The Shagging Machine: Part II

My past many posts were about my awesome shags or bad drunken decisions. I’m not sure why I’m posting this; Perhaps I want to get it out of my system. Or maybe I just wanted to show that I still have emotions hidden somewhere inside of me.

Seth and I had started out as a F-buddies whom I started dating casually. We were also co-agents and eventually, it was like we were in an open relationship. Our friendship blossomed through out the months and even after we stopped F-ing, we confided in one another. Our relationship evolved into such a weird place that it could no longer be defined.

Read about Seth HERE.

condoms-5-390x285

When it all ended, we continued hanging out as friends. Seth was always there for me be it for work or my many boy-dramas. He always had a word of advice. Though at times he would take forever to reply my texts;

Me: *rant rant rant*
Him: *goes online but doesn’t reply*
Me: Jendeh! Don’t ignore me, I can see you online!
Him: Jende I’m out drinking right now and you’re talking about Fifty Shades of Grey? *sends a video of him in a bar*

NOTE: Jende means bitch in Persian. That’s pretty much what we call each other ever since I learnt the word.

Months came and went. Although we partied together occasionally, Seth always sent me home when the night ended. Perhaps it was cause I never gave the vibe that I still wanted to sleep with him, or maybe he was just done with F-ing me. I was dying to get into his pants but I didn’t want to ruin things.

images

It came to a point where I did not want to see him anymore for the fear of getting hurt. Clearly I had developed feelings for Seth.

 

2-3 MONTHS BACK

One night as I was about to enter the club, Seth texted. He called when I refused to reply and told me that he was there too and so I brought him in with me.

Seth stood right beside me the whole time, keeping me entertained and never left my side to pick up the many hot chics available that night. I was amazed. He even started flirting and dancing with me. It was something that did not happen since the first time we partied together.

A girl walked past and I pointed her out to Seth.

Me: I don’t like her. She’s really annoying.
Him: Why?
Me: She’s got no friends here. Always bugging us to drink and dance with her. I just don’t like her.
Him: OK

Seth did not bother with her.

But later on that night, she came up to Seth and started chatting him up. I was tipsy and annoyed but Christy dragged me off to the dance floor before I could do anything about it. I went up to the podium where I had the perfect view of them. I saw them exchanging numbers and made out a little.

Seth has a habit of ignoring the girls after he has gotten their number. It’s like he collects their digits to keep himself entertained when he has nothing to do so what ever they were up to, it did not bother me one bit cause I know at the end of the night he would always send me home.. and when he sends me home, he would never put another girl in the car with me.

When I got back to the table, Seth started dancing with me. After a minute, the chic dragged him away from me.

15

I was furious!

Never in my 10 years of partying has a girl ever took MY guy away from me. At that point of time, I just did not want to deal with it and left for another room (where I found and made out with this madly adorable French mixed Brazilian dude and totally forgot about the incident with Seth).

I wasn’t as pissed with Seth as I was with the girl. I had afterall done the same to Seth with Pier but who is she to take him away from me? Read about Pier HERE.

 

SOME WEEKS LATER

It was 2 days before the day I was to celebrate my birthday and we had a club launch to attend. I invited Seth.

Him: I’ll come, but I have to leave by 1am.
Me: Whyyy?
Him: Because I gotta be up at 6am for my Master’s graduation!
Me: OK fine. Come pick me at 10.30pm

The launch was boring and a whole different level of awkward when Aiden’s ex-girlfriend appeared. Read about Aiden HERE and HERE.

Me: See that girl? This is awkward. I made out with her ex-boyfriend and she found out.
Him: *points* That girl? Come lets go to the bar, I’ll buy you a bucket of beer for your birthday.
Me: OK. I also F-ed him but she doesn’t know. Now I’m invisible to her.
Him: Do you want me to F her so you guys would be even? *smirks*
Me: Don’t you F-ing dare!!

By the time we were done with the beers, Phil and the rest of them were dead beat bored. Though it was already 12.30am, I managed to convince Seth to come to our usual club with us.

I was highly intoxicated as the night went by and started being unreasonable when he wanted to leave. Eventually he left at 2.30am. I was pissed but too drunk to care.

 

2 DAYS LATER

It was the day I was celebrating my birthday and I texted him in the afternoon;

Me: You coming for my birthday tonight?
Him: Yes 98%
Me: Where’s the 2%?!!
Him: If I die.

I was smiling from ear to ear. But I woke up to his texts later in the evening after a nap;

Him: Can you get another guestlist for my girlfriend?
Me: No. I don’t have enough. Why don’t you just stay home with her.
Him: Then I’ll just pay for cover charge. Is that OK?
Me: No. I don’t need any more girls.
Him: It’s just this one time that I want to bring a girl with me.
Me: And you choose to do so on my birthday? You got an option to stay home with her or go to other parts of the club.
Him: It’s not gonna make any difference!
Me: Are you trying to annoy me on purpose? You know damn well that I like you although I don’t do anything about it. I enjoy hanging out with you that’s why I invited you. I do not need to see you with a girl on my birthday. If you don’t like what I said, feel free to ignore me.

After 2 hours, Seth finally replied, “I’m not ignoring you darling. It’s just that my girlfriend took MC after a month to spend the weekend with me. This is a F-ed up situation for me. If I don’t come, you’ll be pissed. If I ignore her, she’ll be mad“.

All I could reply was, “It’s OK. Don’t come. Really“.. and I burst into tears.

I don’t know why, but it was the first time I ever cried because of Seth. Was it because I finally admitted my feelings? Or was it because he bothered to reply at all?

 

I did not bother texting Seth ever since. In weeks to come, he texted me about work and I’d reply with a sentence or 2, but never a conversation.

He did the same.

Me: Regarding XXX property *sends a picture*
Him: Oh OK. Thx.

It hurts. I could not comprehend that we were strangers again. I came to realization that I have always had feelings for him but it never bothered me because I knew that he was always there for me.

I was crushed by the coldness.

Last week, with the whole Jacob situation (Read about Jacob HERE), work stress and Seth being a total stranger, I had an emotional meltdown. I texted Seth;

Me: Why are you being so cold?
Him: No I’m not. I’m just busy.
Me: Really? I’d say you’re crazy if you’re being cold just because I said the obvious out loud.
Him: No it’s nothing really. Just busy. I’m going to Iran tomorrow.

The next day I was off to Bangkok for my long awaited weekend vacation. I texted him when I got back and have been texting him everyday since.

Every night Seth would send me photos and videos of him partying. We’d have long conversations about everything and it was something that has not happened in a long time. Did he finally come to realization of his feelings for me too? Or does he only treat me as a buddy?

We even spoke of going to Iran for a 10 days trip in Spring where it wouldn’t be too cold but still be able go skiing and a 2 hour flight to the beach. As much as I know it ain’t gonna happen, I was happy.

Plane-flying-in-sky-wallpaper1

Seth is somewhere in the air on his flight back to KL right now..

What is going to happen when he is back in town?

With us being so similar in every way, could there even be a possibility that we could end up working things out? I know that he’s not interested in F-ing me anymore, he probably doesn’t like me that way now. All I know is that I was so devastated when he treated me like a stranger, I know I cannot possibly bare losing him as a friend.

Whenever people asked why I’m single, I have always answered, “If I find a guy who could make me happier than I am right now, I don’t see why not!“.

I have not been happier than when I’m around Seth.

 

10354246_753227808083421_9115431988643772649_n

 

.. to be continued

 

VERDICT: I still have emotions and I think I’m in love (not quite something I’m willing to admit!)

Advertisements

The Betrayal

Name: JACOB
Origin: KL
Ethnicity: Eurasian-Chinese
Height: 5″10. VERY normal.
First impression: Good looking, charming
Age: 1 year older

I sold test tube Vodka shots in the club when I was 22 to survive through college and on one of those nights, I met Jacob.

We did not accept credit cards for the shots I sold and I literally emptied the cash in his wallet selling him shots, leaving him just enough to pay for his parking ticket.

He wanted my digits but I refused. “Come back next week. One shot for each digit to my number“. That would be 10 shots that summed up to MYR150.

test-tube-shooters-xl

By the next weekend, I have totally forgotten about him. I have used that line on numerous guys who would have somehow bought those shots in the same night (and I’d give them my spare number which I registered for this purpose only) or I would just outright tell them that if I gave my number to every guy who asked for it, I’d be a very busy girl.

I went about my night and when I went to the lounge area outside the club, Jacob was seated with two friends. He bought the 10 shots, drank them and left soon after. I was impressed. He earned my real digits.

Jacob would call me every now and then and we would be chatting for hours over the phone. I didn’t believe in going out with guys whom I met while working at the club but Jacob had his charms.

Some weeks later, I finally went out him for a casual dinner at Swensens. With my black hole of a stomach and crazy appetite, I devoured my giant cheese burger like I’ve not eaten in days. I wanted to drink and we headed to a nearby club for some Vodka cranberry.

Being the emotional drunk that I was back then, I started sobbing like a retard as the night ended. I wasn’t over Sid and it became a routine to weep over it everytime I was intoxicated. Read about Sid HERE.

He put on some sappy love songs, held my hand and comforted me in the car for the longest time but that was it. He never made a move on me.

man_comforting_woman

We went out a couple more times through the months up to the point where I met Chad. Read about Chad HERE.

I started dating Chad soon after and Jacob was pissed.

Jacob: What does he have that I don’t?
Me: I don’t know.
Jacob: I’m better looking than he is. I’m richer than he is. So why him?
Me: Sigh. Get in line?

I was annoyed. Although I liked Jacob a whole lot, he never really made a real move. And with him going on business trips for long periods of time frequently, I obviously found a new interest.

Over the years we would bump into each other at the clubs or through mutual friends. Jacob would call to check in on me every now and then but Chad wasn’t happy with it so I stopped talking to him unless I happen to see him outside.

 

3 YEARS BACK

I was at a bar that belonged to a girlfriend, Tammy along with Chad. Tammy is one of the only highschool friends whom I managed to keep in touch with. We were really close back in school but pretty much lost touch when she left for another school at 15. We bumped into each other pretty often when we were both partying rampantly at 22 and when we do actually manage to schedule a night out, it’s almost like we never really lost touch.

It was then that Tammy introduced her new boyfriend, Jacob. Chad and Jacob stared at each other for a moment before they both went all, “Owwwhhhh so you’re the guy!“.

I was shocked, and quite frankly, a little upset. Now I’ll never be allowed to date Jacob.

Tammy found out that Jacob used to like me and would ever so often jokingly tell him to back off every time he started being even a little flirty with me. Perhaps it only came naturally considering how I would still feel that same attraction I had for him. He would still kiss me on the forehead every time we hugged our goodbyes and I’ll notice how Tammy’s expression would change. I swear I did not do it on purpose, it was not even something I could control!

 

 

2 DAYS BACK

I have not seen the both of them in at least a year now. I bumped into Jacob (without Tammy) at my usual joint on a Monday night. It was the eve of a public holiday.

Phil had to leave to send his drunk girlfriend home but I still wanted to party.

Me: My friend is leaving. Can you send me back?
Jacob: Sure. I’m sending another 2 friends home, but don’t worry I’ll get you home safe.

I’ve partied with Jacob numerous times and I always got home untouched no matter how drunk I was so I figured it would be fine.

After one too many beers, champagnes and possibly some whiskey, I was smashed beyond believe. You see, I used to puke all over whenever I was a goner but these days I go into autopilot mode and no one would know I’m whacked. I won’t remember the night but would still go on drinking and dancing like everything was normal.

alcohol

To summarize the end of the night, I..

  • Lost my wallet
  • Do not remember how I got out of the club
  • Do not remember that I demanded for food and ate a shitload
  • Do not remember Christy calling like 10 times before I answered and told her everything was alright
  • Do not remember entering the car

All I knew was that I knocked out in the car, woke up and crawled onto the passenger seat after he sent his friends home.

I vaguely remember Jacob telling me that it was really late and that if its alright to sleep in his guestroom before I knocked out again.

I know I got out of the car but the next thing I knew, I was in a hotel room making out with him.

210213_sex

In my intoxicated state, initially, it was like awesome, I have wanted this for so long! Then the guilt started kicking in while we were F-ing. I can’t deny how much I enjoyed it.

Him: Do you regret this?
Me: What’s there to regret, it’s already done.
Him: This is the first time I’ve cheated on Tammy and I don’t regret it. It’s something I have always wanted to do. Like a bucket list.
Me: Can’t deny that it’s very flattering to be on someone’s bucket list.
Him: I can still remember how we met, those shots.. the burger you had at Swensens. You crying in the car..

The sun was up by then and when we were finally done, it was already 10am. My black hole of a stomach was crying for food. I refused to head out to have breakfast so Jacob left to buy me food.

I woke up at around 1.30pm with a fabulous hangover and extreme disgust with myself. I wanted to call a cab but I had no idea where I was. So I called Jacob.

Jacob: I thought so you’ll be calling me right about now.
Me: Where are you?
Jacob: I’m on the way back with food.

He came back happy and chatty but all I did was stare at him with utter disgust. He realized the awkwardness while I demanded that no one should know about what happened, especially Tammy.

I had my breakfast and he sent me home soon after. Just as I was getting out of the car, he smiled and told me, “I’ll always remember it“. Ughh!!

 

teenage-girl_2563606b

Yes, clearly we were both still attracted to one another, but the more I think about it, the more I don’t feel that I should be blamed. I did not ask to be checked into a hotel room. I did not give out any vibes that I was still interested in him.

When I told Christy about it, she went all, “OMG I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have left! There was no one there to take care of you. It’s all my fault!“. She thinks of it as a date rape. I would too if I wasn’t attracted to him! I could only tell her that I was nobody’s responsibility to be taken care of. I should have took better care of myself.

I could not decide if I was disgusted with myself for actually continuing the night just cause it was good or that I betrayed a friend whom although not that close, I’ve know for literally half my life or that I’m pissed with him for taking advantage of a pissed drunk girl.

But at the end of the day, there is no one to blame but myself. It all boils down to my inability to control my drinks and bad behavior.

If his girlfriend wasn’t Tammy, I would keep him around for sure. I have always said that after each session of bad sex, the next would always be awesome. I just did not expect it to be such a traumatizing experience.

I would never leave the club without Phil again. I have given his girlfriend strict instructions to never allow me to stay back no matter what I say; be it that I’m sober and still want to party or that I want to follow some super hot dude back.

If I wanted a guy, I’ll take down his number and deal with it when I’m sober. The only exclusion to this is if I have already slept with the dude previously or have been obsessing over him for a long enough time.

 

VERDICT: Control the drinks and never fully trust a guy. Ever