I hate going on dates.
My last 2 dates were total disasters. I was a nervous, giggly wreck and Marcel totally ignored me after that night (Read about the date with Marcel HERE). My date with Felipe was so extremely boring that I started blabbering through out dinner, he must think I’m an idiot and I honestly can’t give a flying F even if he thinks I’ve a hairy asshole (Read a little about how I met Felipe HERE).
As I told the story of how dates, particularly sitting through a dinner or multiple beers, exchanging life stories and bonding terrifies the bejeezus outta me, Christy suggested I go on a 5 date a month challenge. I hate the thought of having to converse with a guy, but Christy is right. I need to get over the fear of dates!
Tinder. The fastest way to score a hot date!
Ethnicity: A mixture of 5 different bloodlines. I really can’t recall.
Height: 5″10. VERY normal.
First impression: Cocky bastard. He thinks he’s all that.
Age: 2 years older
Swipe, swipe, swipe.. I matched with Joseph. As it turns out, I saw him at a club once and was checking him out all night. I would have gone up to him if he wasn’t literally surrounded by girls who were all over him.
Joseph is a local celebrity. A TV presenter and a model. Explains the cockiness.
After some witty exchange of replies, Joseph asked me out for drinks but I declined. Two days later he invited me for beers at a local bar nearby. I agreed. Oh did I mention that Christy matched with him on Tinder too?
I’ll skip the whole process of how we greeted with a hug and crap and jump straight to the point of how all he ever spoke of was that he wanted a threesome with Christy and I. That I have a ‘come-F-me’ face AND a ‘cum-on-my-face’ face. That we should go have sex at the washroom behind.
How UN-charming! I like assholes, but Joseph is just dodgy! Even if it was a joke, it’s not funny.
Him: Do you live alone?
Me: No. I live with my aunts
Him: Then where are we gonna fuck? Sneak me in!
Me: No! We are not gonna fuck and I’ve not sneaked anyone in since high school.
Yup, I never bring boys home unless they have been a real boyfriend for at least 6 months.
But like seriously, no seducing, no charms and you go straight to the point that you want to F me? I’m not even remotely sexually attracted to him in real life!
Then we decided to take a photo and send it to Christy who was in Perth. I pointed out that he looked chubby in photos.
Me: You look chubby here. See.. no jawline!
Him: No I don’t! I’m at my ideal weight. You still think I’m cute right?
After one too many “you still think I’m cute?” and me not brushing his ego, He started being insecure. After teasing him a couple more times on his weight, he started to get pissy. Baby, you kinda asked for it! He did tell me I had a face that people wanted to cum on after all. How could calling him chubby be worse than that?
Him: I’ll forget what you say when I wake up.
Me: Naww! You’ll think of it before bed. You’ll think of it when you wake up. You’ll think of it for the rest of the week. You know how they say people look fatter on TV than in person. Do you look fat on TV?
Him: Wow! You really know how to make a guy feel like shit about himself don’t you? You really are annoying!
Then he turned to watch the TV and ignored me. I took out my phone to find texts from my friends asking to hit the club. Reception was bad so I walked out to make some calls and of course, to whine.
When I returned to the bar, I politely asked;
Me: Are you really gonna ignore me?
Him: No, its fine.
Me: Here’s 30 bucks. Should cover my share. I’m leaving.
On the way out I joined some friends at another table for a smoke. Told them what happened and was laughing about it when Joseph decided to leave. He totally avoided walking past me and ignored my existence.
Later that night, he texted Christy to bitch about me right before he texted me;
Him: You should watch your mouth, there’s a thin line between being cocky and funny and being a true blue bitch.
Me: Mmm there’s a reason for having a come F me face. I much rather F real men than to sit around with overly metrosexual boys who can’t take a joke. True blue bitch is a compliment, thank you!
And that wraps up date 1 of 5!
As much as I was amused by the whole dramatic event, I was pissed. I did not deserve to be called a true blue bitch for calling someone chubby! If I F-ed somebody’s boyfriend, then yes, I am a bitch. Or a slut. Or a whore. What ever rocks your boat.
When I got home at 5.30am after partying, Aiden and I started flirting over Whatsapp. Such an ego booster! Aiden too is a local celebrity; A well known local DJ and artist. I often hear his infomercials on the radio going “Hi I’m Aiden, most people know me as *insert DJ name* and…“.
Me: Do you think I’m a bitch? Slut maybe, but bitch?!
Aiden: Nope, never. I am. I am the definition.
But yeah, I made out with Aiden some weeks back but that’s another story altogether. I was about to write a post about him but I got a feeling the story has yet to come to an end (I’m not a fan of writing stories in Part 1, Part 2). Apparently he is quite an asshole himself.
As for Joseph, I really realllllyyyy expected more confidence from a celebrity. Seems like I actually shattered his ego! But hey, he should be glad I didn’t just get up and slap him across the face for being such a douchebag!
I guess it’s just that the guys I’ve been seeing/sleeping with has got egos that shoots through the roof and their confidence are impossible to bring down no matter what I say or do.
Take Seth for example; When I poked at his stomach stating he gained a little weight, he told me, “F you! I’m gonna pump it back up, I’ll show you how ripped I’ve become and then I won’t F you anymore!“, then he proceeds to F me! (Read about Seth HERE)
VERDICT: Even celebrities can be insecure little boys. No more overly metrosexual pretty boys for me!