Tinder Dates – 1-15 of 50

Some years back, I was hooked on a blog ( walkinsauce.tumblr ) about the author’s Tinder experiences as she went on one date per week up till she accumulated 50 dates. I religiously logged on to her blog weekly. She was hilarious; from dating much younger boys to priests.. I can’t possibly top that.

At that point, I couldn’t imagine I’d ever rack up 50 dates. But being single for 3 years and 9 months now (wow that’s 45 months / estimated 1,350 days right there!) meant lots of alone time swiping and chatting with randos. I’ve been on 37 Tinder dates to date. No, I did not hook up with all of them!

And because I suck so bad at dating (as I was whining about on The Fat Man), I decided to dedicate date no.35 – 50 on being a decent human being, or at least variations of it without actually hooking up.

Here’s what I figured; Dating is a numbers game. The more I date, the higher chances I’d meet someone I actually like. When I first turned single, I went on a date every 3-4 months. I could go up to 6 months without sitting down and getting to know a new dude.

Buttttt.. there should obviously be improvements in one’s technique, so here’s a timeline summary of my first 15 Tinder dates!

DATE No.1
Technically, Pablo wasn’t from Tinder. But here’s where all the madness started. Full post HERE.

Pablo and I chatted for whole 2 months before I actually agreed to meet him at my usual club and drunkenly hooked up that night itself. It was amazing!

But I was only 3 months into singlehood back then and Pablo wanted a relationship. I had to let him go. He left soon after but we did meet up when he was back in KL a year or so later. He even proposed to fly me over to Spain recently but I wasn’t up for it.

 

DATE No.2
It wasn’t really a date. But I still met a dude off Tinder. I was out with a bunch of friends and invited him to join. Gorgeous AF Italian dude who just arrived in KL not too long ago. My friends were determined to get him drunk so I’d get lucky, but my body obviously hates me. I got my period mid date!! We did make out though.

We didn’t see each other again, but some months later I found out through his Instagram that he got engaged. Dafuq?!

 

DATE No.3
The first proper dinner and drinks date goes to Marcel. Full post HERE.

Also Italian, Marcel had the sexiest smile (at least back then it was) and made me blush like a virgin school girl all night. Spent 4 hours chatting and nada. No action.


DATE No.4
The date from hell with Joseph. Full post HERE.

A local TV presenter who’s Malay-German. Joseph was so full of himself that he got mad when I said he’s gotten chubbier than his photos. I remained calm when he told me we should have a threesome with my bestie, that we should F in the bar washroom and that I’ve got a come-F-me-face!

He later on called me a true blue bitch.

 

DATE No.5
Gorgeous Persian male model who’s as interesting as a block of wood. Full post HERE.

We matched, chatted occasionally and bumped into him at my usual joint where we made out and hooked up a couple of days later. Nothing interesting really.

 

DATE No.6
Another Persian male model/personal trainer with gorgeously defined 8 packs, featured on Men’s Health cover but couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life. It was then that I decided that I ain’t gonna bother with male models no more. We only drunkenly made out.

 

DATE No.7
Dearest Finn is a full on sexy French-Italian MMA fighter who is by far the most sensual, seductive man I have ever hooked up with to date.  Full post HERE.

We met up after a week or so of chatting and was instantly smitten by him. So much so that I held off sex till the fourth date.. and continued as F-Buds for a couple of months. Finn is the definition of a pleaser.

DATE No.8
Brazilian Andy turned out to be a friend of a friend whom I partied with. Full post HERE.

We chatted on and off for months but failed to meet up till his farewell party. Quite a nasty experience really.

 

DATE No.9
I was excited to meet Keith when I read that Hungarian men were the most well hung in all of Europe. Boy was I disappointed! Full post HERE.

We went on a date that lasted 7 whole hours and ended with a mind numbingly boring F! *yawn!!

 

DATE No.10
I wouldn’t call this a date but this match asked where I’d be that night and I told him. He turned up, insisted I brought him and his friend into VIP and proceeded to help themselves with drinks that they did not pay for and annoying the hell out of ALL the girls at my table. Eventually, I had to get the manager to get rid of them.

 

DATE No.11
Hot, bald, sexy, and French, Cruz flew in from Singapore to spend the weekend with me. Full post HERE.

We chatted for a full 9 hours before actually getting to it. Partied the next night away. It felt a lot like having a boyfriend for the weekend.

DATE No.12
The ultimate F-Boy turn BFF, Kurt darling. Full post HERE.

Totally fell head over heels for Kurt and was put on a roller coaster ride of emotions for months before I realized what a F-Boy he is. All’s good now that I, as his best friend come before any of his chicks.

 

DATE No.13
This one was definitely too hot to be a CEO of a pharmaceutical company (as stated on his Tinder bio). Buff and good looks, he gave killer I’m-Gonna-Do-Bad-Things-To-You eyes all throughout our dinner date. We obviously hooked up after. And again on Valentines Day!

 

DATE No.14
A black Brazilian mixed German, this match was a bore to the core. There was no chemistry or physical attraction and yet he tried with all he could to sway the date back to his place. Nope. Did not happen!

DATE No.15
Another chemistry-less date that ended all too soon. Really nothing to write home about other than blabbering uninteresting stuff all night long.

 

 

The Fat Man: Part II

I cannot believe I’m writing another post on LUCAS but I feel its essential to the following posts that I plan to write.

So anyways. After a full week of complete silence, I was in his neighborhood and figured it didn’t hurt to text Lucas.

Me: Hey how you doing? I was having pizza at XXX and thought of you!
*silence*
Me: *after 3 hours* Ignoring me huh? Didn’t think we stopped texting on bad terms. Take care then.
Lucas: Hey not ignoring you.. Just finished set up for an event *yada yada yada work work work* Wish you a good night.

I tried making conversation the day after but was replied with silence so I sent a long text stating that if I said anything that might have offended him, I sincerely apologize (I accidentally called him fat many times – and I know some people can be real sensitive). That even if I couldn’t keep him as a friend, I didn’t want an enemy. After 24 hours, he replied;

Lucas: Hey sorry, I had just a very crazy week. You didn’t say anything wrong I am just very work focused and don’t text very often when I am under pressure. I think I mentioned a lot that I am a workaholic and that’s the down side of it. You haven’t lost a friend, I am just very crazy busy.

I got so pissed off I had to lash out!

Me: FYI your reason is too cliche. You’re failing at attempting to be Mr Nice Guy. The next girl you decide to get too busy for, tell her something like I got bored of your face. It sounds like an asshole, but much more genuine 😉

So I indirectly called him out on his bullshit and asshole. That was that. I was satisfied.

As much as I was upset, I was forgetting him as the days went by. When Saturday rolled along, I headed to a party where Stella had a DJ gig.

Lo and behold – Lucas’ company was the main organizer. So much awkwardness especially when I knew he saw me and we stood less than 10 steps away from him the entire night! By the end of the night however, we accidentally locked eyes and it would be childish of me to not say hi.

I texted him when I got home informing that I eventually found my car. He replies were outright cold.

I was furious! How dare this fat man treat me like I’m irrelevant. My ego was hurt. I was enraged. I refused to accept defeat.

Me: If I suck that bad at dating, and excel at hookups, then I’m gonna do what I’m best at.
KURT: Stop being pathetic. Move on. He doesn’t deserve any more attention!
Me: I’m doing it! If it’s bad, I’ll definitely forget him immediately. If it’s good, well, good!

I know it’s ridiculous to reward bad behavior with sex but there seemed to be no other way for me to forget this dude.

A couple of days after the weekend, I texted Lucas yet again (Yes, so desperate persistent!)

Me: Hey busy man how are you? I miss talking to you. Feels like I lost my texting buddy!
Him: Hey I am not very well, down with the flu since Sunday. How are you?
Me: Oh no worked too hard? I’m happy! Just closed a sale. Did you take some days off work?
Him: Oh congratulations, very happy for you. No I can’t take off having a few important meetings but I’ll try to cut short the days.
Me: I also lost some fats from not pigging out all the time *sends photo of me pulling up my top, showing off my abs and in undies*
Him: Wow, what a pic ! really don’t know what fats you have but you are in amazing shape.
Me: Thank you! What I have is an intense craving for pizza. When can I buy u the pizza that I owe you?
Him: The best craving ever 🙂 Friday or I think Saturday should be fine but need to double check my calendar. Way less events due to Ramadan.

Not me, but you get the idea

Ha! Works EVERY. DAMN. TIME!

I truly believe men are visual creatures and thinks with their D’s.

By weekend,

Me: Hope you’re feeling better today?
Him: Not really but had to go out tonight. Feel like dying.
Me: Aww don’t die!! You still gotta cook me burger! Then after that, u can reconsider dying again 😂
Him: Haha ok I try to stay alive to make you the burger you will never forget.
Me: Why don’t u make that legendary burger this weekend instead of pizza? At the rate you’re going never know when you’d die 😉
Him: Well the craving for pizza is still there. Why I don’t make a home made pizza with the toppings according to your wishes?

Anddddd.. DONE! Booty call is served!

When I got to his place that weekend, Lucas had candles lit, low lights, slow music playing and prepared a ton of food with cheese as the main ingredient. The food was F-ing fantastic!

Dinner, drinks, watched a movie while chatting for 4 hours and eventually we obviously did the deed.

Oh. My. F-ing. Glorious. Lord!! Lucas is amaaaazzinnngggg!! I have no words to describe what an amazing kisser he is. How he can be so dominant, yet submissive. A pleaser who’d go above and beyond. Our chemistry was off the charts!

Him: Wow! I didn’t think you’d be so much fun!
Me: Whaaaa? Did you think I was gonna be boring?
Him: No, not boring. Just not this much fun!
Me: I was toning it down. Still am or you’d think I’m mad.

We F-ed 6 times that night over the course of 5 hours. Surprisingly his belly wasn’t an issue at all!

Woke up, made breakfast and F-ed twice before I left.

Lucas wasn’t in town the entire week but we made plans to meet again that weekend.

But when I got there, Lucas was sick out of his brains, hungover from the night before and pretty much looked like a zombie. But I thought it was really sweet of him to make the ham and goat cheese bruschetta with honey that I absolutely loved, and stocked up on Coke and my cigarettes for me. He was about to cook burger but I took pity on the poor sick dude and let him off the hook.

We watched a movie and F-ed once that night before he almost coughed his lungs out and passed out. Woke up to very yummy breakfast – Omelette with ham and cheese with a side of toast, and more cheese!

Then he went silent after I left. What is his freaking problem?

Me: I feel the need to get this off my mind. Right now, what I want is nothing more than regular sex and a companion I feel comfortable with and respect. And I’m saying this because it seems to me you withdraw after sex like you’re afraid I’d want more from you. I’m just saying that because I guess not everyone wants more. N I definitely do not, hence being single this long.
Him: Appreciate that you are being straight forward. Yes I am looking for the same, I am not ready to go into any commitment at the moment. But I didn’t not reply because of that it’s just because of work.
Me: Honestly I hardly get laid cause I get bored of  F-Buds way too fast having nothing in common, but at the same time I can’t mentally commit to anything. So figured since I enjoy hanging around you, I’d keep you around 😉 Sounds like a plan?
Him: *AFTER 30 F-ING HOURS* Yes sound like a plan.

Are you kidding me now? No one can possibly be THAT busy to not be able to reply something that simple for 30 freaking hours. After a few nasty exchange of texts, it ended with –

Him: I just don’t want any drama. We both know what we want from each other so let’s keep it simple. I am now in a very busy period. So please understand if you don’t hear much from me.

Okay, Fat Man! If all I wanted were some wham-bam-thank you-fag, I could do way wayyyy better.

VERDICT: Looks don’t matter. All men are assholes until proven otherwise.

The Fat Man

My past few Tinder dates, I had been taking criticisms and advice from KURT seriously. The last I truly had a relationship, the dating scene was a lot less messed up.

Kurt: You excel at hooking up. That is all you know.
Me: Then teach me! I’ve not been dating for so long that I have no clue what to do anymore.

So the gist of it was – NO touching. NO kissing. NO sex. NO F-me eyes. NO sex talks. NO showing too much interest. BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING. Okay, sounds easy enough right?

But after each and every date, no matter if I liked them or not, I’d ask Kurt the same question;

Me: When I’m a decent human being, he’d be a decent guy too. How would I ever know if he’s interested in me?
Kurt: You’re an idiot! You only think a dude is interested in you when they have their D in your mouth! Let them get to know you for you. Not getting their D wet.

So after uncountable Decent-Human-Being-Tinder-Dates that I wasn’t interested in, I am growing cobwebs down South (I legit haven’t had any since my last post!).

 

Then I matched with Lucas. Oh so gorgeous on his Tinder photos.

When I found out from Phil that Lucas’ ex is a drop dead gorgeous bombshell of a model, added the fact that he is 6’6 (and I am 5’flat), I almost canceled the date the night before. Somehow convinced myself that the date was a joke and it’ll be funny to try that out once.

Him: Question. Have you ever been to XXX?
Me: No. Are you asking me cause you’re asking me out or headed there for work?
Him: I am trying to find a good location for tomorrow 😉 Then let’s do drinks at XXX then dinner. Italian? What time are you off work?
Me: Aww… Lemme Google it.
Him: No, don’t Google it. Then the surprise is gone. Just let it be a surprise, it’s a small cool hidden bar.

Who could say no to something that sweet? Somehow I figured drinks before dinner wasn’t such a brilliant idea and so we switched it to dinner then drinks.

 

THE FIRST DATE

Lucas was 30 minutes early for our date and was already seated when I walked in.

Name: LUCAS
Origin: Switzerland
Ethnicity: Swiss
Height: 6′6. FAT
First impression: Charming
Age: 2 years older

My first thought? – Oh shit! You got that right. He is FAT! His Tinder photos were from 5 years ago! But Lucas has this amazing smile that warms you right up. He was charismatic, charming, funny.. the chemistry wasn’t electric, it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. Conversations were really easy and there weren’t any awkward silent moments.

Dinner went on for 4 hours along with drinks. We never made it to that small cool hidden bar. It was a weekday and the mall was closing up.

Lucas walked me to the elevator and we hugged our goodbyes.

 

THE NEXT DAY

I was out for dinner with Christie whom I haven’t met in 4 months. Yeah, she’s one of those girls who goes into hibernation after getting into relationships.

We were texting throughout the day. At about 11pm, Lucas texted.

Him: Still at my meeting, almost done here. Fancy a drink just you and me?
Me: I haven’t seen my friends in forever. We’re headed to XXX for drinks. Feel free to join.
Him: Oh nice! But no it’s a customer of mine and I rather want to go off work. If you wanna join me at XXX/home you are more than welcome. 🙂
Me: Hahaha is that a booty call?
Him: It is what you want it to be.

OH NO YOU DIDN’T JUST BOOTY CALL ME!

Me: Right *replies to his previous comment saying ‘I’m not a creepy Tinder dude’* Getting there love.
Him: Huh? Why so serious? The only thing I am saying is that I don’t wanna see any customers anymore but I wanna see you. So if I would have invited you for dinner at my home to cook you something you said you want, you think I just want to take advantage of you?

So yeah, Lucas showed me a photo of a burger he made with a cheese bomb inside during our date.

I guzzled some beers and told myself to calm down before blowing up at the dude to the point of no return. Lucas did seem like a decent guy who didn’t give off any dodgy vibes.

We continued texting the next couple of days and I decided I needed to see Lucas again. I obviously consulted with my love guru Kurt first.

Me: What are your dinner plans tomorrow? Since I had to decline your last invitation (and got pissy bout it), thought I’d take the initiative and see if you’d be interested in food 🙂
Him: Haha yes, but only if you are nice to me 😉 No more being pissy.

 

THE SECOND DATE

I was on the verge of crazy after arguing with my butthead of an ex earlier in the day, who was poking and opening old wounds. So much so that I had a meltdown an hour before the date.

Me: Let’s cancel burgers. Some other time maybe.
Him: Huh?
Me: Not quite feeling it. Crappy day.
Him: Oh no what happened?
Me: You wouldn’t wanna know.
Him: Alright, then I hope you will be able to overcome that crappy feeling soon. Let’s postpone it but not for too long.

Aww.. I totally melted at that.

So off we went on our second date, just 4 days after the first. Lucas picked me up and we headed to my favorite burger joint – BurgerLab. Note to self (and all you burger fans out there in KL) – That is so not a second date venue, especially when you gotta queue for 30 minutes just to place your order.

Burgers and beers lasted about 3.5 hours with lots of laughter, deep talks about life and everything in between. It felt like forever since I opened up to someone new. Lucas was the perfect gentleman and I love it when he smiles. He has this happy cheerful vibe that I absolutely adore. We have the same views on relationships. We share the same extreme love for food, namely cheese, burgers, ramen and steak.

I even explained why I got pissy about the home invite and he seemed determined to earn my trust eventually.

 

Me: Thanks for tonight. It cured my crappy day.
Him: Happy to hear, enjoyed the evening as well. And yes you were right. The burger might be one of the best in KL. But the burger hunt is not over yet 😉

Sounds like there are more dates to come? YAY!

 

We texted on the daily and I was looking forward to the upcoming long weekend but he apparently spontaneously booked a flight out to Koh Samui to meet an old friend. But still, Lucas texted the entire time he was away.

I was on cloud 9. Sure, Lucas is fat and there was no way in hell I could imagine him naked. I wasn’t even sure if I could do it! Every time I thought of him, it wasn’t about how I was gonna yank his hair as I rode him, or how I wanna lick his jawline or touch his abs. I wanted to cuddle up to him!

Kurt: The truth is you hype him for no reason. You hope that he is finally is the Excockibur, the dick that stays? He is nothing just yet other than nice talks and free meals. So calm your tatas, he’s nothing till he’s proven otherwise.

There is so much truth in that. We ladies tend to hype guys we barely know for no solid reason, get excited prematurely based on fantasies we create in our heads and get disappointed after.

I tried to tone it down but the expectations were already there.

 

THE THIRD DATE

Me: It’s our third date. Am I still not allowed to touch him in the cinema?
Kurt: You should. Just hold on to his arm.
Me: What if he doesn’t react?
Kurt: Watch his body language.

Lucas and I met up for our third date the weekend after he got back from his vacation. He picked me up for dinner and movie. All went well till we got into the cinema.

I was legit cold and leaned towards him for body heat. No reaction. Okay. Getting colder. Blows hot air onto my hands. Still getting colder. Still no reaction. Fuck it. Barbecued my hand on his forearm. Still no F-ing reaction!! Hand got warmer, felt like a complete fool. Retreated. Okayyy.. what just happened?

Lucas sent me home after the movie. Talking and laughing all the way as usual. The goodbye hug was tighter than the previous two. I told him I would be in his neighborhood for work the next day if he wanted to meet for a quick lunch. He said to text him.

 

THE NEXT DAY

Not quite feeling it, I told Lucas I couldn’t make it for lunch and to add me on Facebook because I wanted to show him a video. The truth was I did see a video I wanted to share but what I really wanted was to do some stalking.

Me: *sends cheese raclette on burger vid on FB Messenger* I’ll be at your doorstep if you can cook this.
Him: Okay I’ll take your word for it. I already have the cheese, just need to make the patty 🙂
Me: Are you sure? My love for cheese and burgers is insatiable. Don’t break my heart!
Him: I’ve made the burger before. I’m sure I can do it 😉

Okay. So you’re still flirty. What is up with this dude?

 

AND THE NEXT DAY

Lucas was quiet. I texted him but the replies were rather cold. I could feel it in my bones that it’s fizzling away slowly but surely. And my spidey senses are never wrong, I haven’t heard from him since. Yeah, it’s only been 3 days but hey, we never stopped texting since the day we met!

I wish I could say this to you but.. Dear Fat Man, I guess I’ll never know if your burgers are as amazing as you described them to be. And I’m sad we won’t be continuing our burger and ramen quest. I was already imagining how yummy it would be. It was fun while it lasted and I really miss your laughs. I really hope you find what you’re looking for. 

 

So as humiliated as I am that I got dropped/ghosted by a fat man, I will have to admit this – I suck at dating. I am the ultimate failure at dating. I don’t have the slightest clue to what went wrong at what point.

Kurt: It’s like you went for an interview. You want the job, but you aren’t sure how well you did.
Me: I know I did well. Just not sure how many other candidates are there.
Kurt: You are forgetting that 1. There are more vacancies for more jobs you like and 2. You are super qualified. You should be the best ever according to you. But there are two attitudes – 1. You pick the job you like. 2 The job picks you, as you desperately need one.
Me: Or maybe there is no opening for the position I interviewed for. Good candidate, no vacancy.
Kurt: Bad luck. Don’t get discouraged.

NOTE: Lucas is only 5 months single after his 3 year relationship with bombshell ex-girlfriend.

Sure, I’ve perfected the art of hooking up. But there was a time when I couldn’t look at a hot stranger directly in the eye or freak out when a hottie chatted me up.

 

VERDICT: If Kurt reckons I excel at hook ups because I do it so much, does that mean if I binge dates, I’ll excel at it too? If practice makes perfect then I am going to find the perfect formula to dating. After all, I’ve got nothing to lose.

The Solo Traveler

Noticed how I have not posted in months?

I have been bored out of my brains of the usual debauchery and decided on a life-detox.

I stopped my nightly partying. Stayed sober for 5 months and counting. It’s Sahara down south.. And I’m utterly proud of myself!

screenshot-yourspromiscuously-wordpress-com-2017-01-25-00-39-38

As a reader had commented, life (and my posts) had become repetitive and boring. When I first turned single, all I wanted was to do whatever dafuq I wanted and not answer to anybody until I finally got bored of it all. And that was exactly what I had been doing for the past 3 years.

And because it had gotten so mundane, I decided I needed a vacation.  Wanting a different scene from my usual go-to (the beach), I booked myself out to Siem Reap for four nights as I have always been fascinated by Angkor Wat.

For the longest time, I’ve been wanting to travel solo and try living in an actual dorm in a hostel.

Friends were worried bout my solo trip and how I might get mugged, get lost, or get scammed. But I was determined!

 

DAY ONE

I arrived at the hostel 5 hours before I was allowed to check-in. Chilled at the pool. Texted some friends to let them know I made it to Siam Reap alive when a dude landed on the pool’s bean bag next to me.

bean-bag-in-swiming-pool

Chatted me up with the usual traveler’s chat; where are you from? How long will you be here? Where are you going to next?

Name: NICK
Origin: London
Ethnicity: English – Welsh
Height: 6′. Normal
First impression: Cute
Age: 1 year younger

Nick had the most adorable shy smile, husky voice (from all beer, no water and too much partying), and his hair.. His hair was skinned on the sides with long extremely curly fringe. What I wouldn’t do to just reach out and touch it.

Turns out Nick was leaving that night.

So off I went to meet a friend whom Facebook notified was in Siem Reap on holiday as well. Lunch, shooting range and beers before calling it a night. I was exhausted from the travels.

Soon after I crawled into my bunk, a couple curled up in the bunk opposite me, turned on the light on their bunk and was joined by their friend.

That’s the actual view from my bunk. Yes, that’s him.

Half asleep, I checked him out. Damn, he was cute! Sharp features, nice smile..

I soon drifted off to sleep.

 

DAY TWO

Woke up, dragged myself off the bed to fill up my royal tummy and when I got back to the dorm to get some stuff, the cute dude opposite me started waving at me with both hands.

It took me awhile before I realized it was Nick! He was the cute guy sleeping opposite me.

Me: Heyyy! I thought you left?
Him: Yeah I was supposed to but I’m kinda stuck here. I’m out of money and waiting for the Western Union transfer.
Me: Well, I’m headed out for a massage. Wanna join?
Him: I’d love to, but I can’t. I’m broke. Text me when you’re back.
Me: Okay. Add me on Facebook then.

May I add Nick was seated prettyyy damn close.

By the time my massage was done (It was amazing at only $6), I was due for a Tinder date.

Met my date who turned out to be way skinnier than I thought at a fancy restaurant. Not wanting to lead the dude on, I refused to order anything and have him pay for it, or worse, not pay for it. I had not budgeted for such extravagant meals and if my ego had its way, I’d have to stinge through the rest of the trip.

pub-street

Headed down to Pub Street after dinner where I finally had meals that were more on par with my budget, a couple of beers before I asked him to leave me there for a foot massage.

As I was swiping on Tinder during my massage, a match was in Pub Street and asked to join him and a friend of his. Ahh, why not? I was already there anyway.

This, was way worse. He was as buffed as his photos but for the lack of description, he was totally unattractive to me. I realized then to never swipe right on dudes wearing shades in all their photos!

So my match totally ignored me, and left me to his friend who then informed that my match only swiped right on me because he (his friend) liked me. After a beer with his friend, I was just so done with my night. The friend tried to booty call me too!

At that point, I completely hated everything about Siem Reap. All the food I’ve ordered thus far was horrible. Everything was pricey. It was dusty and the heat was nasty. I wanted so badly to be back in KL.. and I still haven’t been to Angkor Wat yet!

Nick and I got back to the dorm right about the same time. He was about to roll a joint and asked if I wanted some. Chilled on my bunk with another dude chatting and decided to call it a night.

 

DAY THREE

Woke up and decided I needed to check out Angkor Wat. It would be ridiculous if I went all the way to Siem Reap and not visit any of its attractions.

Called up the tuk-tuk driver my friend used and arranged to go at 2pm.

angkor-wat-xlarge

So Angkor Wat, Bayon temple, bla bla bla..  Tuk tuk driver took me for the dinner I requested – MUST be extremely cheap and extremely yummy. Best meal I had the entire trip!

Got a foot massage after and the lady at the reception took me out for a hair wash. I did not pack a hair dryer and all of Siem Reap did not sell hair conditioner (Whatt??!)

I landed on the bed with close to zero energy but it was impossible to sleep.

Dorm-mates were still up and not leaving the room. A couple was most obviously fooling around when I heard someone shouting – If you’re going to F, please use the bathroom.

When the noise finally died down, the couple got to it, just 2 bunks away from me. They weren’t making any obvious noise but the bed creaking and the soft pants were unmistakable.

Soon after they were done, Nick came strolling in and sat on my bunk. I was lying down whispering to him.

Me: I finally went to Angkor today! *beams* bla bla bla.. Oh.. that bed was *shows F-ing sign with my hands*
Him: *raises eyebrow* Oh really?

Nick bent down and looked me directly in the eye, made sure he wasn’t going to get punched in the face before he dove in for a kiss.

Man, I wouldn’t say Nick was a fantastic kisser but it was so hot, we were both out of breath in record time! I suppose the whole couple F-ing 2 beds away got me all hot and bothered.

Nick got into my covers, continued making out with him groping me all over when I could hear the rest of the drunkards returning to the room.

Me: Let’s go somewhere else.
Him: The bathroom?
Me: Okay.

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It has gotta rank No.1 in my list of impromptu sex and definitely hot beyond words! Just pure raw lust! First time I F-ed in a public restroom too!

Oh and he’s huge! I just love them 8 inchers!

Nick knocked out almost immediately after a ciggie, snoring wayyy louder than usual and did not even wake up from all the commotions when the drunk young Australians returned. Long story short, fat dude tried to jump from bunk to bunk, on top and landed with his head on the metal rail. Got himself 12 stitches!

Couldn’t sleep from all the havoc they wrecked. I lived in a 30 bunk dorm and I’d imagine everyone was awake then. Sam, the dude sleeping above Nick went out and got us some food. Chilled, ate and passed out when the noise finally died down.

 

DAY FOUR

Opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Nick waving at me and giving me the thumbs up to see if I was okay.

Got up. Had lunch with Sam.

Decided I should hang out at the pool and actually use its facilities. I had after all booked myself into a party hostel.

There were pool parties from 10am till 10pm daily. The guests will then move up to the roof bar that opened till midnight. When the bar closes, they’d move on to Pub Street together.

So pool volleyball and beers with Nick, Sam, and some Brazilian chics till my tuk tuk driver came to take me out for a massage.

pool-volleyball

As I ran into the dorm to get changed, Nick came over to me –

Him: You running in here made me think of last night.. *goes back to his bed*
Me: So you remember last night?
Him: Yeah, and it got me hard..
Me: *feels him up* Damn right. I gotta head out. This waits for me!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford the massage the driver brought me to so I paid him $1 and asked to be sent back to the hostel.

Much to my dismay, the dorm was crowded when I returned. I was hoping for it to be empty so I’d get some action.

Me: *gives him the F-me eyes as I walked past*
Him: Too many people in here. Tonight.

I fell asleep.

Woke up and went for my four hands massage. It was something I was totally looking forward to in Siem Reap, even more than Angkor Wat. Haven’t actually seen it elsewhere and it was phenomenal! Hands down the best massage of my life (and I believe I’ve had more massages than the average human!)

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I got back to the dorm later that night and started packing. My flight out was at 8.30am and I had to leave the hostel by 6.30am. Thought I’d have an early night when Sam came over and asked if I wanted to grab some beers. Ahh, why not I figured. Booking myself into a party hostel made no sense if I refused to drink.

Hung out at the roof bar till past midnight and totally passed out after just about 3 or 4 beers. Woke up to Nick looking directly at me at about 3am when the drunkards returned and the sunrise Angkor Wat fellas were getting ready to head out.

When the noise died down, I crawled into Nick’s bed and we made out for a bit before running off to the bathroom.

Much to my disappointment, a planned F can never quite be anywhere as exciting as an impromptu one. This time is was just a regular F that wasn’t nearly as impressive.

Got out of the bath just in time to do my final packing and checked out.

 

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That was that I guess.

Solo travel, check. Stayed alive, check. Not go broke, check. Met nice people, check. Had fun, check. Got laid, check.

Would I return to Siem Reap? Most likely, when the USD isn’t so high against MYR. The A-mok dishes were yummy, the $6/hour massages ($10 for four hands) were heavenly, beers are dirt cheap at $0.50 – $1, and I absolutely adored the hostel.

Did I have fun? Most definitely. Pretty sure I’d have more fun if I wasn’t being so uptight about not drinking too much. Also, someone please remind me not to Tinder when I’m living in a bloody hostel swarmed with hunks!

Unlike JOHN who was all boyfriend-like the entire trip, Nick was more of a F-Bud. Who knew you’d find F-Buds on a vacation? Never heard from him since but not like that matters. There were more interactions between Nick and I than I cared to write about. Smokes and conversations about life at the stairway and dorm aren’t particularly blog material.

And as much as this is yet another boy meet girl post, there really aren’t many ways to describe meeting a dude, F-ing, then parting ways.

Even after one too many romance novels, it’s all the same; boy meets girl – boy insists on a no string attach relationship – someone falls in love – one pisses the other off – breaks up – make up – get married *roll eyes*

 

VERDICT: Ladies, if you’ve never traveled solo, I’d highly recommend it. Words cannot describe how exhilarating it is!

What are you looking for?

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

That is the question asked by most, if not every man on Tinder (or real life).

Me: Why must I be looking for anything in particular?
Dude: You don’t. But people are always looking for something, whether they realize it or not.
Me: Fine. I’m looking for chemistry.

I’m talking about erotic novel’s kinda scorching hot sexual chemistry.

You see, despite all the partying, I have always been a closet nerd (an introverted extrovert?) and a novel junkie, ranging from stuff like Enid Blyton, Sweet Valley and RL Stine when I was a kid to various romance novels in my teenage years. I used to binge read those stuff!

These days I try my best to stay away from novels and read em useful psychology books to learn something useful instead. But still, every now and then, erotic fictions are my guilty pleasure.

It’s like watching porn, but all in your imagination. Imagine being the director, with the script to this amazing love story cum porn, being the heroin in a movie where you’re free to fantasize of this seductive, Godlike hero who would fall out-of-this-world in love with you AND F you into oblivion.

Psstt.. It is also a platform for reallyy interesting sex ideas that can be incorporated in real life F-ing. Ones that can never be found in Cosmopolitan articles on ‘how to turn your boyfriend on’ or porn itself. Christy often question where I get my ideas from.

I’m not talking about Fifty Shades. Sure, Christian Grey is every girl’s dream come true. But really? How often are we going to come across a multi billionaire who owns an empire, a private helicopter, who is young, drop dead gorgeous, has a huge junk and is amazing in bed? No. Just.. no!

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But then again, Anastasia is a virgin who seems to be socially inept while Mr Grey is psychotically insecure. In real life, that is just.. a tad bit unrealistic. Ah common, it’s ridiculously unrealistic!

In terms of erotic romance novels, my personal favorites has gotta be Samantha Young’s On Dublin Street series and Christina Lauren’s Beautiful Bastard series. I am currently on Book 2 of Nikki Sloane’s Three Simple Rules series and I absolutely adore it!

Three Hard Lessons evolves around a heroin who works as an escort and gets bored of men way too easily until she met the hero of the book. This, I can totally relate (other than the group plays that I don’t particularly fancy). It is so unlike the infinite typical romance/erotic novels that centers around F-Boys who eventually falls head over heels for the good girls who orgasms at a flick of a finger.

How her skin tingle at the mere touch of their partner or how legs turn into jelly when he came in close proximity in these novels are not completely fictional.

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I have experienced sexual chemistry as intense as described in these books with AARON and for the love of my life, I can never understand why. I disliked him in every other aspect but turn into mush just as soon as he touches me. The feeling was mutual. We just gravitate towards one another no matter how it pissed the hell outta the both of us. Trust me. It. Is. Real. I’d go into details but I don’t want to make this post about him.

If you have read any sort of erotic fiction, then you’d completely understand the phenomenal sexual chemistry that oozes out of these books.

But if you have never in your life laid hands on a copy of erotic novel, start with one of those 3 series for starters. On Dublin Street is considerably milder and the male lead is to die for. Be sure to have a vibrator and a box of tissues (for the waterworks due to the roller coaster of emotions it’s gonna put you through) on standby. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya! You’re welcome 🙂

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So yeah. What am I looking for?

Chemistry.

Because without chemistry, nothing else matters. Not even friendship.

What are YOU looking for?

 

The Import

Name: KENT
Origin: Australia
Ethnicity: Australian
Height: 5′10. Extremely bulked
First impression: HULK!
Age: 1 year older

 

3 WEEKS BACK

It was a typical day swiping on Tinder when I matched Kent.

Kent was in KL for holidays and was to head to Bali next but was stuck in KL as his brother accidentally took his passport back to Australia with him.

When we finally got to chatting, the chemistry was really good. Conversations were easy. The dude was witty. I usually do not bother with tourists, because like what is the point really? A date, a F and byebye. What if I liked the dude?

But because Kent was so extremely hot in his photos and so much fun to chat with, we agreed to lunch the following day before his flight out of KL. Kent had the body of Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones, except much fairer with short hair and no make up.. much larger biceps too! Looks wise, he looked like a roughed up pretty boy. Just. My. Type!

Unfortunately (or fortunately, else this story would not make it into the blog), time was a constraint. Kent was waiting for his passport to be delivered and by the time he got his hands on it, it was either meet and risk missing his flight, or to forget my existence. It was me or Bali.

So as we both went on with life, we somehow continued chatting.

By the time Kent got back to Australia, we chatted every waking hour.

Kent was a cop who dealt with armed robberies/break ins, a trainer with black belts in 5 different martial arts, an almost dive master, a shooting enthusiast and an animal lover. Oh and he loves super heroes!

Kent would share stories of his daily adventures as a cop. It was hilarious as much as it was sometimes heartbreaking to listen to. Kent seemed like a person who was full of energy and loved life.

Me: Why don’t you come back in 2 weeks for my birthday?
Him: I would love to but I’m not sure if I could take a long leave. I’ll check on my roster.

I told myself to have no expectations after what happened with HUGO. This dude was in Australia, not just across the border in Singapore!

But when Kent finally finalized his leaves and bought his flights to KL for 5 days (2 days after my birthday), I was estatic!

Him: Happy birthday!
Me: Awesome birthday present! I didn’t think you’d really come! After booking all these stuff, I doubt you’d change your mind!
Him: Why would I not come?! Clearly you’re epic. I barely text girls in my own city at all much less another country! The fact I have been texting you so much means you must be pretty amazing! And I am willing to travel for amazing 🙂
Me: Aww! Sweet talker aren’t you?
Him: It’s not meant to be sweet talking, just the truth. You’re stunning looking, great to talk to.. It’s at least worth the trip over to see what the chemistry is like!

I was excited as much as I was nervous. Kent was due in KL in less than a week and although I enjoyed every moment of chatting with him, I had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.

As I told Kent about how I felt about not having too much expectations as everything was fueled purely by our imaginations at that point of time;

Me: No expectations. But promise me this one thing, what ever happens in KL, do not ghost me after. 
Him: I can’t even imagine doing that to you. I’ve never done something like that and I’m not about to do that ever!

Kent was totally optimistic. He also made it clear that he wasn’t travelling just to get laid. Clearly we could both easily gotten some action in our own countries with less effort;

“Assuming KL goes well and you still like me, I am not even joking. I am 100% sure I want you to come spend time with me in Australia. You can stay at my house and all your food and travel and stuff will be sorted by me so that wouldn’t cost you a cent. And as for flights, I am more than happy to fly you over to me. So all you need is to provide some time off work. I’m not even thinking about it happening, I’m already planning it. Like the only reason it won’t happen is if you don’t want to visit.

I feel super lame because I’m meant to be this big tough martial art police man but it’s the truth and I feel comfortable telling you this stuff knowing you won’t think less of me. I was walking down the street in XXX today getting a coffee with my partner. And I was thinking “in a few months I’ll be walking down this street holding Tess’ hand while we go to a coffee shop and have a look in these interesting shops and it’s really pretty here, I think she would like this area.

Look, I have no doubt about KL at all. I’m totally excited!”

I JUST TOTALLY MELTED INTO A PUDDLE! WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT!!

NOTE: Those are his exact words. I copied and pasted them.

We planned for me to take all 5 days off work to take him around town. Planned on what and where to eat. Kent even got a hotel 5 minutes from where I lived!

Fast forward all the chatting and stuff, Kent made his way to KL. He initially wanted to buy me dinner at this 5 star hotel but I didn’t want him to spend that much. I’m stupid like that!

As I made my way to meet him in the restaurant, I didn’t have that happy-nervous-excited feeling I usually do with promising dates. Instead, I felt strangely dreaded. Like, what am I doing importing this dude from across continent?

 

DAY 1 – THE DATE

Kent looked exactly like his photos. Bulky. Pretty boy with an amazing smile. But.. I could tell from the first 5 minutes of conversation that we were lacking chemistry.

We chatted for 3 hours through dinner. Though the conversation was pleasant, the spark was missing. Non existent.

I’d say if I have to pretend to be interested in anything that comes out of your mouth and plaster on a fake smile, then I’m not really having a good time, am I? Yes, I realize I have only been blogging about disasters. I’ll make it a point to write about some happy dates (that also ends as nightmares) soon!

By the time the restaurant closed, we headed back to his hotel on the pretense of chilling at the pool. But the pool was obviously closed so we went back to his room.

After about an hour of chatting, I decided that we’d might as well F and see what the chemistry was like compared to our good-for-nothing general chemistry.

The F was.. good. He had the moves. He made me squirt. Size wise, he was average. But the chemistry just wasn’t there! Like, it didn’t feel eww, neither was it amazing.

Kent went to clean up right after he came and so did I. When I got back into to room and plopped onto the bed, he pulled me up asking to head down for a smoke and pulled away when I wanted a hug.

Okay. I’ve had more than enough experience to be able to smell coldness!

After 2 ciggies;

Me: I’ll leave if you want..
Him: Okay. We can validate your parking ticket.. bla bla bla..
Me: You know what, it’s 3.30am. I’ll stay the night, take you out for lunch and you can come back here after.
Him: Sure, that works too.

When we got back to the room, Kent immediately went to sleep and only put his arm on top of me when I requested for a hug. Like literally just planted his arm on me. I swear my one nighters who were complete strangers had managed wayyyy more love in their cuddles than that! Some of them are pretty damn adorable too!

Yeah I sometimes cuddle up to my one nighters for some temporary love and affection fix. Works wonders for lonely nights!

 

DAY 2

Woke up to Kent being grumpy. Got showered, headed out for lunch before he headed back to his hotel for the gym. We planned on meeting at 4ish to head out for some super hero coffee later that day.

I was beginning to dread meeting him. We had zero chemistry. I didn’t know how the next days were going to pan out!

At 4.30pm, I texted Kent. Nothing. Called him, nothing. Called the hotel reception and they couldn’t reach him at his room. I was furious. If you don’t already know, I hate getting bailed on.

Kent finally replied at around 7pm explaining that he fell asleep at the pool and felt a little bit ‘off’ after the nap but would be fine with dinner though he needed to sleep early so he could head to KL for some jujitsu in the morning. Okayyy..

Dinner and desserts went alright, I guess. We talked, but not in the way where we were interested in what we both had to say. We talked for the sake of talking. It was exhausting!

By the time we got home, I texted Kent;

Me: Thank you for dinner and everything btw. I really hope your trip to KL has at least been pleasant so far considering you came for me and I can clearly see the disinterest. Like I can totally feel the coldness radiating from you and getting friendzoned after sex.
Him: Mmmm coldness really? I honestly don’t feel like I’m friendzoning you. I’m not big into holding hands and affection in public in general. I’m not in a good mood today and I was feeling a bit off this afternoon so I’m probably not the best company! But I didn’t mean to seem cold or whatever!

Right. *rolls eyes*

 

DAY 3

I woke up needing to get my vape fixed. And because Kent mentioned that he wanted to get hold of some vape juices while he was in KL, I asked if he wanted to come with.

Called him, nothing. Texted, nothing. Bah, whatever.

Eventually he replied asking what time I wanted to leave but decided he’d rather stay in and continue napping.

But that was it.

By evening, I asked if he was still up for dinner. I was supposed to be a good host, taking him out his entire trip, remember?

Kent completely ignored my texts, not even reading them though I can clearly see him going on and offline.

Christy reckons he was sleeping. But I could see the dude moving around KL from Facebook’s Nearby Friends feature and him liking bikini models on Instagram, posting stuff about riots in Australia on Facebook.

I sent him a text saying how he should at least respect other people’s time considering we had planned for me to take him around and if he preferred to be left alone, he could just say so.

No reply.

More than anything, I was annoyed. After midnight, I shot him another text telling him how disappointed I am with the way he chose to handle the situation –

“I agree that we aren’t anywhere as good as we had envisioned our meeting to be. I guess its just the expectation of something that turned out way different in real life.

But chemistry doesn’t have anything to do with the person you have been texting with.

I would have expected enough respect and dignity to talk about it before you vanish on your host so impolitely and refuse to even read my texts. So much for promising to never ghost me huh?

There is so much I wanna say but I have no clue how to put it in words.

Let’s just say I’m disappointed with the way you decided to handle the situation. I didn’t feel the spark either, but I still had the decency to follow up.

This could possibly be the biggest disaster in my dating history but like I said, chemistry can’t be forced. I refuse to believe that you came all the way just for sex. So other than not being able to get along as amazingly as we hoped for, there really is no reason to behave this way.

I had imagined every worse case scenario before u came and frankly, it turned out far worse than I possibly thought it could”

By then, I could see that Kent was out somewhere in KL and when he finally did check my texts, he was back in the hotel at 4am. So much for not being a drinker huh?

Still, no reply.

 

DAY 4

I was furious. I mean common, although I F around plenty, Kent didn’t know about it. So assuming I did not F around, how shattered would I have been? It was outright getting played out!

Like, I did not do anything to deserve being ghosted on without so much as a word especially when I was supposed to be his host. If Kent was just another KL dude, he wouldn’t have heard from me after Date 1!

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By evening, I was raging to the point of ranting it all out to KURT (Yeah, we’re BFFs now). I was so antagonized that my hands were shaking as I texted Kent;

“You’re officially the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. And to think that I thought you were a nice guy and kept making excuses for your behavior.

Turning cold after sex is one thing, completely disappearing is another level of low. I never thought you could be so immature and it is utterly disrespectful, be it sex or no sex, chemistry or not to behave this way.

No fuckboys I’ve ever encountered had came close to how much you’re such a massive waste of time. I wish our paths never crossed. You absolutely disgust me. Like really, fuck you!”

Then I blocked the dude. I blocked Kent on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder.. everything! No reply in this lifetime would make me feel any less pissed than I already was.

But I guess without Kurt, I wouldn’t have eventually calmed down.

Me: Love yaaa!! Not in that way. What would I do without you!
Kurt: I know. In a way that no one can take it from us 😉 Lovey dovey love never lasts.
Me: We came a long way darling. And looking back it’s really funny. I just have to say that sometimes it makes me feel better that you were the one and possibly only guy that I went full on bat shit crazy with and you still care bout me.. makes it feel like I’m not that horrible after all.
Kurt: If it helps you, you are not horrible. You were lost. But you already have been way more lost than today. I think you’re getting there. Go sleep and don’t be mad. He wasn’t worth it. And be glad the fucker doesn’t steal any more of your time.

 

I still don’t know what to make of the whole importing Tinder date. HUGO never made it through. The weekend date with CRUZ was pretty much a fairy tale compared to the disaster that struck this time.

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I wouldn’t consider myself a failure. I did manage to convince and/or lure a dude to fly in to see me after all. It’s just that the whole situation is THE ultimate failure and Kent handled it like a total man-child.

Maybe next time I’ll prolong the F-ing. Like, F them on the last day or something. But then again, if I did that, I’d have wasted several days to find out if they are indeed an asshole!

I had imagined all sorts of worse case scenarios and nothing came close to this. Then again, I wasn’t on the losing end; The joke’s on him. I wasn’t the idiot who flew across continents to get laid!

No doubt I still feel stupid for believing his bullshit. He might have lined up several Tinder dates along with me!

Yes, never heard from him since. He could easily text me on WhatsApp if he wanted to. I never bothered to get his number, but he has mine.

PS: No F-boy EVER vanished on me without a word!

PPS: I’m not a horrible person. I’m still friends with my ex-boyfriends, most of my ex-F’s and ex-flings in a purely platonic way.

 

VERDICT: Nothing good ever comes out of Tinder. Having said that, I wish they had a review feature on Tinder like they do for Uber or Coachsurfing!

The Nerd

Name: MARC
Origin: Australia
Ethnicity: Australian
Height: 5′8. Lean
First impression: Nerd
Age: Same age

 

So Marc is one of the boys who hangs out with Tanya’s group of friends. We party together once or twice a week and I’ve been observing him for the past couple of months.

Unlike every white boy (or any boy for that matter!) in KL, Marc does not hit on the ladies. All he does is drink and talk when spoken to.

I’d say Marc is a total nerd who hangs out with a bunch of raging alcoholics just because a few of the boys are his high school buddies. His parents moved to KL when he was only seven.

It was refreshing to see a non F-boy. Marc was like a unicorn in the midst of herds and herds of rhinos. Oops.. it’s called a crash of rhinos. Had to Google that up!

Anyway, when I announced to my friends that I was intrigued by Marc, the typical responses were;

Tanya: Marc is a super nice guy. Please don’t break his heart!

Christy & BF: Marc is a sweet heart. He’s not your type at all! And he’s definitely not a F-boy!

Val: Marc is so nerdy. If he has a big D, you can keep him!

Yup! That was it, I was gonna go for the kill.

 

3 WEEKS BACK

We were out drinking at my usual joint and when I was all nice and boozed up, I noticed Marc was standing behind me. I grabbed his hands and placed them on my waist while I continued dancing.

When I decided to kick it up a notch, I dragged Marc out to the dance floor and continued grinding him to a hard on. Dayum! It felt massive!

.. And we made out. Marc seemed to have the moves, tugging on my hair, acting like he knew what he was doing. I was even more intrigued! Maybe Marc was a closet beast? *squeals*

When the night ended, we had supper along with some friends where Marc would hold my hand whenever I rested it on his thigh.

The next day;

Me: I made out with Marc!
Tanya: Whaaattt?! I hardly see him even talking to a girl, how did you even do it?
Me: I’m not sure. I was drunk. Only Phil saw everything.

Me: Guess what? I made out with Marc! And he had a huge hard on!!
Christy: You did what?! Marc is like a piece of wood. What did you do to him?
Me: Well it’s hard to avoid a hard on when your ass is on it.
C: Ah so you unleashed the wood in him. Literally. Tess oh Tess, not bad. I’m proud of you!

Yeah, some achievements needs to be announced. Plus, I kiss and tell. All the F-ing time.. as I do on this blog.

 

A WEEK LATER

Out at our usual joint with 10 bottles of Black Label and 6 bottles of Moet, and only 6 of us, we were all completely smashed by the end of the night.

Marc and I were making out on the dance floor towards the end of the night and with everyone gone, I had to send the dude back.

We continued making out in the car.

Marc: Do you have condoms?
Me: Who said anything about F-ing. I’m hungry, we are going to eat!

After supper, I sent the dude home. Again, he invited me in but I declined. I just wasn’t in the mood for it.

I texted Marc when I got home and he replied the next day.

Me: I can’t seem to get my mind off those kisses.
Marc: Haha is it that bad.
Me: Oh so it’s bad to you?
M: No I thought to you.
Me: It’s stuck in my head, of course it’s a compliment.
M: Ok haha thanks. Just a kiss, I didn’t think I did anything special.
Me: Then should I be looking forward to anything ‘special’?

Silence.

Just pure silence. The girls insisted that Marc might have been shy. But being shy is no excuse to not reply. That is just rude! Even F-boys has the decency to follow up till they got in your pants!

I decided to just drop the chase.

 

LAST WEEK

I was out with a bunch of girls for Ladies Night and Tanya decided to join. And with that, GERALD came with Marc too.

Gerald, whom I’ve known for the past 10 years and F-ed 5 years back is now a friend who has the hots for Tanya and is one of Marc’s closest friend. Gerald is based in Singapore so we only party together whenever he is in town.

Gerald: So what’s the story?
Me: I’m too embarrassed to tell you.
G: You’re Tess. What can possibly embarrass you?
Me: Fine. Two weeks back, I made out with Marc.
G: WHAT?! *burst into laughter* How desperate were you?!
Me: Well, he seems nice. And he’s not a F-boy. And nice guys can be kept!
G: Since when do you wanna keep guys?
Me: He ignored my text though.
G: Here’s the thing. Marc thinks he has game. But has no game at all. He’s not a F-boy, but he’s not nice. In fact he’s quite a douche to girls.

Long story short, when we were done at the bar, Gerald headed home and I drove Marc and I to our usual joint. When I sent him home, I had to borrow his washroom cause apparently I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

We made out at his yard. When I unzipped him, whoaaaaa it is one of the largest D I’ve ever held. 8 full inches and a pretty damn good girth too!

But the F was so below par that I just couldn’t finish.

I mean, the dude just doesn’t seem to know what he was doing. Marc couldn’t unbuckle the bra (front clasp), he was worse than a virgin with his fingers, he wasted the 8 inches when he didn’t seem to dare thrust it all the way in. Eventually, I just completely gave up.

We had some pillow talks and cuddles, mostly because Marc didn’t have a clue on how to throw me out and I was just too lazy to get my ass up and drive all the way home at 6am. It’s a 40 minutes drive, FYI.

Eventually, Marc just had to;

Marc: Do you wanna stay over?
Me: Nah, I need to get home.
M: You sure? Your car is at the front gate though, we can move it in.
Me: Don’t worry, I’ll leave in 5 minutes.

The next day, no text. Seriously?! But Gerald did.

Gerald: Did you behave?
Me: Nope!
G: Was it at least good?
Me: Nope! Don’t even know why I bothered.
G: Told you not to but you wouldn’t listen.
Me: I need to maintain my QC (Quality Control) man. I went to a different level of low with this one. If any of my ex-fucks knew, they’d laugh at me!
G: I’m already laughing at you!

 

2 DAYS LATER

I told my friends I wasn’t going to party as I had a Tinder date. I actually had a bunch of Tinder dates since my last post but they’re to sad to post about. I’ll get to it soon enough.

Somehow my girls managed to convince me to join them after my date and I managed to convince my date to come with me.

When I got there, Gerald mentioned that Marc was on the way over and everyone knew that we made out.

When Marc arrived, he pretty much ignored my existence until the point where I accidentally looked right at him and had to wave hello at him. I did see him watching me several times through the corner of my eyes though.

Gerald: Have you kissed him (my date) yet?
Me: Nope.
Gerald: Ok, I want your first kiss to be in front of Marc.
Me: Geez why? That’s just mean!
Gerald: Because he deserves it. He is being stuck up and no one should behave that way, especially when they don’t deserve to, if you know what I mean.

Well it wasn’t something that was up for debate. My date eventually went for the kiss at the table itself and not only Marc, but the entire table witnessed it. At that point of time, it wasn’t like I cared anyway. I’ll leave the story of this date for another post.

 

THE NEXT DAY

Me: Everyone knew I made out with Marc. I shouldn’t have made him lose face like that.
Gerald: Marc should have known you’re like that anyway. It’s not gonna be the last time you hang out with us. Does that mean just cause you made out with Marc, you can’t make out with any other guy in the club?
Me: You’ve got a point. Still feel bad though.

With no text or follow up from Marc, I’ll just leave it be.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind F-ing Marc again just cause I really do love his size. I wouldn’t even mind teaching him how to use it properly. It’s a massive waste of a good D if he didn’t know how to fully utilize it!

Let’s just see how bored I get 🙂

 

VERDICT: You really cannot judge a book by it’s cover!