The Anaconda

I must say in the myriads of almost-sex and bad sex, what happened in this entry is by far the worst sex I have ever had!

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It is only now that I’m freshly and happily F-ed that I’m in the mood to update on my recent promiscuity.

Although Finn had pissed me off, he had also been apologetic and very persistent.. and I for one could never turn down good sex. I mean common, to find a guy who loves to pleasure and act on your every demand in the sack is just about as rare as finding a potential boyfriend!

And the fact that I have not gotten any (good) action in 2 months (other than Mr Anaconda) had me caving in to Finn’s persistence. Read about Finn HERE: Part 1 and Part 2

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One almost-sex happened about a month back when I spotted this uber bad ass looking English dude with a body to die for with both arms filled with tattoos. We made out and I followed him back to his hostel only to find out that no additional guests were allowed and the hotel in the nearby vicinity was fully booked.

The dude literally puppy-eyed me and told me to stay the night and go hotel hunting cause he would never see me again. Such a major turn off! I pretty much ignored and shoo-ed him back to his hostel.

Second in line was on New Year’s Eve when we walked into a bunch of topless ripped dudes taking a photo at our usual joint. I immediately drunkenly decided to take the opportunity to get a photo with them.

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There was BuffDude, a 6″2 fitness trainer who had the body of a God. But HotDude, a Persian model who was more on the lean side started hitting on me.

HotDude: You know you need to pay to take photos like this with us?
Me: Oh how should I pay you?
HotDude: With kisses..

.. and he bends to kiss me. We exchanged numbers but I didn’t follow him home cause of Mr Anaconda. The next day, we texted. But he was boooorringg!!

In the next week, I matched with BuffDude on Tinder. He was way more interesting and we were headed to the same pool party that weekend. Needless to say, he kept me well entertained the entire night (cause Christy refused to go anywhere near the water) and we made out a little.

BuffDude was yet another almost-sex because I wanted to continue partying with my friends instead of going home with him. The next day, HotDude started arguing with Christy over Facebook which led me to think that only a bunch of douche would be hanging out together. BuffDude is now history.

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So back to Mr Anaconda. A week before NYE, I was introduced to him.

Name: HUGH
Origin: Holland
Ethnicity: Dutch-Middle Eastern
Height: 6″6. Lean
First impression: Tall. Very tall
Age: 3-4 years younger

Hugh aka Mr Anaconda is a footballer and a trainer, I looked like a midget next to him at 5″ flat, even with heels on! I was not interested till Christy came to me and said, “You know, that over there is his ex-girlfriend. She said he has a gigantic dick!“.

Oh wow! I was intrigued! I mean common, at that height, if Hugh was at all proportioned, it has to be quite a package.

I started flirting with Hugh a little and next thing I knew, we were at the corner of the dance floor making out with my hands down his pants. It was MASSIVE even when it wasn’t a 100% hard on!

It was the time of the month. We exchanged numbers but I didn’t follow Hugh home.

We texted over the week but as my memory of his massive D started to dissipate, so did my interest.

I wasn’t at all attracted to him physically above the belt, other than his solid abs so yeah, by now you would realize that it takes A LOT more for me to be attracted by one’s personality.

On NYE however, he somehow found me in my intoxicated state and I just felt like, why not? He was already in my face, literally. I might as well get the curiosity over with.

We left in his car with his drunk not-hot cousin who failed to take a girl back with him cause her friend did not want her to spend NYE apart. Pity, she looked like genuinely wanted to leave with him.

I thought we were headed back to his home, but no! We ended up in some budget hotel. At that point I was so tired I couldn’t give a F till I realized that we were going to be sharing a room with Cousin!!

They took turns to freshen up before bed, and when Cousin was sound asleep, snoring away, we started making out under the sheets.

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Him: Tell me what do you want? Do you want a threesome? I could wake him up..
Me: No
Him: You don’t like threesomes?
Me: Just not with him!

I have never had a threesome and I am so up for one with Mack and his insanely hot brother. Top of my sex bucket list would definitely be to have a threesome with hot twins. But twins are hard to come by, let alone hot ones so I guess hot brothers would suffice! Read about Mack HERE.

Anyways, long story short, it wasn’t that having sex with Cousin sleeping in the same room that was horrifying but the monster of a D and extreme roughness that had me begging him to stop to no avail. It hurts and it hurts really, really, reallyyyyyy bad! It was not even a milisecond of pleasure!

I’m guessing that’s what being raped would feel like. I was in pain for the next 2 days!

Hugh tried cuddling me to sleep after only to have me push him off and rolled over to text Pablo who was 7 hours behind all the way in Spain and had just counted down to 2015. I started being all emotional about how I pushed him away a year back and how much I wish he was still back here in KL.

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We texted till I was sure Hugh had fallen asleep when I decided to collect my stuff and head home. I didn’t need to wake up for Round 2 of Monster D and a possibility of an ugly threesome.

Oh and as much as I always laughed at how girls would forget their undies in movies, I understand now. I forgot my bra. And it was one of my favorites!

As for Pablo and I, we are still texting and sexting with me occasionally pissing him off. Oh well, timing is a bitch. If I had met him now, we’d be in a relationship and F-ing like bunnies everyday. But with him so far away, I’m not sure why we even bother at all. Read about Pablo HERE.

 

VERDICT: Moderation. Extremes are never good. Too big, too rough can only equal to TOO MUCH PAIN!

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