for the men’s approval. They didn’t even need charms and wits!

Negging as they call it. I’ve had guys do it to me from time to time. Please ladies, why fall into the trap? Roll your eyes at them and eventually they’d be seeking YOUR approval!

Just over the weekend as I insisted that Christy had to read The Game, I wondered if there were any books on female pick up artists (or if they even exist!). I mean, it can’t be us girls just sitting around at bars waiting to be picked up by them men, right?

A simple Google search on ‘female pick up artist’ brought me straight to Arden Leigh, a seductress, former pro dominatrix who now runs a seduction forum coaching women to not sit around by the bar waiting for prince charming to stride along but to go out and get what you want.

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Ahh finally a book that reads my mind! Maybe we are just wired differently from some girls who preferred to be the damsel in distress. If I see what I liked, I’d go for it. Something Christy objects to in our everyday conversation.

Christy: But he didn’t show any interest!
Me: Don’t you think you should make him be interested in you? You can’t expect him to be interested based on just your looks!

It felt like Arden Leigh’s The New Rules of Attraction pretty much articulated all my thoughts about relationship and men into a book and spiced it up with her life as a dominatrix.

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She spoke of how one should create their own persona and stand out among the crowd. Where Arden goes all out to be the best dressed at an event, I choose to stand out by just being under dressed. No, you don’t go out in flip flops and pyjamas. I’m all about less is more and that nothing gives you more confidence than when you’re feeling the most at ease and that is my persona.

On days I’m out at a club and not being particularly in the mood, I’d observe. There would be girls dolled up to the core with six inch heels holding a glass of champagne sitting/standing by the side and there would be the fun girl right at the top of the podium just doing her thing not giving two F’s about the world, dressed down in flats. Guess who nabs the guy? It has happened to me too. Them men notice when you’re having a good time and they want to be a part of that.

Now I’m no pick up artist nor am I a seductress. I am definitely no where as gorgeous as Arden Leigh is. But I get my guys. By the time I reached the end of the book, I realized only one thing. It’s not that I can’t get a guy. I can’t find a guy I actually want to say, “F the MMA fighters or English accents or A&F/Men’s Health models, all I want is you!“.

Want, not need. I’ve always told my boyfriends, “I want to be with you cause it makes me happy and if the relationship does not make me feel that way then there is no reason why I need you in my life

A couple of days before I picked up the book, Christy argued that I never gave enough time to get to know a guy. I truly believe that you can always tell a man’s personality after he cums. He is relaxed and he is himself because there is no need to impress anymore. If he’s nice, he’s genuinely nice. If he’s the serious kinda guy, it’ll show too and Arden confirmed that theory in her book. Not just men, it applies to me too (can’t speak for other women out there though).

Picking a guy based on a glimpse of his personality might sound shallow but hear me out. Chemistry and compatibility is something that cannot be forced. If it’s there, it’s there. If you don’t fancy a grumpy guy who seemingly feels like the world owes him an apology, then why pursue it? I personally love them silly dorky ones whose loud, witty and full of energy. There was no way I can settle for one who’s brooding his life away!

In the past 1.5 years I have been single, I went on dates with 13 different men. Some I went on a date just to get into their pants, some I lost interest after just one date. FINN lasted a couple of dates but I didn’t like his personality enough to want a relationship. It was only SETH and AARON whom I was obsessed with and even with the two of them, I didn’t want a relationship. As much as our chemistry was unmistakable and I loved their personality, Seth is everything but loyal while Aaron is a junkie, pothead and always, always drunk. I’m past the phase of trying to fix men.

 

VERDICT: Don’t pick a guy to spend your life with just because he is available or good looking. Go after what you want but there NEED to be chemistry, compatibility and sexual attraction. Don’t settle for less than what you think you deserve!

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The Walk Of Shame

Throwback to Friday night. Christy and I were getting ready to hit the town..

Me: When was the last you got laid?
Her: *checks period tracker app* A month..
Me: It feels like FOREVER since I got laid!
Her: Don’t be dramatic. It has only been 2 weeks since ASHTON.
Me: Really? Feels like a month at the very least! I NEED to get laid tonight!

After a whole cocktail of drinks, I was ready to hunt down the man of my night.

We made a beeline to the podium and I spotted him across the dance floor, in front of another podium.

Me: *points at the dude* I want him! What do you think?
GF: Yeah he’s pretty hot. Totally your type!
Me: *jumps off the podium, wiggles my way to the other podium and jumps right up*

Our eyes met and I motioned him to come closer as I continued dancing.

It didn’t take me long before I got off the podium to examine my catch.

Name: LUCAS
Origin: France
Ethnicity: French
Height: 6’3. Buffed
First impression: HUGE
Age: 2 years younger

Turns out Lucas is a popular MMA fighter and trainer who won many fights all over the world and just moved to KL 2 weeks back. I have been wanting to F an MMA fighter for ages!

Lucas is much better looking

 

We grinded to the beat and when Lucas grabbed my ass as we danced, I took it as a cue that it was my turn to do some groping.

I felt him out from under his shirt; Good looks, checked. Solid body, checked. Sexy full sleeve tattoo, checked. I rammed my hands into his pants. Satisfactory size, CHECKED.

We left the club not long after at about 5am. Well at least I got one part right. You see, bad experience had taught me to never buy a car without a test drive. Too many times I end up in bed with a hunk thinking I striked jackpot only to be disappointed as soon as I unbutton his pants.

But then again, with drunken hook ups, only so many things could go right.

Lucas’ friend dropped us back to his place. Lucas lived alone in a 2 bedroom dumpster of an apartment. The toilet was disgusting. The kitchen looked like it was falling apart. No air conditioning..

Him: I’m sorry this place is horrible. It’s temporary.
Me: It’s not that bad *jumps on the couch*
Him: No no no.. You don’t wanna sit there. You’ll get all itchy after. Come into the room!

Fine.

He stripped and WOW! He is HUGE!! The 3 hands long kinda huge. 8 inches!

The F was pretty damn awesome too. Lucas nailed everything from choking to slapping to hair grabbing to spanking. Cuddled to sleep.

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I woke up scratching my toe with the sun blaring in at 9am. When I rolled over;

Him: You’re moving too much. I can’t sleep.
Me: Ok, I’ll leave. What’s the name of this place? I’ll call an Uber.
Him: I have no idea. You can ask the guards down there.
Me: Seriously?

Dressed up. Walked out half asleep, itching all over..

There were no F-ing Uber in the area! Just F-ing great!

I walked to the nearest eatery, ordered some food and while impatiently poking on the Uber app continuously, I realized that it’s not bad luck when I don’t follow Phil home but the fact that drunken hook ups always turn out to be a disaster. Here are some obvious reasons why;

  1. When ever you fall asleep, you will almost always overstay your welcome.
  2. Unless you packed make up remover and make up, you WILL most certainly look like a raccoon the truck ran over. To make matters worse, my hair tie broke and my hair was the ultimate mess.
  3. Your clothes says it all. You never went home.
  4. You would most likely have no idea where you are.
  5. Feeling like you could sleep for 2 weeks. You won’t have enough sleep and the hangover definitely doesn’t help.
  6. Most times you won’t have enough cash to grab a cab. I most certainly would not be asking the dude for cab fare!
  7. You will have memory gaps of the awesome fuck. I prefer to remember every tiny detail.
  8. You’ll be feeling guilty for having your friends be worried sick about you for leaving with a stranger. Every. Single. Time
  9. You’ll never know if you picked up a serial rapist/killer/get gang raped!

Bonus points

  • I’ve got bed bug bites all over! 12 bug bites to be exact!
  • I waited at least 30 minutes for an Uber to come around and it took the driver an hour, circling around where I was before he finally found me.

I left Lucas’ place at 9am-ish and only manage to land on my bed after 11am! The sex definitely isn’t worth the hassle and the F-ing bed bugs!

I always wondered why I feel like crap after certain one nighters. I am now certain it’s all cause of a drunken hook-up from the club.

Every single booty call I go to completely sober had been PERFECT. Here are some reasons why;

  1. You know for sure you want to F him. In fact, you have been dying to F him for days/weeks/months!
  2. You can decide if you want to go to his part of the city.
  3. You’ll be driving and hence you’ll be able to leave at any given time. No need to wait around for cabs/Ubers.
  4. You’re sober. You’ll remember every detail.
  5. You’re sober. No hangovers! Yay!
  6. Most times, you’ll continue being friends with these dudes because you actually had decent conversations before and during the booty call instead of mere drunk introductions and jumping straight into bed.
  7. And because of that, both parties would at least know a little bit about each other hence having a better time together.
  8. Besides your after sex hair, you still look pretty damn good!
  9. After every successful booty call, I drive home with that happy after sex glow that lasts for days.

Cons for a sober booty call? NONE!

 

UPDATE 28 June 2015

2 weeks after The Walk of Shame, Lucas texted and we chatted for a bit. We met up at a budget hotel near his area the next day. The F was satisfactory and he asked me to stay the night where I politely declined. We did however spend quite some time just chatting on the bed with no intention for another round of F-ing. He asked me out the next day and the day after that.

He wanted a companion and I wasn’t up for it. He reeked bad vibes. He was full of anger and hatred for everything around him. His Facebook updates were rants about how sad humanity was. Plus I wasn’t going to make a relationship out of a one nighter where I’d have to prove to him for the rest of the time together that I haven’t already slept with every hot guy in KL.

 

VERDICT: Want a good after sex experience? Do it sober! Get his digits and decide if you still wanna F him the day after. I don’t know about you but after my realization 2 days back, I’ve decided I’m done with drunken hook ups!