As I sit in front of my PC on a Saturday night nursing my almost-recovered tonsillitis (which I inherited from partying one too many nights a week), I ponder on what my next entry should be.
I shall not rant about how much I’m crying inside for having to cancel on my booty call with Sean, whom I am determined to turn into my F-Bud and my date with Felipe (Read about Sean and Felipe HERE) cause I simply can’t talk or eat (I lost 6 kgs in 2 weeks from not being able to consume any solids!). I kept repeating to my friends that I rather just die than to be without my bare necessities; Food, alcohol and sex.
So anyways, I decided to post the obligatory Chad entry. If you have been reading this blog, you’d see his name scattered randomly in every other post. This post might also shed some light on why I ain’t fit for a relationship.
Height: 5″11. Normal
First impression: Mr Nice Guy
Age: 2 years older
Back in 2008, I was working as a shooter girl in clubs to survive through college. It was just really diluted alcohol in test tubes that were rip offs. All I had to do was sell these blood sucking shots to drunk idiots.
I met Chad 3 days right after I broke up with Leo (Read a little about Leo HERE) through Derek, a regular at that club who was also pursuing me (but that’s an entirely different story altogether).
Initially, I thought of Chad as a rather dull, uninteresting and serious guy. As I got to know him better, he is really all that. He does not party much, can’t drink to save his life (like literally!) and took every thing about life a little too seriously. But Chad was also kinda charming in his own geeky ways and definitely very intellectual. He was also somewhat sweet.
When my then-bestfriend, Chris (Read about Chris HERE) found out that Chad was pursuing me, he told me to give it a try.
Chris: Think about it, all your ex-boyfriends are assholes. Chad is the total opposite of everyone of them. It might turn out well!
Me: Seriously? It does sound kinda awesome. I party, he stay home.
I started dating Chad soon after.
But unlike Leo who controlled everything about me, Chad did not give two hoots about anything I did at all. It really was the total opposite and I could not get used to it.
Soon I found myself constantly fighting for his attention. But Chad always wanted me-time. Like, a lot of me time.
He only wanted to see me over the weekends, and I partied on weekends. Eventually, I only got to see him for lunch and movies on Sundays and that was it.
I started straying, though at that age, straying only meant making out drunk. I began drunkenly crying and venting my frustrations to my friends every time I got drunk, which was every other night. He just did not care. It seems like he did not want to be part of my life.
6 months in, I decided that the insanity had to stop. It was either I make the relationship work or end my misery. I decided to give it my all. Because he was such a responsible man, I could see him as a husband. But that was the problem. Chad would make a perfect husband but a rather dull boyfriend.
I stopped partying a 100% just so I could spend the entire weekend with Chad. I avoided alcohol and clubs even on weekdays so I would not have the chance to stray. I became his perfect girlfriend.
Chad started opening up to me more. He was loving when he was around, but when he wasn’t, it was like, ‘out of sight, out of mind‘. I would not hear from him all week till the weekend. He was insensitive and he kept everything to himself. He was also full of confidence that I would not leave him no matter how much he neglects me.
1.5 years into the relationship, he wanted out all of a sudden upon returning from a business trip in Korea. He never admitted it till this day, but I’m sure something happened in Korea. He couldn’t even look me in the eye or muster a reason. All he could say was, “I can’t see a future with you“. I cried and reasoned with him and after a day or two, he decided to give it another shot.
But that was how and when it all went downhill.
I could not make myself trust that he would not leave me for no valid reason again. I lost all respect for him. Gradually, I began partying again. Slowly but surely, I started straying continuously (and it definitely wasn’t just making out this time round!).
As much as I loved all the mushy relationship stuff like rolling in the sheets over the weekend, watching TV series together over a home cooked meal, cleaning the house together, I lost faith in the relationship. I could see how much he tried to make up for what he did but things just weren’t the same anymore.
By the third year, it no longer bothered me that he did not want to go out with me or party, to make an effort to get to know my friends better, I pretty much avoided all his family functions, I was happy whenever he wasn’t around and the weekly meet up became a chore.
My friends laughed at how I’m supposedly in a relationship but my boyfriend was never to be seen out with me, be it a party, a get together with friends, work function or a wedding/birthday. Some friends even go, “You have a boyfriend?!! How come I never see you with him? I don’t even see him call you!” or “Are you sure you’re in a relationship? Are you sure you’re not in an open relationship?”
Initially it was embarrassing. Eventually, I’d just reply, “I’m in a relationship 3 days a week and I like it!“
Then the roles reversed.
Him: Why don’t you text me when you get home after partying anymore? I don’t even know where you are all the time, I had to check Facebook to find out!
Me: I hardly see you or talk to you. It has came to a point where you are no longer at the back of my mind. I no longer miss you. Do you think I’d think of you when I get home drunk? I don’t think so..
4 years in, after I heard that Chad was planning on proposing, I told him that I could no longer do it. I didn’t want to torture the both of us and waste everybody’s time. He was sad, but he agreed. He knew that once I had my mind set on something, there was no turning back.
I’m sorry. I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you.
Some months later, I found out from his cousin and a few of his friends that Chad was planning on proposing to me the very next month if I had not end it. He had it planned for months.
Oh wells, I guess some things are just not meant to be.
Chad and I are still great friends. We hang out at least once a week, we still go to each other with our problems and occasionally we would party and hunt together. From the dull, uninteresting person he used to be, he has now evolved into a party animal, serial dater, is somewhat charming and very much promiscuous too!
When ever friends ask how we manage to continue being friends, we would always answer; We were best friends for 4 years when we were together. Just cause we can’t be together, it does not mean we can’t continue being best friends. We still love each other, just not that way.
Sometimes Chad would tell our friends that, “Tess is one person I could see myself still talking to when we are 70“, and our friends would go all, “Awww!“. That’s sweet but he should have thought of that when he decided to dump me out of the blue back then.
NOTE: There are a lot more good times than I gave credit for; we’d go on vacation every year, visit his hometown about 4 times in a year. He taught me to drive, helped out when my dad passed away. I confided in him way more than I did with anymore else ever (even after I started dating Luke). We practically grew up together in that 4 years.
VERDICT: Would I date another Eurasian man? No. They are way too full of themselves.