My past many posts were about my awesome shags or bad drunken decisions. I’m not sure why I’m posting this; Perhaps I want to get it out of my system. Or maybe I just wanted to show that I still have emotions hidden somewhere inside of me.
Seth and I had started out as a F-buddies whom I started dating casually. We were also co-agents and eventually, it was like we were in an open relationship. Our friendship blossomed through out the months and even after we stopped F-ing, we confided in one another. Our relationship evolved into such a weird place that it could no longer be defined.
Read about Seth HERE.
When it all ended, we continued hanging out as friends. Seth was always there for me be it for work or my many boy-dramas. He always had a word of advice. Though at times he would take forever to reply my texts;
Me: *rant rant rant*
Him: *goes online but doesn’t reply*
Me: Jendeh! Don’t ignore me, I can see you online!
Him: Jende I’m out drinking right now and you’re talking about Fifty Shades of Grey? *sends a video of him in a bar*
NOTE: Jende means bitch in Persian. That’s pretty much what we call each other ever since I learnt the word.
Months came and went. Although we partied together occasionally, Seth always sent me home when the night ended. Perhaps it was cause I never gave the vibe that I still wanted to sleep with him, or maybe he was just done with F-ing me. I was dying to get into his pants but I didn’t want to ruin things.
It came to a point where I did not want to see him anymore for the fear of getting hurt. Clearly I had developed feelings for Seth.
2-3 MONTHS BACK
One night as I was about to enter the club, Seth texted. He called when I refused to reply and told me that he was there too and so I brought him in with me.
Seth stood right beside me the whole time, keeping me entertained and never left my side to pick up the many hot chics available that night. I was amazed. He even started flirting and dancing with me. It was something that did not happen since the first time we partied together.
A girl walked past and I pointed her out to Seth.
Me: I don’t like her. She’s really annoying.
Me: She’s got no friends here. Always bugging us to drink and dance with her. I just don’t like her.
Seth did not bother with her.
But later on that night, she came up to Seth and started chatting him up. I was tipsy and annoyed but Christy dragged me off to the dance floor before I could do anything about it. I went up to the podium where I had the perfect view of them. I saw them exchanging numbers and made out a little.
Seth has a habit of ignoring the girls after he has gotten their number. It’s like he collects their digits to keep himself entertained when he has nothing to do so what ever they were up to, it did not bother me one bit cause I know at the end of the night he would always send me home.. and when he sends me home, he would never put another girl in the car with me.
When I got back to the table, Seth started dancing with me. After a minute, the chic dragged him away from me.
I was furious!
Never in my 10 years of partying has a girl ever took MY guy away from me. At that point of time, I just did not want to deal with it and left for another room (where I found and made out with this madly adorable French mixed Brazilian dude and totally forgot about the incident with Seth).
I wasn’t as pissed with Seth as I was with the girl. I had afterall done the same to Seth with Pier but who is she to take him away from me? Read about Pier HERE.
SOME WEEKS LATER
It was 2 days before the day I was to celebrate my birthday and we had a club launch to attend. I invited Seth.
Him: I’ll come, but I have to leave by 1am.
Him: Because I gotta be up at 6am for my Master’s graduation!
Me: OK fine. Come pick me at 10.30pm
Me: See that girl? This is awkward. I made out with her ex-boyfriend and she found out.
Him: *points* That girl? Come lets go to the bar, I’ll buy you a bucket of beer for your birthday.
Me: OK. I also F-ed him but she doesn’t know. Now I’m invisible to her.
Him: Do you want me to F her so you guys would be even? *smirks*
Me: Don’t you F-ing dare!!
By the time we were done with the beers, Phil and the rest of them were dead beat bored. Though it was already 12.30am, I managed to convince Seth to come to our usual club with us.
I was highly intoxicated as the night went by and started being unreasonable when he wanted to leave. Eventually he left at 2.30am. I was pissed but too drunk to care.
2 DAYS LATER
It was the day I was celebrating my birthday and I texted him in the afternoon;
Me: You coming for my birthday tonight?
Him: Yes 98%
Me: Where’s the 2%?!!
Him: If I die.
I was smiling from ear to ear. But I woke up to his texts later in the evening after a nap;
Him: Can you get another guestlist for my girlfriend?
Me: No. I don’t have enough. Why don’t you just stay home with her.
Him: Then I’ll just pay for cover charge. Is that OK?
Me: No. I don’t need any more girls.
Him: It’s just this one time that I want to bring a girl with me.
Me: And you choose to do so on my birthday? You got an option to stay home with her or go to other parts of the club.
Him: It’s not gonna make any difference!
Me: Are you trying to annoy me on purpose? You know damn well that I like you although I don’t do anything about it. I enjoy hanging out with you that’s why I invited you. I do not need to see you with a girl on my birthday. If you don’t like what I said, feel free to ignore me.
After 2 hours, Seth finally replied, “I’m not ignoring you darling. It’s just that my girlfriend took MC after a month to spend the weekend with me. This is a F-ed up situation for me. If I don’t come, you’ll be pissed. If I ignore her, she’ll be mad“.
All I could reply was, “It’s OK. Don’t come. Really“.. and I burst into tears.
I don’t know why, but it was the first time I ever cried because of Seth. Was it because I finally admitted my feelings? Or was it because he bothered to reply at all?
I did not bother texting Seth ever since. In weeks to come, he texted me about work and I’d reply with a sentence or 2, but never a conversation.
He did the same.
Me: Regarding XXX property *sends a picture*
Him: Oh OK. Thx.
It hurts. I could not comprehend that we were strangers again. I came to realization that I have always had feelings for him but it never bothered me because I knew that he was always there for me.
I was crushed by the coldness.
Last week, with the whole Jacob situation (Read about Jacob HERE), work stress and Seth being a total stranger, I had an emotional meltdown. I texted Seth;
Me: Why are you being so cold?
Him: No I’m not. I’m just busy.
Me: Really? I’d say you’re crazy if you’re being cold just because I said the obvious out loud.
Him: No it’s nothing really. Just busy. I’m going to Iran tomorrow.
The next day I was off to Bangkok for my long awaited weekend vacation. I texted him when I got back and have been texting him everyday since.
Every night Seth would send me photos and videos of him partying. We’d have long conversations about everything and it was something that has not happened in a long time. Did he finally come to realization of his feelings for me too? Or does he only treat me as a buddy?
We even spoke of going to Iran for a 10 days trip in Spring where it wouldn’t be too cold but still be able go skiing and a 2 hour flight to the beach. As much as I know it ain’t gonna happen, I was happy.
Seth is somewhere in the air on his flight back to KL right now..
What is going to happen when he is back in town?
With us being so similar in every way, could there even be a possibility that we could end up working things out? I know that he’s not interested in F-ing me anymore, he probably doesn’t like me that way now. All I know is that I was so devastated when he treated me like a stranger, I know I cannot possibly bare losing him as a friend.
Whenever people asked why I’m single, I have always answered, “If I find a guy who could make me happier than I am right now, I don’t see why not!“.
I have not been happier than when I’m around Seth.
.. to be continued
VERDICT: I still have emotions and I think I’m in love (not quite something I’m willing to admit!)