Friday night was a mess.
After one too many whiskeys, I was incredibly mad at Aaron who bailed on meeting me at our usual joint.
Me: Where are you?!
Him: I can’t come I’m wasted! *sends image of blowjobs shots*
Me: You were wasted two hours ago. COME!
Him: My brother is driving and he is sending me home.
Me: Tell him that if he doesn’t turn up, I’ll never bring you guys in for free again.
Him: Really? Fine!
After a couple more champagnes, I was drunk dancing on the sofa when I saw Phil talking to a guy. I immediately jumped in front of them.
Height: 6″. Buff
First impression: BICEPS!
Age: 8 years younger
Phil introduced us and we hit it off immediately. When I say hit it off, what I really meant was that we danced and made out and made small meaningless talks.
By 5am, I left with Buck.
When we got into the cab, Buck’s friend entered with us and I was immediately drawn to his accent before I even got a glimpse of his face.
Me: Where are you from? I love your accent!
Him: Why does it matter where I’m from. All that matters is where Buck is from!
Height: 5″10. Lean
First impression: Asshole
Age: 4 years younger
We headed to their friend’s place for more drinks.
Glenn was a talking machine. He talks without the need to breathe and his accent just killed me.
Me: *asks random question about him*
Glenn: You don’t need to know anything about me. I’m a myth. You won’t know I exist when we leave this place.
Glenn is the biggest asshole I have ever met. Self absorbed, cocky, sarcastic, insulting.. but he was also very charismatic, charming, funny and flirty. Need I remind you that I’m absolutely drawn to self centered assholes? Personality aside, Glenn was pretty good looking with killer abs!
I was cuddled up on the sofa with Buck but after an hour I decided I was in love with Glenn and got my ass off Buck.
For the rest of the morning, I sat on the single seater opposite Glenn watching him talk, occasionally throwing insults back at him while eye F-ing him the entire time.
I was literally giving him the come F me eyes and he knew it. His insults were getting more sexual as time went on and his eyes never left mine.
Me: Don’t you need to breathe in between talking? You’re so F-ing noisy!
Glenn: Baby, I’m a Demigod. Don’t pretend you’re not turned on by my accent.
Me: Geezzz.. You’re the biggest asshole I have ever met!
Glenn: And you know you like it *stares at me with pure intensity*
Every time Buck tried to cuddle up near me, I’d jump straight up to light a cigarette, get more beers or be seated elsewhere.
As I snatched the pillow off Glenn, he retaliated but went all, “You’re so blardy annoying, you’re lucky I have a soft spot for you.”
Eventually I decided to stop being a pussy and make an actual move on Glenn after all the eye F-ing. It was not his place to make a move on his buddy’s girl anyways. I was pretty damn sure the attraction/feeling/lust was mutual!
After a whole lot more insulting flirts, I planted myself next to him on the sofa. Just then, a girlfriend of mine texted and I replied her with, ‘I came back with a guy but I so wanna F his friend. That English accent is too sexy!’
And I did the bravest thing ever!
Me: Dude, check this out! *shows him my reply to my girlfriend*
Glenn: Wait, what? I can’t see.. Ahh..
Me: *shows him my dialpad for his number*
Glenn: I can’t remember my number *passes me his phone to call my own*
Glenn immediately texted me on Whatsapp;
Him: Yo! What’s happening?
Me: You tell me
Him: I’m gonna F you today
Me: You sure that’s a good idea?
Me: Your friend would be pissed
Him: Tell him
Me: No way!
Glenn and I continued to text while we sat next to or opposite one another. One of their friends noticed the weirdness going on and I overheard him asking Glenn why was he being such a prick to Buck. It was pretty damn hilarious!
By 9am, Buck tried his luck with me on the single seater again..
Glenn: Get your ass off that woman, she’s mine!
Buck: Right, thanks for stating the obvious mate!
Glenn, Buck and I left for Glenn’s place at about 9.30am but got stuck outside for the longest time while the management tore down his gate and the boys kicked the door open cause Glenn lost his keys.
When we finally got in, Buck pretty much tried everything he could to seduce me. Spanking my ass while I cooked eggs, taking off his shirt, flexing his muscles..
Eventually I figured that at the rate things were going, there was no way I was going to get laid and decided to make a move to meet Christy for lunch.
After alot of arguing about me leaving, we agreed that I would come back after lunch and Glenn gave me MYR50 to bring back some beers.
Glenn texted as soon as I left;
Him: Why do you have to go meet your friend?
Me: Cause she just broke up and slept with a stranger. She don’t usually sleep around but she did today and she feels like crap about it. I already left her last night, I can’t leave her alone now!
Him: Ok, promise you’ll come back!
Me: Yes I will. I’d prefer if you send Buck home though.
Him: I will
Long story short, after lunch at about 3pm I begged Christy to send me back to Glenn’s, was too tired to even move (I had been drinking from 12am till 9.30am and haven’t had a wink of sleep) and we talked for 2 hours till his friend came over and I left for home at 6pm. And yes, Glenn told Buck to go home to get some rest.
While waiting for my ride at the lobby, I texted Todd;
Me: What you up to tonight?
Todd: Nothing. What do you have in mind?
Me: More like where do you have in mind..
But we’ll leave that for another post 🙂
Although I did not F either one of the boys, I had an epic night. This would definitely be something I’d remember for the rest of my life.
I do wonder what would have happened if I didn’t leave for lunch. Would I have had a threesome? Would Glenn have been an awesome F?
Yes, I was an absolute asshole. Slut.. asshole, whatever. Same difference!
VERDICT: Everytime girls go ‘OMG his French accent is so sexy!‘, I’d wonder how could an accent be sexy when you could hardly understand a word that’s coming out of their mouths. Turns out I’m totally into the English accent!